It was depression that killed the remaining happiness I had left, but it was the same thing that keeps me going. Most of the time? I just want to die, to disappear until there are no ashes, no trace of my existence would be left. To be just nothing, as I am now. But the nothingness wouldn’t be overwhelming. As if I never existed. I always think that life was just a joke that I had to deal with. It’s like a prank I need to face everyday. The more I encounter it, the more it makes me sick. Then later on I wouldn’t notice […]
Tag:
Nine Years
I am really nervous about sharing my story as I dont want to say anything that will bother or upset anyone 🙁 but i will try my best to express myself in a way in which no one will be upset by.
I was born in Venezuela and i moved to the united states when i was 3, iam 17 and almost 18 now. (forgive me for not mentioning where in the USA i live)
I am really grateful to this country because it has given me great opportunity where as in Venezuela I would most likely not amount to much (not that i will ever amount […]
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
My name is Sarah and I am 19 years old. Since the day I formed human attraction I knew I was in a world of trouble. When I was nine years old I developed my first crush on a girl, knowing it was not socially acceptable I ignored it. I had always been a more masculine kid, preferred riding dirt bikes and rolling in the mud over pretty pink dresses. Although my family had always supported me as an individual they still leaned towards the norm. I was still forced into those pretty pink dresses as a kid. In my early teens I hit a […]
I’m losing it. I can’t go on. I once thought I was strong. I once was able to help people, some very simular in my situation. I once thought that I had a life to live and a life to give. No more. Suicide is a daily hell I have to face. Depression from 17 years of shit and depression and bullying and attacks. I’ve gone too far. I thought I could make it. I need help. I have lost all hope to go on, all hope to live. I am a author, a carpenter, an artist, an engineer, an interior designer, programer, computer technician, and […]
I remember when i was what society called happy, like, genuinely happy. a time when I didn’t feel like the world was blurred, like I was just a ghost. I felt, normal i guess. I was nine. that was it. nine years old. and then i just…faded.
I recall how I’d walk into the doors, I’d hear everyone talking, everyone would be with their friends. And me? I’d struggle just to convince someone that they could talk to me. I wasn’t well liked for God knows why. I guess people just needed an outlet to put all their hate, sadness, anger, and shit in. They chose […]
I died a long time ago, and as I’ve rotted through nine years.
Like a vulture, you have constantly eaten away my carcus, piece by piece.
Can’t you let me be.
Let me die in peace for goodness sake.
I have nothing, no one.
What more do you want from me.
Hey to everyone here on SP. going to start by saying how much I admire the strength you all have for reaching out to a site like this. I’ve been reading for a while, but never registered. I wish i had done it a long time ago. I’m at my fourth year in college, and I suppose in retrospect of my life, it’s always been a steady emotional decline, with small spikes of good big enough to keep me from noticing the downhill, but small enough to keep me from thinking things would really improve in the long run. I ran in front of a […]
hey guys just joined up, my story is about my failure to die.
it doesn’t begin in any fancy way, just with a girl, why is it always a girl? it’s been 10 years since i fell in love with her, both of us were nine years old at the time. but there never seemed like a time for us. for years we remained friends, best friends, but as close as we were it just never happened, i could never say how i felt. then she started seeing those guys, just in it for her looks and her body. she was clever enough never to […]
Ten years ago
We were both fifteen. Teenagers. Too old to be called children, and barely old enough to be called teens. Too old to be taken care of, but too young to get many freedoms. Lost, reckless and confused, much like the majority of our age group. Except for one tiny difference: we were being held in a school for emotionally unstable teens.
Neither of us thought there was anything wrong with ourselves, but apparently the rest of the world disagreed. We were both there for the same reason, which was cutting and repeated suicide attempts. Nothing some special school could fix; just a bit of […]
I am a 22 year old male currently considering suicide. I have depression, as well as a bout of terrible luck. But I can’t die yet. Not until I’ve at least gotten to spill my guts somewhere. So I’m doing this as an experiment. I can’t vent to anyone in my close circle of friends, because I have constructed such an elaborate facade, I’m not sure if they’d even take it seriously. So I figure doing so anonymously will be just as cathartic.
My parents got divorced when I was four. It is the first memory I have. It was not a pleasant divorce, to say […]
The pain inside just grows and grows,
My pulse, my mind, my life just slows,
I shake my fist at the God above,
For placing me in a life without love.
At nine years old raped and molested,
Beaten for years, why was I tested?
Is this a joke, some sick experiment,
To live a life without being loved, no happiness, no merriment.
Bullied and tortured for over ten years,
Locking myself in the bathroom, in fear, fighting tears,
Afraid of the world, fearing my next rejection,
Looking in vain, for some family affection.
And then came the day when my father left home,
Neglecting to tell me, no call to my phone,
He packed up the things he loved, old medals he’d won,
Which […]
I am starting to realize no matter what u do in life you will never be able to escape life without all the pain that comes with it. Life will be good there for a while and then I will just be knocked down again like I always do.It always happens. I try to hold on to the fact that things will get better and in a couple of months I will look back and realize life is worth living, but I have gone through this so many times I don’t see any hope. I try to keep holding on, but it is the hardest […]
First and foremost, Happy New Year everyone, though it seems that some of you here have had/are having a crappy time.
I’m new here, name’s Aki. I stumbled upon this site a few months/years back, but never registered. Got put off by the seeming anti suicide I was reading on here at that time (I think, I don’t know. I’ve gone through a lot of suicide sites). I’m not known or anything, but I do lurk around other sites, though they’re mostly pro. Anyways.
Here’s a brief summary of my attempted suicide history.
Started thinking about it when I was nine years old, then went through the whole emo […]
I am a shy eighteen year old girl, and have been a victim of bullying for the past nine years.
It first started when I was in the 5th grade and had moved to a new school. I was allocated a new friend to help me find my feet, but instead I had someone who would emotionally abuse me for the next three years. I told my mom in the 7th grade – she said she was mad at my “friend”, but she never did anything about it. All she could say was, “It’s a phase; it’ll pass.” I never told her about the other girl […]
Well, to be honest I don’t know why I’m here. To be blunt some random guy in a gaming community suddenly linked me to this site out of the blue and I decided that what the heck, I’d share my story since I’ve had self-destructive if not suicidal thoughts lately.
My mother was my world, I was not close to any of my other immediate family members. She’d had cancer for nearly nine years when she finally passed away. My world and life collapsed. I spent a whole week doing nothing but lying in my room, I didn’t eat, I barely slept; I simply laid on […]