So you see, I used to have this boyfriend. He was practically my savior. He was the reason I didn’t commit suicide the first time. But he was one of a kind. He took interest in what I liked, he always supported me. He never pressured me and he was fun. He not once mentioned anything passed kissing so it never got awkward between us. He legitimately cared. Then one day he tells me he has to break up with me cuz of his father. Now here’s my problem. Everything reminds me of him and I still love him and miss him. All week I’ve […]
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night
So I’ve been inspired. By a film that could be old or new or modern or whatever, that isn’t the point. The point is I’ve just seen it. It’s called ‘the long way down’. Anyone in the UK willing to travel around….Lets all meet, lets help each other or give time to each other or anything. Why not just met for a night, a drink, a meet. Why not just connect. If you have that ounce of hope, then run with it.
*this poem is in a book i read its called wattpad love i wanted to share it*
The Girl and the Shark
Once upon a time, in the middle of the
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Why is it so hard for me. I can’t find happiness in anything. I don’t think I could ever be happy. I hold on to things that I shouldn’t and if I find something that makes me happy, my mind reminds why I shouldn’t be happy. That voice that takes anything positive and turns into a negative. When I was younger I would pray to god and tell him to please please kill me in my sleep. I don’t think I could ever be happy. I used to tell myself “next year will be better,” I’ve said that for 5 years. I don’t think my […]
I’ll have a drink for that. Another thought about my ex-fiancee, I’ll have a drink for that too. Another thought about my deceased loved ones, there’s a drink for that. Just a little sip, oh look some anti-anxiety pills I’ll have to take those too. Looking at my life, the past the present and the future and having absolutely no idea where I am going to be, there’s a noose for that…
For most of my life I wished i was never born. I’ve never seriously thought about suicide methods as it was something i thought i couldn’t do.
Last night i felt myself taking a step closer towards the act. Although I’m not quite ready yet, the thought of knowing relieved my pain a little. I could see an end to my misery, whereas before it was indefinite.
I’m not posting this because i need attention. I just have no one to say it to and i need it.
Lately my aunts been telling me i do or did things yeti have no memory of it, the other day she finally lost it and said i was just fucked up in the head and said she had to walk oug to resist beating the shit out of me. Thats all i remember but i woke up in the middke of the night my arm hurting and by the looks of it i stabbed myself with scissors. The next day i noticed the skin around it turning green, is that bruising from the impact or should i be worried, idk i just didnt know where […]
An adventure in a really strange land full of happy towns and dark valleys. Once you get off your village there is no way back and you must keep walking and walking until you have your feet in blood. If you get lost, oh dear, that is your end. The demons that live in the darkest valleys will follow you day after day, night after night, and at the most small sign of weakness they will eat you alive. You can truly believe that they are not real and they are not following you, but they are. They are so real like you. And once […]
I know he had struggles though I know nothing more than what was posted over the past 15 or so days. I haven’t seen him post since his last message that said his time was drawing to an end that night after two unsuccessful attempts. He was lonely and without hope. I don’t know if he is around (though I hope he is) or not but regardless I still light a candle for him.
You were vulnerable and I left you.
I felt I had no choice.
Nonetheless, I threw you away.
You needed me to take care of you,
I did not value your life.
I do now, so very very much.
My deepest, deepest sorries.
I am hurting so much.
But you, you paid for my incompetence with your life.
I prayed for you the night before they took your life.
I didn’t know it would happen that way, that day, I would’ve came for you. I would’ve ran to you.
Please believe me.
God did not answer my prayers that night.
God has never answered […]
2012. 2012 was the first time I came here. First time I set my eyes on the town called Elliot Lake. Unimpressive at first glance, and even at third. But it had a way of growing on me. Like a bad dream that had an encouraging meaning underneath the fear. The rehab center looks just like how I left it – except at night it seems to have a haunting glow of a bittersweet nostalgia.
The Oaks center. The family program. If there’s rehab for growing up in a fucked up broken home – this is the one. Program was a joke and it was horrible […]
I came across this site while googling what would happen when taking too many hydroxyzine or seroquel. It’s funny because after several suicide attempts I still keep trying even though I can’t bring myself to keep trying at anything else. I continue to take too many pills every night in hopes that one of these nights it will kill me but so far I’ve had no such luck. I wish I was this motivated in other aspects of my life.
this place seems kinda dead, but oh well. i’ve run out of good places to share my real feelings. i wonder if anyone here remembers me at all (prolly not). things are the same as they were before, except i’ve gotten more depressed and it seems like i’m also physically falling apart, although i’m only 18. my body does not work how it should, along with my mind.
last night i had what i can only describe as a panic wave or some kind of anxiety attack. it was just after 12:30 am and i had turned the lights out for bed. all day i […]
Over the weekend I had one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I can’t help but love him even though he won’t be mine. He admitted to being superficial. But I ended up getting to rub him down with a full body massage. And it was relaxing, in the sense that, it’s a moment I’ve always dreamed of, giving all of my attention to the one I love, in a romantic way. Only thing I couldn’t do is follow it up with kisses, since we’re not at that level. I’m afraid I’ll never see him now that something he’s committed to doing has […]
I had a look at my guitar leads and I realised how easy it would be to asphyxiate asphyxiate yourself. I might do it night. Maybe……..
Second post…
me and Shanna had a fight last night. I was talking to my son who was upset about a death we recently experienced. I was trying to console him and make him comfortable. She lit me up so hard and I just sat there and cried like a ***** in front of my son. Then, to top it all off, she took her engagement ring off and gave it back to me as if she found it in a crackerjack box and it meant nothing. I was crushed. She grabbed her daughter and left. I hate myself. I’m not a man. I am a […]
Last weekend I decided on today to be the best day to kill myself. It made a lot more sense than 7/2/15 because I didn’t see a connection in those numbers. But I like, and do like, how 11/30/77 to 7/30/15 looks and sounds. I’m a bit of a numbers freak, so dying on the same day of the month is appealing, along with the connection between my birth year (two 7’s) and it being the 7th month. Close enough. Like I said, I’m a numbers freak and I pay crazy attention to numbers. But what stopped me???? ….
I was (and do still) feel so […]
The girl that hides all behind a mask.
Fakes smiles and laughs when she gets hit and falls to the ground.
Telling her self its ok because one day she will be free.
But late at night crying and cutting her wrists to shit .
She ends up laying down and watches the blood leak from her wrists and wispers why me.
Why am I hated so much? It’s realy hard to breath in this fucked up world .
Why do guys hit me is it because I am nothing ?
Why dose my father hate me so much why cant he leave me be .
He tortured me abused me […]
I just shouted at a homeless who started talking to me.. to stfu and then 10minutes later my ex who is the reason I am this ready… with whom i was supposed to spend the night with… who i was picking up from work and was waiting for infront of her office for 15minutes then walks out and tells me she is sorry but her girlfriend just called her… i walked away not saying anything finding the first wall and started smashing into it… it hurts quite badly… búúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúút i love this feeling… it numbs everything.
I got frustrated watching the Sopranos last night because the characters were acting stupid. My anger at these fictional people once again reminded me of how empty my life is. I recently came to the realization that I don’t actually have any friends. My co-workers only care about what I have to say if it’s entertaining and won’t hang out with me after hours. The friends that I do see in my spare time only ever want to do stuff once every 3 or 4 months. The guy that I considered my best friend is little more than an acquaintance. I’ve told him so much […]