As said before,I dont find it necessary to explain myself.3 gallons of water in 2 hours is the goal,and after further research I will be sitting in a small shower room with a pancho on to sweat out as much salt as possible,seeing as to my body is in no condition to run or work out.my injuries hold me far beyond that.after removing as much sweat from my body as possible i will set a timer for 2 hours and begin the process. Ill post again within 24 hours if it doesn’t work.
Tag:
necessary
I m 33, I dont have anything left that is necessary for living a life not in a economic sense!! I m on antidepressants, antianxiety medications for last eight years! Hardly any motivation left, almost 16 hrs sleeping.. I know I cannot kill myself.. Kind of a numb zombie!! I don’t have any future left!
Tonight I feel lonelier then ever. I have absolutely no one to spend time with.
I decided to go movies but have ended up drinking alone at an empty bar haha. Fuck I’m lonely
I just want someone who is excited and willing to reach out to me to hang out. I see all my friends leaving hand in hand. Then there’s just me. I have no one.
I like life but I wish I didn’t have to live. That is to say I wish I didn’t need the things necessary to live in order to go on living. If […]
I hate everything about my body. I wish I could afford all the cosmetic surgery necessary to fix it. I wish there was some kind of medical procedure available so I could remove my mind and put it in a body that isn’t hideous. I know I’m genetically inferior because everything about me is horrible. Someone told me once that I look like a certain celebrity, it was not flattering, and after I realized how ugly everyone else thinks I am I wanted to put a gun in my mouth and die.
This is one of the strange feelings I have about suicide. I easily believe that if I die by natural means or accident, I’ll simply perish forever. But if I try suicide I cannot imagine that I’ll be dead, I feel like I’ll survive somehow and end up in a worse situation. Even if I make sure that I do everything right, I cannot imagine that I’ll be able to kill myself. I feel like there is 0% chance of success. I feel immortal somehow.
Science and my logic says that this cannot be the case. If you make sure that you kill yourself, you’ll be […]
Its been odd, havent posted in a while since ive been caught up in feelings and thoughts. But now ive hit a wall again and its not even for the usual causes. Normally i would fluctuate between feelings of extreme highs and lows, though lately ive been cruising in the neutral zone.
Ive dropped a lot of expectations and hopes, its made me look at things or losses as unavoidable but necessary. Where it used to cause me grief now i have a sense of understanding why things happened that way. Why people reacted to me and my condition. With that i no longer dwell […]
If your journey has brought you to a place where you believe in “nothing” then just live in the reality of, what is for you, Truth. You are young and have a long way to journey yet. Just be the best person you can be and try not to impose your non-belief on others. Don’t mock, don’t judge. Because if Atheism is what you’ profess to believe in, then that is your religion…..it’s a belief system that professes a non-belief, but it’s a belief system none the less.
My own personal opinion about the labels of belief and unbelief is that they inflict a sort of […]
Why is it that for the scariest and most dangerous undertaking of my life, there is no one I can turn to for help? Why do those who supposedly love me want me to continue suffering instead of helping me end my pain? Would they really prefer that I suffer a messy, painful death alone, rather than ensuring that I go out feeling loved and at peace?
I have only to imagine the reverse situation to have the answers to my questions. I know I could not stand by while my loved ones died by their own hand. And yet, this so called love is condemning […]
I am 45 years old; I gather that I have thought about ending my life since the age of about nine. Never mind that most “normal” kids never think about killing themselves ever. To ponder suicide on a regular basis since you were in grade school seems a burden that no God should place on a person.
I have no will to accomplish anything. I feel very little except disgust about myself. Counseling rarely helps; I am such a people-pleaser that I seek to say whatever I think will make my counselor feel he/she has done a good job for the day. That’s jacked up, I […]
I have no more doubts about my suicide anymore. I know that it’s necessary for me to leave this world to find peace, to end this misery. I’m filling up my time to avoid suspicion or hospitalization at the moment, so I’m just working on becoming fluent in German haha.
Oh, and an update. No matter what I do, it’s not fucking good enough and everyone still hates me. So really, nothing new. I still hate myself. Nothing good enough to live for. I’m always just going to be a failure, a shadow in the dark, good for nothing hopeless freak.
