I find thoughts of ending my life beautiful

Sometimes when I think about ending my life I find it beautiful in a way. I think it is because I feel that my life would finally make sense. All these past years of dealing with emotional pain would finally make sense. I just was not destined to live. I am so sick of being in pain, confused, not being able to think clearly about anything anymore. Thinking about ending it all makes me feel like my life would finally be… complete.