Hey .. I have spent a long time on this site and its pretty cool .. a lot of warm, nice people that care for each other even though we have never seen each other in real life.. It’s really nice to see that.. I am pretty good to make people feel better but I have my downfalls too.. but here is my story: it may not be as bad as some out here but its to much for me to deal with.. : I feel alone. I look around always and I see groups of friends laughing having fun enjoying themselves or […]
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my life
Everyday I go through the motion’s in my life , the will to live is just not in me anymore. Alone, going through depression it seems like the only thing that can get a tiny small smirk on my face seems to be when I try to think about what if I was happy ,what if I had that someone special in my life, what if I was special to someone else or I was needed but I get mad at myself for even thinking that fit giving myself false hope that just doesn’t exist. I bottle my emotions in until night time where my […]
It’s a funny thing blackmail, they take something you have and force you to exchange something else that you have.
It’s purely threats, they could have information or photos of you and they threaten to show the world, even though it could get them in trouble. If you aren’t strong enough, you’re basically their slave.
Recently I’ve been a victim of blackmail and I’ll tell you this, it’s ruining my life. I feel worthless everyday, it’s forced my friends away from me and overall it’s made my depression so much worse. I’ve never been good at maintaining a good and healthy mental condition, now I feel as […]
Is fucking hell. I am so tired of it. The older I get, the harder it becomes to live in such an awful way. I will never be the person I am supposed to be, I will never be pretty, I will never be truly a happy person. Why even bother living?
Gah, I wish I wasn’t so scared of ending my life.
Feel so empty each day i get more lost in my thoughts , thinking “why me” i tried my best to think it would get better but i was just lying to myself. I realized that my life will consist of depression , loneliness and hiding this emotions that are making wish of painless suicide. I dont have anybody to tell me that i matter or hear my feelings. Wish i could dream and escape my reality . it is the only way i can cope until i get the courage to kill myself.
I currently weigh 150 pounds . I don’t eat some days just to get my weight down . And when I do eat I count the calories .. Does it have to be so hard ? I want to cut all the fat off my body … And see my bones and collarbones and my hips.. I don’t want my stomach to fold when I sit down.. Or people to call me fat any more. I don’t love my life, I don’t love my body, I don’t love myself… When are things gonna get better?
Im not being abused or anything terrible like some people are. So why am I so tired and it’s hard to get up out of bed in the morning because it’s hard.. It really is.. Every day looking in the mirror and seeing something I really hate.. Maybe I’ll get prettier in the future… No .. I don’t see any boys busting down the for me.. My sister constantly tells me I’m ugly… And the terrible thing is she’s right… I hope someone comes on this site and reads my post and it makes a difference in their life.. Sometimes I cut my arms legs […]
I sit at home alone everyday .. When my sister gets home she bombards me with nasty comments about how I do nothing with my life and I sit on my fat ass all day .. Sometimes she calls me a depressed annoyance and how one day shes gonna slap me.. Maybe I should just kill myself . its not like they are gonna miss me. My mom constantly yells about how the dirty dishes need to be done while I’m thinking about how I should kill mysf tonight . I’m tired all the time… I have no friends. . is it true that it […]
Like so many of the posts I read here, I simply don’t know what I hope to get out of wrighting this. Maybe it’s the knowing that unlike your faded and tear staind journal… Someone will see this. Some one might understand. Maybe it’s just satisfying the attention craving victim looking for emotional handouts… Who gives a shit
Unlike so many fellow souls spilling thier hearts out for the faceless masses to see I feel detached from the depression handbook. Aside from mild childhood depression and a exepionaly controling mother I’ve had it ok. Made the journey through highschool with honors and friends. Needed to shape […]
At this point I am all alone in my own head. There’s not a single person in the world that knows how I truly feel, and I’m hurting. I have no clue what the source of these inner demons I’m struggling with is, and at this point I don’t think I’ll ever find it.
