A few days i bought a whole lot of supplies for my exit & wrote on here that I would soon be leaving. For anyone following that post I am still here (obviously).
I decided to go and visit my mother for the night before I committed suicide. I was still convinced that now was the right time but during the night this really weird thing happened…..
I woke up during the night as i thought i heard my mum out in the hallway. I tried to sit up in bed and call out to my mum to ensure she was alright (she was […]
Tag:
night
I just woke op covered in my own vomit. I think i lost it. The night is long what to do ? I love the darkness and the loneliness. It should just never end.
So a few days ago the last reason for me to live disappeared. The girl i loved and thought she loved me too, through me out of her room so she could have sex with another guy. I didn’t go to work this week i just could not stand seeing anyone. Now there are no more excuses not to do it. No more hope, and no more reason to go on. Plus if i kill myself i’ll give 3 more persons a reason to do it to. 3 pearsons who have no more reason to live, not with me and not without me. Just make them […]
I drafted this awhile ago but then started feeling better. But my depression has re-triggered and it’s stronger than ever. The anxiety pills and antidepressants don’t work. Drinking doesn’t dull the pain, it now only intensifies it. My therapist and doctors try so hard but I see the worry in their eyes because they know they can’t reach me anymore. I’ve run out of ideas and energy, and my life feels empty and done. It’s time to post this just in case. I need MC to somehow discover the truth. If it’s meant to be, he’ll find this someday. He’ll know it’s him. He and my therapist know the story, but […]
man, its been awhile. how is everyone today/night?? Its perfect weather out here: cloudy and raining.
I woke up this morning seeing the bright light from the sun.It was 11:11 am,I must’ve drink too much alcohol last night that I feel a lil’bit tipsy this morning.I was talking to a friend in which I have lied about something,still,she can’t decide if she’s going to stay or not I think I deserve it anyway.I lied to people who cared and accepted me.Im a bullshit.She might stay or not,nothing will change I’m still going to be free on Feb 1,in the arms of death I’ll find comfort.
This is by far the best song that I listen too through my daily struggle in this world I listen to it when I’m speeding in the highway. At work everywhere you guys will love it especially the drop at 2:09, 2:52, 4:20 & 5:05 that beat is ridiculous this is the song I’ll never be able to post a better one than this DRAGONFLY that’s exactly what I see especially when I drive. Fastest I ever went with this song was 198mph on a 2am night of Christmas 2015 yes 198mph is the fastest I ever went in my life I won’t say where […]
Hello my deceased father, are you going to help me kill him or kill me? You’re standing in front of my bed talking to me in a voice I do not understand and sounds so foreign. The image of you is so clear it’s like you have been resurrected from the dead to see me one more time, I cannot tell if I am dreaming or awake, this is so surreal. I have to say it is nice to see you again father, even if I do not know your intentions.
Peering out my bedroom window to see my expensive exercise equipment on the lawn of […]
My arms and wrists itch and burn. I relapsed bad last night. Can you even call it a relapse if you never tried to stop in the first place? I took pills, too. I can’t stop taking them – both in large quantities and small. I think I’m getting addicted. I’m ill. Everything hurts. And I’m stuck I college. Class starts in 7 minutes, and I feel awful. Despite the pills, and how many I took, I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just needed the pills. I needed to get rid of the pain, and I couldn’t cut at that exact time. Surprisingly, my […]
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I won’t sleep. I’ve had barely any sleep this past week. It’s getting bad again. I’ve slept 2 nights (Monday and Wednesday , I think) for about 4/5 hours each night, and the hours weren’t consistent. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, with falling back asleep awful. But despite this sleep deprivation, I need to stay awake. I need to watch in the night for them. They’re in my room constantly. Watching me. I need to stay awake so they don’t get me. The only time I can sleep is when they’re not there – which […]
NO home
family out of sight
tears shed
on this cold, dark night.
A razor
a deadly kiss
who wouldve known
it would end up like this.
A new year
the same shit
always sad
feeling worthless.
Had it up to here
cant go on
have no where to go
I dont belong.
It all started with presenting my research paper . I couldn’t talk . And when I did I just sounded like I had no idea what I was talking about. I did so bad .
Then I took my dental assisting tests . I was so freaked out . I don’t even know why.
Then I went to the group interview . It was the stupidest fucking interview I’ve ever been to. You literally play games . And dance to music with randoms . I mean it was alright but still. All the staff members were annoying . I couldn’t stand any of them.
I fucked up on […]
A while back I was confronted by a goon at night who wanted to forcefully make off with some of my possessions. He walked up to me like, ” Hand over that bag if you don’t wanna die, do you really want to die??”
For a moment I was like, damn, how did this guy read my mind?? Should I just say yes??
What would you do in such a scenario??
problems with parents. depressed. suicidal.
my mother finds every excuse to beat me, yell at me and ruin me. ive been told many times to kill myself by her, to leave, to go to an orphanage, but to mostly just die. it was terrible before but it’s only getting worse. recently she locked me outside of the house at night in below freezing weather, while it was raining and left me there for a near hour, locking the doors of the house. then, on the same day, she said to me “either i die or you die” and kicked me out of the house again for […]
And I aint going nowhere until I feel it’s time for me to go.
I’m more determined than ever to stick to my plan.
I am filled with so much anger and hatred, it scares me. The things that run through my head scare the shit out of me. I shouldn’t be having these thoughts. I shouldn’t be having all these homicidal thoughts. But, they are all I’m holding onto right now. They are what keeps me sane. My head is all fucked up.
I live with monsters. I can see myself slowly becoming a monster as well. They keep poking. Well, I will finally poke them back.
Poke […]
Progress is hard to really acknowledge, because its hard to measure. Some days i still want to give up, but I’m coping with it better and actually beginning to deal with things in a healthy way.
There have been many things in my life at the moment which I’ve been tempted to quit and stop, I’ve felt like i don’t have the energy or motivation. I forced myself to continue my ‘hobbies’ and every time I’m glad i didn’t stop because it helps and makes me happy.
The night is the hardest, everything runs through my head and i struggle, i can’t sleep and when i do […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Tall-guy-Free-me.mp3
A song I wrote about depression.
Lyrics:
Free me from this prison,
I’ve been locked away for so long,
every day seems to last forever.
Then comes the night,
the time when all my toughts are set free,
they flow through me aimlessly
wanting to become a part of me!
I can feel the darkness
taking over my mind,
all I can see is blackness,
I feel empty, like there’s nothing to be found.
Within me
there is only despair,
I can not see clearly
it feels like life isn’t fair.
And then I think to myself
what feels better,
or less painfull
than being alive?
A rope around my neck?
A bullet through my head?
freefalling through the sky
meeting death at the end?
And then I think […]
The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night.
by Luke
written by Luke
Hello there,some of you here,might have forgotten about me I used to be a regular here few months ago,after that there was this botched up suicide attempt after I was undergoing some “therapy” but it didn’t help and I am back here again.Its good see u all again.
Not that it was off anyway.
I’m so tired of taking all this shit from these people who call themselves my neighbours. I AM SO FUCKING MAD RIGHT NOW.
These sons-of-a-bitches think they can just mess with my little sister any way they want. My sister was in tears after being harassed by my so-called filthy shitty, motherfucking neighbours. Not the killers. The killers are long gone. But their fucked up relatives who are still around. The bitches who hid the killers from the cops.
I’ve never been so fucking pissed in my life. I wanted to fucking beat up a *****. They gave me a chance to […]
It was my birthday last night and I think I was one drink away from alcohol poisoning.