Is it possible to actually die of boredom? I’m desperately hoping so. For the past few months, it’s been just so boring. School is a waste of time. I get all A’s, a B, and a C. I spend the day learning useless factoids that will never be necessary in later life, and then maybe go home and play music, and then just watch TV and eat ice cream before going to bed. Then, the game begins again. The weekends are just a continuation of my after-school activity, and they’re boring too because I remember that school is a day or so away. I have […]
In solitude, steadily moving towards what is not mine: a sense of tranquility. An artificial sense of gratitude steeps through the thought of tranquility, tranquility becomes a symbol of your demise. The feeling of gratitude to what is not wanted: it’s betrayal, that betrayal is present in the tranquility: the tranquility of the – ordinary! The ordinary is a distinction of your-self from the rest, they’re ordinary, you’re authentic. The meaningless feeling of tranquility they enjoy, cannot be a result of emptiness filled with the necessary elements that gratitude feeds on to manifest. Why you want that tranquility, you just can’t figure. In the end, that […]
“Drastic means are not as necessary as you think.” Why did I have to get this stupid fucking cookie.
It’s always the same. In school they force you to work together with your classmates to create a presentation or something. But the word “together” is totally non-sense. Guess who always turned out to do all the work and receive no credit at all for it. The explanation is so simple that I am astonished even teachers don’t understand it: Just take a group with 3 people, grades A B and C+ or whatever. If A wants to retain his good grade he will have to do the work all alone, since neither B nor C- can do the work necessary to receive an A; […]
I wish you would say hello to me. Ask me how I’m doing. But I know you will always choose her over me and I will sit here with all the loyalty and love I had for you and let it rot.
being alone hurts but I think it’s necessary now.
but forget about lonliness. My goal for the next hour, if my therapist decides to roleplay in session again in a few minutes, is to not have a breakdown on the way home again. Can’t fucking live the nightmares over and over again.
Mental Health Week ends today in my country. I am very lucky to live in a country that is pretty accepting of mental health issues but even with it’s national recognition on media and such, I can tell you that I still continue to have stigma placed upon me from first hand experience. For instances, I was tricked into disclosing my health issues during a job interview and it was so obvious from what the lady said, wrote and acted after I did disclose my mental health problems that I wasn’t going to get the job. I stupidly tell people that I am feeling suicidal […]
I’m not suicidal. In fact, I found this website by accident. I had no idea that people even contemplate suicide and it’s very hard for me to understand. No horrific event has happened to me, I went to a £15000 ($23000) private school in London and it’s because of my closed life that only recently that I’ve even reali(s/z)ed that so many people had such difficult and heart-breaking emotions.
Many problems may be hard to fix but could someone (preferably with experience) explain to me why anyone would ever feel it necessary to end their life.
It is always the same thing. Funnily, I should say, it is always the same thing. They pretend to care. They pretend to share my sorrow. They pretend to wish me the best.
But they just don’t care. They have their little own things to worry about and I’m not a part of these little things. I’m just contingent. And why (WHY?) would they care for someone who isn’t necessary? I’ve heard it a couple of times. I’m just the depressed and anxious girl they know and I need to stop worrying and to have bright ideas. Yeah please do tell a diabetic person to stop […]
I wake up each day wondering what I am doing and why I am still awake.
I had aspirations and hopes that lifted me up really high only to drop me in abyss of nothingness. Live to the fullest? What is the point? For what? For myself? I hate to break the news. There is no more me left as I no longer can feel anything except my weakening willpower and body as the days go by.
What is life for really? What is this pursuit for life actually? For happiness which will slowly fade away to nothingness? For challenging your brain which will […]
“Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” – Exodus 3:5b
My life is one that has been ravaged. I portioned out the substance that I once had to the rats and cockroaches in the deepest gutters of my soul. I am left, a shell, an empty vessel, waiting — wanting — to be filled. I have called myself a Christian, and I have — shamefully — become no more than a stumbling block. I have sold myself to drugs, to alcohol, to sex, and to hate. I want nothing more than to slough off the impurities of my sin. I want […]
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