It has been six years since I started feeling depressed. I am 19 and my feelings started as a freshman in high school. At first I just thought they were normal teen angst. I felt lonely. I felt alienated from those around me. I felt so guilty about everything I did wrong, […]
if i cant find a job, i will end up homeless eventually. i dont want that. i went to college. i want to work, and have a life. i dont want to end up homeless. i want a job, so i can afford to see doctors about my little health issue (that is easily fixable if one has just a little money). there isno reason why i should end up homeless, but it seems that is what is going to happen eventually. i have no siblings, and my cousins all have thier own families. im scared to die, im scared of death. im also terrified […]
Everyday seems to blur by in a nonsensical motion that keeps me forever sick and tired. With each passing, I come to the realization that this life isn’t good enough. Living is just not good enough. It’s been that way for years now.
I can’t grasp as to why no one around me feels this way.
I see all these drunken smiles float by, while I still let myself believe my feet are firmly on the ground. I know they’re not. I feel myself falling more and more. I think of killing myself everyday now. My razor is always close by. I just want to […]
I hate my life. But the thing is I don’t want to die. Not really. Underneath the desperation, depression, and self-loathing I am stubborn and curious. I don’t think I can have it–a better life.
I was abused as a kid. My dad is a heroin addict, my mother an incredibly embittered alcoholic. They did things to me…things I can’t get over.
I am supposed to be over it. Supposed to slap a smile on for the sake of everyone else. Never talk about my ptsd, my depression, what happened. It makes people uncomfortable. And hey, better I be shamed for my feelings and alone then someone […]
Hi
I wrote a poem to my mother and I will give it to her 31 may on mother’s day.
I’m planning to suicide the next day. I have waited to suicide just because i wanted to be there for my mom on mothers day. It will be the last time.
I just want to know what you think of the poem. Any improvements? There’s a hidden message as you can see. I hope she wont be suspicious? She doesnt know im suicidal.
This will be the last thing i do before I die so no suicide letter. If you wonder why it’s because if I fail I don’t […]
I’m not a selfish person. I’ve been told suicide is selfish. People will miss you, greive, feel guilt, brcw depressed themselves. Your parents. Siblings. Friends. Grandparents. Extended family. They’ll hurt. Some, forever. My parents, especially my mother, will be forever grieving.
My life is good. Good job, family, friends, lifestyle, living conditions, amentities… There is not much i need that I don’t have. Sure I’m single, but I’m seeing someone, kind of, and he’s great. Other guys ask me out, I have to turn them down.
But still I can’t shake this.
I feel like I’m spiralling down a rabbit hole.
I don’t want to get up in the […]
Haven’t posted anything in a few days. I just don’t even know how I feel right now. I’m so tired. Yesterday I went to the beach with my family and some friends. Today I went to the pool.
I know, it sounds like I do enjoy every minute of my life. I admit, although I hate my life, there are times when I have some fun.
But even when I was having fun this weekend, I still kept thinking about how those people would remember me after I killed myself.
I’m not really sure what my last post was cuz I am having to write these as they come to me on a word processor and then copy and paste them when I do have internet access. It has its ups and downs. I can’t get distracted by pop ups and the curiosity of social media and all of that meaningless mind wasting junk that it can be. I find that if I can get caught up in all of that it ends up becoming some sort of drama filled b.s. game and I’d rather sit back and and watch then participate in any […]
…seeing as I am suicidal, I would love to give my life to something meaningful. Why don’t they give people who want to die the opportunity on the front lines at war? It doesn’t mean we’re unstable, just miserable and our lives will be given for a good purpose…
Is this a crazy idea? I mean, I know people would be in uproar if the government allowed it saying that they are taking advantage of mentally disturbed people, we are not pathetic people, we just suffer a lot, very much like a terminal illness and would like to offer our lives for something good.
What are […]
I’m thinking about taking my own life. My mom is my only family member and tonight we had a bad arguement. I said a lot of really mean things. I feel I was justified in being irritated, even angry, but I shouldn’t have been so mean. One of these arguments happened only 2 weeks ago. I have caused my mom so much pain with the mean things I’ve said over the years. I’ve also put her through so much with my mental and physical health problems. I honestly feel I should have never been born. When these […]
I honestly have stopped caring about what anybody has to say about me . I plan on leaving soon I’m doing my best at enjoying my last days ( but of course I am not) my mom has been rubbing my mistakes in my face and she’s really just making this living hell. I am really not close with my siblings or father because I am 17 and under 18 I can not do as I please. This last year I have been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts and I have been a rebel with my mom …. She tries to control […]