is there anyone on here feeling hopeless that possibly lives on vancouver island bc ? because i would like to speak with you in person. if not im still here add my facebook to talk, i can feel your pain ive suffered in my past life as well. add me!  jaime michieli
I have to go back to work today after two weeks off’ and I’m so terrified to go. Everybody is going to look at me with those questioning eyes, smile their fake smiles, talk their small talk, ask how I’m feeling…
What do you say to them?
Thanks for asking!
“I’ve been off for two weeks because I can’t handle life. And when I get to this point I like to hurt myself, so I needed this time to recuperate from the demon emotions that overtake who I may or may not be, oh and I binged this weekend like a fat kid in a candy store only […]
No one is there for me when I need them. No one is there to catch me if I fall.
Family? Nope.
Friends? Nah.
Suicide hotlines? Not even.
“No one can love me” because I’m “so weird and selfish.”
There are people who are willing to argue that that’s not the case, but I bet they’re too fucking busy to even care. Hahahahahahahahaha ;).
Dad’s lectures are stupid as fuck and full of loopholes.
Mum’s his trusty yes man.
And I’m sorry, but the perfect, obedient son you’re looking for is in another castle.
Should have just eaten me when I was an egg, you god damn FUCKERS…
…HEY NIGGERS! YOU WANT MY LIFE […]
It all started at the beginning to high school, 9th grade.
I fit in perfectly, I made new friends everyday, hung out, went to parties, dated. Normal stuff that people would expect a normal teenager girl to do. But…I wasn’t exactly happy. Sure during the moment of all those parties and drinks and even experimenting with weed a few times (nothing I’m proud of anymore) I was happy. But after that adrenaline rush went away, and I sat in my bed looking up at my bedroom ceiling, I knew I wasn’t happy.
I guess I could say it started when I met Joe. He wasn’t someone that went to my […]
I go on here to hear people’s stories. I try to comfort people I know personally who wish that they were dead just like me. I see news articles on cnn about a teen girl who killed herself because she couldn’t take it.. Hell, I’ve had friends and even a love in the past that had taken their own life..
And now I take a second to think.. Who the fuck am I to try to save a life.. when I can’t even save my own? I’m drinking tonight.
I know she killed her self but i have tried worse ways then her. WHy didnt people relize my atttempt!! why wtf i mean come on i tried to cut open my stomach. thank you very much but of course know one seeems to care. maybe i should try something like that …
fuck
and prayers do go out to her family
Insanity: An allergic reaction to society.
Most of us wish for our eyes to swell shut, so that we would see no more.
We wish for our throats to close as we gasp our last breath.
Unfortunately, we just keep couching the shit back up, only to succumb to more.
I have been feeling really low for years I am a 5’11 African american 22 year old fat girl I intimidate people so I can understand why some people turn their faces up when I enter the room or when I do something embarrassing why they judge me with their eyes sometimes I want to  take myself out of this world so as to not burden my family. My shameful trying face is my problem its fake to me That face of  mine that tries at life the me that is happy feel like all an act to work for an empty place that never exists and I’m starting to feel like even strangers can […]
i am so hurt. i am so alone. i am crying every day because i miss her so much.
i am not afraid of being gone. i am afraid of being here, without her.
she told me more than once, “you are the only man i could ever imagine forever with, and that makes me so happy.”
now, she doesn’t speak to me at all… and very likely says those same words to another. this pain is too much. it may be “normal” for everyone else in the world to love and then leave. it may be perfectly acceptable for everyone else to abandon someone who truly cares. […]
I have been cut free for a year as of last week. I have never known any cutters other than myself, but that maybe because I never told anyone . No why would they expect that the laughing funny guy is just a mask to hide my rotting face behind.Even though its nearly killed me several times I still want to cut. When I cut I pretend I was a surgeon and I was just performing an operation, nothing was solved but nothing mattered.Does this ever go away? Its funny, such a little piece of metal can control me so easily.I cut  off one eyebrow […]
I ask if some of you can take a minute to read something of mine. Its not special. I used to love writing. Poetry and the art of literature was my passion. Unfortunately like most of me.. it has died. I wrote something for the first time in many years tonight.. As I keep myself from wishing I could end my life.
Ugh.. fuck! I’ve always hated my birthday.
You used to be there. Holding me tight; you made me whole.
You were my love, my heart, and everything in between. Until you peered into my soul.
I asked you to stay. You told me no.
