Here is my life story and why i want to kill myself.
when i was born i was dropped on my head by my crackhead mother and then because of it couldnt talk right but could still think the same according to the doctors. In my middle school years people started to make fun of me because of that and felt as if there is nothing else to do.
so luckily somebody introduced me to a little plant called weed and i could never get off of it and after a while of smoking that i got bored and started on the acid and coke. […]
Tag:
Nap
Anyone know what it’s like to lucid dream? In general I like dreaming more than life, and many days I feel depressed the very moment I wake up. But when you know you’re dreaming and have total control over it, it’s incredible. It tends to happen for me when I take a nap after being awake for just a few hours. Last semester on certain days I only had morning classes with nothing to do for the rest of the day, so I’d come home and go back to bed. This is when I would lucid dream.
It’s been awhile since I’ve had a dream where I was in complete control, […]
Every day I wake up wishing that I hadn’t.
I’m always tired. That fatigue I feel cannot be cured by a good nights sleep or a nap. Sometimes I feel that it will only ever truly be satisfied by death. Does anyone know what that’s like?
To wake up every morning sick to your stomach because you’re alive?
But-I try to bribe myself out of bed. I know that I have to keep myself busy-constantly run my brain because if I stop-those thoughts will catch up with me. I desperately try to find solace in the world. Feel the warmth of the sun, watch funny YouTube videos, draw…Â but it’s like trying […]
I am so sick of the ups and downs…. Make a plan to kill my self … Pray for a reson why not Tooo….. Gets the reson…work harder to better life ….Turn happy ….think about it deeply on accident …. But keep trying to be happy….minds starts to collapse in thougths…. Start to cry….. Work harder to keep my self from thinking… Began to fail at any activity at hand…. Decides to take a nap…..can’t sleep….stuck in thougth… Crys my self to masturbation… Hard to mesturbate…..fall to sleep in frustration…… Restart for the next day and repeat
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray someone in my house will sneak
Up to my bed, pillow over my face
Perhaps with a gun make my room a discrase
My blood on the bed her tears on the floor
While my wife gets away and crys for me no more
Her life would be better with me in the ground
I wish to run away and never be found
My life is so hard, no I’m not the only one
Stupid Canada can’t get a gun
A hose to the window as I take a long nap
The engine runs hot I’m sick of this crap
Why death leavs me to struggle I’ll never […]
I feel sad. I’m 35, male and I hate myself today. No real reason…. or perhaps too many to list here. Am I depressed yes but today I do not care. I wish it were all over. If I had a gun I believe it would be easy but silly Canadian laws. I think the best way to do it (aside form a gun) is to run a hose form the tail pipe of my car to the window, lay back in the drivers seat and take a long long nap. I often hear of innocent people who get hurt and killed on the news…. […]
Normally when I have a flashback or nightmare I write about it in my journal. Today I decided to post about it on here just so that I don’t have to keep this mess hidden inside me. This is hard for me to write about so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make too much sense.
I don’t usually have good sleeps, some nights I don’t sleep at all. I’m terrified of the dark in fear of my abusers getting me. Last night I dozed off, I didn’t fall asleep, just went into a trance to try to calm myself. Around 10am this morning I was triggered when I […]
Crying alone
Curled up in a ball
No one there to comfort you, no one at all
You sit their waiting
All you want is to be loved
As you cut yourself gently
You sore like a dove.
The joy comes at a price
As you slice
You’re loosing part of yourself
To the darkness in your head
As the monsters grow stronger
You grow weak
And feel sleepy
You close your eyes
To take a short nap
As your parents walk in
And scream
As they see there precious baby
Covered in blood shivering on the floor
They call an ambulance
But your far to gone
And finally you’re […]
My Life Just Needs To End…
 Well I’m 16 now but 4 1/2 half years ago my life started to change… For the worst.
 It was my 8th grade year I was so excited to grow up and be a “teenager” I knew a lot of people but didn’t have many friends I kinda kept to myself and my sister got me into weed so I thought I was the only one who smoked at my school. I kept it a secret from even my Bestfriend at a time… But then I met this girl and her name was Alex omg she was amazing she became closer […]
I’m tired. That’s all, just tired – of everything. I’ve carried a diagnosis of depression for a long time, but I’ve always managed to keep going in spite of it. Not anymore. I’m just too tired. I don’t think many people understand what it means to be tired like this - it isn’t the ‘I need to take a nap or get a good night’s sleep’ kind of tired – no, this is a bone-deep, soul-weary, insidious form of torment, an uncertain affliction of indeterminate etiology and obfuscate symptomatology; a weariness that persists and will not abate.
I want it over. I don’t want ‘help’, I’ve […]
this is my first post so if i jibber-jabber to much i do apologize. im new at this the thought of a bunch of strangers reading this is still kind of weird but one of you might be or have been in the position im in and i would actually like to know the thoughts of someone that i guess can somewhat understand me. so here goes a bit of whats on my mind right now….
i get suicidal thoughts a lot lately. a couple days ago, i guess you can say i had a bit of a melt down. i was texting one of […]
I keep telling my guy that it’s getting harder & harder to not end my pain. I am flustered and short tempered with him bc I want him to help me, I want someone to see that I do not attempt I have been talking about it for a long time, that when I try I will in fact die. I have these reels of rapes and hurt, abandonment, success then failure that just play in my head and I cannot get them to stop. I did a program for PTSD and I use to be some hot shot CEO, but it’s like… I still […]
I was 13 when I realized that I would inevitably die.
I saw my body changing, and unlike most young teens who would
Enter a phase in which they cannot control their raging hormones and impulses, I merely noted the changes as the first leap toward my inevitable demise.
You see,
The change itself is what inspired this cognition.
I watched myself mature and it disgusted me.
My thoughts became more intelligent and clear, but apprehension and the reluctant realization of my mortality were the first discernible responses to the Change.
Life, at that moment, lost its magic.
I began writing. I played the guitar, in my room, […]
I guess I’ll open up my story, for whoever wants to read i guess. For the past years, i have been in such a long term depression. (on & off.) I’ve never ever been truly happy, for no less than 2 weeks or to where I didn’t even know what sad was anymore. It’s actually the other way around, i feel like i can’t even tell what happiness is. Ever since i was born, my dad was a big alcoholic. Always came home with a brown bag of liquor after work, and always stayed in his room. Telling my siblings and I, that he was […]
I’m a 22 year old engaged mother of one. My family takes care of my son and I entirely. I own a home, a car, I have food in the fridge and the lights are on.
I have failed at everything I’ve ever tried. I only graduated HS because my dad put me in a lock down boarding school where I didnt have a choice other than to graduate. I recently got kicked out of a school I’d been working 3 years to get into due to my anxiety/having to take medication for said anxiety.
I cant keep my house clean, I cant keep my kid happy, […]