Things are not good for me. More or less I am nothing more then a dissapointment in everything I do. I am a failure as a boyfriend,father,friend,son,grandson…you name it. I am falling apart in every way imaginable. I hate to look at myself,and no matter what I do I can’t seem to pull out of this. I tried to end it once,but was “saved” by 2 friends….not this time. I have a short period of time before my 2 year suicide clause is up on my life insurance,I have a storage unit large enough to fit my truck in it rented so no one can […]
Tag:
my life
When i’m gone, don’t cry, don’t grieve, don’t write paragraphs about how much you loved me. Because, when i was in my darkest hours, you weren’t the that stayed up all night to make sure i was alright. Don’t say i was such a nice girl and wonder how people could be so cruel. Because in some ways, you were the reason i might have taken my life that night.
and yet I am, time after time, just sitting and rotting away in my dingy apartment. I read, and view all types of media and see how vast and spectacular this world is yet I am confined to a mental prison that I cannot be free of. Why was I born like this? Why do I interpret and perceive things the way I do? I’m always asking questions, to which a complete answer will never be revealed. Sometimes I feel like I’ve experienced my good and bad fair share of things, and that everything I feel from now on will just be dwindled, lesser versions […]
Hello all,
This is my first post on here, and I’m hoping to get some feedback about my situation and if I should be taking some sort of action towards it. A little background to the life that led me to this site. I have cystic fibrosis, a degenerative disease that currently holds the life expectancy at 37. I am also pre-diabetic and if this carries it’s course then my life expectancy will drop to a whopping 24. I am currently 19 and these two numbers have haunted the majority of my thoughts for quite some time now. I have not had an easy run at […]
Sometimes when I think about ending my life I find it beautiful in a way. I think it is because I feel that my life would finally make sense. All these past years of dealing with emotional pain would finally make sense. I just was not destined to live. I am so sick of being in pain, confused, not being able to think clearly about anything anymore. Thinking about ending it all makes me feel like my life would finally be… complete.
I need new people with a fresh perspective in my life specifically to do with transgender issues. I’m so headfucked over this obviously it’s almost driving me to suicide once again. I’m in a dead end in Victoria with nothing but despair and self hatred. No money (which is fine), no friends (cool), no dreams (the kicker). All my dreams died with my old self dying. I don’t want anything anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore. The only person I care about I have intense love hate cycles towards and she knows this. So every little thing she does triggers rage attacks.
I want to […]
I was born with bad health and I’ve gone to doctors all my life, but they refuse to help me for long. All of the health conditions I have conflict with each other too much. My main are Interstitial Cystitis, Shy Bladder Syndrome, Type 1 Diabetes, Gastrointestinal, Heart condition (my main blood artery was blocked so I didn’t get the proper blood flow)… I’m in excruciating pain and it’s gotten worse in the last 3 years. I finally managed to get pain killers, but on March of this year this clinic has been fighting me. 3 times I was forced to go cold turkey and […]
I don’t know whether to cry or laugh. I’m so god damn done. I’m done with living and feeling like absolute shit.
Yet, I can’t even kill myself. Or cut myself. That used to be my escape and now it doesn’t help at all.
Today, I kept jerking the car, knowing my step father would feel pain. And I wanted him to. I wanted him to feel a fraction of what I feel everyday.
And my half sister wouldn’t just shut up. I screamed at her. And I would’ve kept screaming at her but my step dad told me to […]
It’s been hard, very hard, there are times in which I was fine, others in which I was simply “better”, I feel simply weak, like I’ve seen people passing for things so much more complicated than me and yet I keep asking myself. Why to live? What is the meaning of all this? Why keep feeling all this sadness, I can’t fix some things, I can’t fix my life and I can’t talk with anyone about these things, I don’t have family or friends to speak about it, that’s hard, having to act like I’m fine, HAVING to be fine,why do I have to be […]
The last two years permanently damaged my life.
The events of the last two years took away any chance I would’ve had.
I should’ve died years ago, swept into the sea.
