My whole body mind heart craves and yearns for death . Â Sweet death. Â i need it like I need air…. Â Help me pls
Tag:
need
Your heart so hard and cold
The tears I hold as you all laugh at me.
Others not moving an inch, standing where they may
Your words so filled with silly hate.
Your hate is jealousy in the purest form.
I smile and pretend that the words don’t cut like knives.
That I can’t hear the little whispers in the halls
I don’t understand what I did.
I just want it to end, I want it to end here and now
Your hate is your poison and you choking on it.
Every breath you take, hate
Every move you make, hate
Every look you give, and […]
I really need to rant. I’m 4 days away from the anniversary of the murder I witnessed and I am fucked up. Â The last thing I need is nosy-asses in my life.
My nosy-ass neighbors will not stop getting into my business. I am well deep into planning my own demise, but I’ve determined that I certainly can’t hang myself from a tree because these fuckers would call the cops. I swear, they know more about my life than I do. They’ve often remarked that they noticed my bedroom light was on. Really? Why the fuck is that their business??
I can’t go into my fucking yard […]
I don’t know if anyone reads this, I hope so.
I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m empty. I’ve had a depression, It’s been gone, but now I think it’s coming back. Last time I had it was actually around christmas, I wouldn’t live anymore. It’s wierd you know, being happy about life,but then some things happen and boom, you just want to die. In January I told my teacher, that I’ve been sad in a long time, and that I wouldn’t live anymore, that I didn’t care about anything or anyone. Luckily I have this really good friend, she told me to talk with someone, […]
It’s pretty simple actually. First, you need to buy a plane ticket and travel far far away to an island called Hell. It’s a very mysterious place. In order to survive there you dont need to do a single thing. The bad thing is that you dont gain anything either i guess. You’re just stuck. No one really knows where this place is located or when you’ll get there, but trust me, you will get there eventually. Once you arrive, do NOT rest. Start immediately to search for a way out of there! You will probably meet others there. Some are lying on the ground […]
Did you ever wanted that every human being had a restart button and start all over again? well, that’s all i ever wanted since i start to feel this way, empty, usseles, no loved, but no, you need to learn how to live with it, you need to learn how to deal with every day, i don’t think i’m learning to, i don’t like this world, i don’t like my life, i don’t like anyone around me, Â I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS WANT TO FEEL LOVED, I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS DEPEND ON SOMEONE, Â i hate myself, but sorry, killing myself […]
Has anybody (obviously you have) gotten to the point when you feel like you’ve run out of tears? You want to cry, let it out, you need it, but somehow you can’t? Numbness slowly taking over day after day… I would give anything to be able to cry my heart out right now. It’s just what you need sometimes.
Death cannot be worse than this numbness. Nothing is. We all know that no pain is much more painful than what we call pain…
Not feeling at all,
PURPLEPAIN
I hate my self so much I just want to die life is hell please if I could just feel better maybe I wouldn’t need to die anymore my life just causes pain and that is the last thing I want to do I don’t want to die anymore I need to it seems like the only ending
I would tell it:
return 0;
Barring that, break out of the very long finite loop called life. It’s taking up too many resources, and we need to kill it.
Just found out my psychiatrist(the one who helped me through my bad trip) killed himself,after being one of the top psychtrists in Sillicon Valley(Cali,look it up)
He was found selling drugs on the side even though he didn’t need too,He drove a rolyce rolce and lived in Monterey and had two offices in san jose and monetary what a world, what a world
My prayers go out to him and his family,he helped me very much
After my attempt a couple days ago I told my mom and she told me with tears down her eyes that it was selfish. That how can I do that to her. I have not once seen my mom who i love break down before so I sucked all my emotions in and with a straight face told her I would not try ever again. But I know its a promise I can’t keep. Distractions have been coming up I recently got into a relationship but I know I’m not ready for that I’m not stable but I just need something anything that will help […]
im done with the waiting around
but i can stop it; i just cant stop it
it hurts to wait for people like this
but i have to; i force myself too
i try to let people go and on their way
instead of them hanging around me
and me bring them down to my level
but i cant let go of these people
and i dont know why because i need to
i need to let them go because soon
ill be going myself; ill be on my way
and maybe its going to hurt them
or maybe not, but all i know
as […]
It’s been almost 2 weeks since I stopped cutting, I was not that bad when I stopped that’s why I did, but I don’t think I’ve ever had this huge need to cut like I have right now, it’s getting really tough…I’m not sure I can continue like this, maybe I should continue doing it, nothing seems to care, I don’t even care so…
I’ve just realized I have a pretty big spending problem. It’s like I’m living pay check to pay check. I’m not sure why I’m doing it though.
Probably just buying some comfort for an hour that ends up making me feel like shit after.
I’ve been doing it quite often it seems. What is happening to me? Some sort of impulse behaviour to calm me? Trying to hold onto hope? Something more primal?
I don’t know. But I gotta stop. Bills need to be paid. Though maybe it’s been a hindrance to getting better? Or preventative measures to avoid getting worse.
Instead of cutting my leg or stomach like I usually do, I made a few slits on my wrist. Not deep….but I was satisfied with the amount of blood I drew. Fucked up, I know.
The thing is now it’s gonna be harder to hide. I think I’m finally getting my courage to go further to the vitals. If the rope doesn’t beat the knife to it.
Boy oh boy. Sorry if this is a trigger to any of you. I don’t even know why I feel the need to say this stuff.
I just don’t understand people’s fascination to live same as they can’t understand my […]
I have so much fucking homework and why is that? Because I procrastinate, I just don’t feel motivated at all to do my homework, I prefer to sleep or just do nothing. How stupid of me?? I should use my time better. when the due dates get close, I even hesitate to do it, I wait until the last very minute. and even then I have no motivation whatsoever.
I should be doing my homework right now, but I still got some time.
since I found this site I feel a little better because now I know for sure Im not the only one […]
I Should Have Thought Of a Sophisticated Title (or “Proof I Suck At Titles” or “I Have a Tendency To Make Titles Long”)
by monsterly
written by monsterly
Imagine a map, it’s a map of the world, a giant map, placed on the wall.
There are lights on the map, some of them blue, some of them white,
some of them glistening more, some of them flickering faintly.
Each light represents a soul.
Your light is on the map and I don’t know if it’s blue, white,
if it’s shining or if it’s hiding, if it’s bruised or healing.
(If it’s healing, it’s purple.)
Then something horrible happens; a villain steals the lights.
Not the souls,
just the lights.
Blue, white,
purple.
No indication of them on the map.
The map’s plain now. That’s not nice, is it?
A plain map. A plain map that didn’t use […]
So lately all my friends want me to help them with relationships of their own. I don’t know all the answers sometime and thats what usually makes me feel bad. When i can’t find out how to help i feel bad i cry and just go on a rampage. One of my exs still a very good friend of mine started to tell me to focus on my own relationship. For some reason i never listened but now a days all i try and do is be there for them. But then my so called friends make me feel like crap cause im not helping […]
im sorry im leaving
but i dont think you understand
i need to leave this planet
i need to leave
why you might ask
because im hurting people
far too many people
no youre not you may reply
but i am maybe not directly
but indirectly i am hurting them
i worry them and make them panic
i make them concerned about me
ive tried lying i really have
but i cannot lie about this
i must go and leave you
i apologize for that
but i have to go
i need to leave this planet
so no one gets hurt by me anymore
so […]
My dad and I had an argument last night… He might split me and my girlfriend… He said he’s gonna find me counselling for my suicide… If I lose her, I’m gonna need more than counselling and to stop me.