Why did I have […]
I just burnt myself for the first time, and i don’t see what all the hype is about. I have heard from so many people that after cutting becomes too easy and doesn’t give enough thrill, burning helps to fill that void.
It’s a waste of time, it didn’t hurt all that much and looks like shit.
All i want to do now is slice my flesh open to see all my blood.
One fail after another.
I want someone to tell me they love me.
Either that, or I want them to beat me up until I cant walk anymore. Calling me a worthless whore while doing so.
I think I prefer option number 2.
suicide is
a permanent solution
to a
temporary problem.
you should ask.
i could answer
make everyone laugh.
it’d be great if
i could make you think.
make you realize that
suicide
is real.
and people feel it.
and people do it.
and rational consideration-
‘how will this affect others?’
-doesn’t come into play.
because pain is
real.
pain can make us do
stupid things
if we’re not
strong enough.
stupid things
like acting on it.
it’s an intense need to
escape
coupled with a limited understanding
of what death is
of what death can do
how it can
damage
and not solve anything at all.
it’s when you feel
powerless
to change things
hopeless
pointless
futile.
you KNOW
people will be hurt
because you did it
but
it doesn’t matter then
it doesn’t register
because
staying alive to keep them reassured-
maintaining, so they won’t have to suffer
while you do…
it’s not […]
Why is it, that life is so worthless even when everything is going right, i`ll tell you why:
I want some love ( not getting any)
I want an F***** break ( i`m frustrated with life)
I want to think clearly ( too much pain)
I need to stop whining ( f*** how?)
I want to stop excessive worrying ( 24/7 nuff said)
I want to be strong and have no anxiety ( Exercise doesn`t work)
I can`t afford therapy ( too much debt and my insurance company doesn`t cover a shrink)
pistol in one arm………………………………BANG
signal lost………………………..
im panicking just let me get this out
(i dont mean for anyone to take these things too personally, i just need to share..)
i might come across really negative, dont let it effect you… im really a good person)
please feel free to give me some suggestions to add to the list, i’d really appreciate any feedback
i hate the doctors office
i hate cards (birthday, greetings….theyre so corny
the dentist
the phrase “how are you” and the conforming answer”well, thanks, yourself?”
hate how there’s little options as to what you get in life.
perfume
i hate how i have to lie to myself by thinking positively
i hate how i wanna runaway but i […]
My world is sinking in
Ankle-deep
And skin, too thin.
Trapped in solitude,
Surrounded by multitudes,
Misunderstood
Left unprotected,
Left too corrected.
Caught in a dream world,
Not here, not there.
Nowhere.
Bullet in my head,
Swinging from a tree,
Buried six feet under,
Why won’t she die?
Â
Ripped and broken,
Torn a sunder,
With a heart like hers,
It’s a wonder.
Let her wander,
In the desert,
Through the mud,
There is no water,
Only sun..
Breaking chains,
Breaking free,
Still feel bound,
To every day.
Breaking hearts,
Broken mind,
Breaking promises,
Need to unwind.
Breaking faces with fists of iron,
And suffering the consequences
From whence they burn.
Time to sleep,
Time to die,
It’s better than this,
Unable to cry.
Foundering in my thoughts,
Left to think,
It’s a crime,
To plot to murder yourself
For less than the dime
You found in your wallet,
Hidden in […]
This weight is crushing me…. i can’ t keep this facade up any longer
I’m so weak. No wonder I’m alone… fuck it, where’s my blade.
don’t judge….atleast it takes this pain away
Not too much to say except, I came a long way but never really reached that mountain top. It’s a long way down the hill now and all my dreams lay dead below.
I’ve never really met anyone like me. I feel trapped in my own head. I can be so superficial, really, to be honest. And I am ashamed of it. I don’t know if  there could have ever been any other way for me, but I remember it all started by trying to scape the pain I was feeling. Movies kept me alive in a far away land where beautiful girls were loved for […]
there is this constant hollowness in my chest. when i breathe, it fills up with pain. i miss her so much.
i have lost control of every aspect of what i am supposed to be. i want nothing except to hold her again.
i don’t belong here, but she doesn’t want me there either.
i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to be. nothing matters to me anymore except my thoughts of her…
i unwittingly hurt her. and i have punished myself everyday for that. she knowingly hurts me. and i love her regardless. i know i can’t do this without her anymore.
my only regret is […]
Please log in to report posts