Should’ve floated away into the sea.
My sadness never goes away it’s constantly grabbing at me in the slightest saying “you can’t forget me” as if I had a choice
it latches on to every ounce of my living, adding to my anxiety, my confidence and me questioning, if I’m good enough for myself?
not once have I lived a day like the other kids, not once have I spent a day with out this lingering darkness, not once has this thing loosened its grasp, constant doesn’t let go.
Constant stares me in the eyes when my family dinner didn’t involve the middle child,
constant pushes me away from any school events because constant won’t […]
This is going to sound really stupid but I got stood up, and it was by someone who I really care about… And I don’t know why because he’s been gone for four days and I haven’t heard anything from him.. I know he’s okay, I just don’t know when I’ll get to talk to or see him again and it really makes me sad… I feel like he knows me better than anyone else in the world and if I’m not worth it to him, maybe I won’t be worth it to anyone… He was the one thing I was looking forward to for […]
I’ve been sick my whole life… Ever since I was two years old I was sick. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes at the age of two, and it’s been hard for me to cope with my entire life… I was bullied during elementary school not only by students but also by teachers… And then I went to high school where I thought things would get better. They were basically the same but on a larger scale. I fell in love with a boy, I really fell in love. He was my everything and we were together for nearly two years… He left and […]
I haven’t told anyone about cutting myself and how I think of killing myself everyday I was depressed many months ago and I told one of my friends and she helped me she went through the same thing and it’s been a long time that I cut myself and yesterday I cut myself I have a few friends who know I cut myself before so I haven’t told anyone about this and I dont think I want to it’s just who do I turn to there’s one person I want to go to that knows I was depressed before and that I cut myself the […]
I can’t do this anymore. There’s no point in living if you don’t feel alive. For as long as I can remember I’ve been fighting depression and struggling with poverty and I just don’t care anymore. I’ve had nothing but horrible, humiliating, miserable life experiences. My biological family is beyond dis functional. I don’t really have friends just acquaintances. The only man I love hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I went to college and still can’t get a decent job. My best friend in college died. I have Major Depression, PTSD, and Agoraphobia. I am physically repulsive and it would take […]
HEY! Im a guy from Finland who was once suicidal, but overcame my suicidal thoughts and am here to listen to people if there interested and can offer advice on a wide range of issues.
If you like, you can email me at Tomialatalo@inbox.com I just want to say, that i’ve been there, and know just how far that deep, dark rabbit hole really goes! I have gone through a lot of bullshit in my life, but GOD has always been there helping me out of that rabbit hole! Just saying. Im kind of a “life consultant” if you will. I cant perform miracles, but i […]
I hate my life. I hate being alone. I hate people. I hate my face and my body. I hate that I’m not brave enough to kill myself.
So, I will maybe make a journal to force me stop eating until death.
Next month, I will be completely alone in the flat for 2 months, so it would be easy to let me die. It’s ideal.
I hope I will become very weak, and the death will be sweet.
I tried some times, but there have been things that made me consider that hope in my life was still possible. I was wrong everytime.
I have no money, because unemployed, and the social help stopped, and I won’t ask them another help, I have one month, and I won’t be tempted to buy food, because I have no […]
I just want to end it now and don’t know the best way. I want something that would be painless and I’d just fall asleep and never wake up.
Then I think of my daughter. She’s 23 and has a wonderful boyfriend. They are both working on their futures and doing as well as they can. Both working hard towards it.
I don’t want to hurt her more than anyone in my life. But at the same time I just feel worthless and don’t want to be around anymore
Ugh. Where do I start? My life is a total cesspool (sorry if incorrect spelling) filled with empty promises, hopelessness, fear, regret, grief, and lies. Why do so many people hate me? What did I do? If the ignorant douchebags in my life don’t give a crap about me, well, they will when Im dead. If i could see the consequences of my death, i would love too. I would like to see how everybody reacts. They probably wouldn’t care. Everybody already only cares about themselves. I am scheduling a date to take myself out. Should I? Or should I forgive the god awful people […]