Constant

My sadness never goes away it’s constantly grabbing at me in the slightest saying “you can’t forget me” as if I had a choice

it latches on to every ounce of my living, adding to my anxiety, my confidence and me questioning, if I’m good enough for myself?

not once have I lived a day like the other kids, not once have I spent a day with out this lingering darkness, not once has this thing loosened its grasp, constant doesn’t let go.

Constant stares me in the eyes when my family dinner didn’t involve the middle child,

constant pushes me away from any school events because constant won’t let go, she wants me for her self,

she wants to be held as if she’s what my life revolves around, well I got news for you constant, now, now I have these pills……..

these pills can do something that I can’t… these pills can’t control constant.

Now constant is in the very back of my mind with nothing but the darkness to console her she’s slowly withering into a nothing, a nothing that’s weightless and , I can see, it’s clear! I can see all the smiles and sun and I can hear all the laughter, I was wrong constant is not forever, it just feels like forever until you see the end of forever and look into the beautiful always.

The beautiful always that never left me , but was just fogged up, but I can see clearly now and I’m never going back to constant.