Isolation can be a dangerouse thing.It can change you.it can warp you.it will mold you into something….not human.I know this because I live it.in all the years that I’ve lived in isolation, I noticed one thing.it takes you down a path….it starts to change you little by little.and everytime you hit a vital point down this dark path…you become that much less of a human.For me at least, I know this much.you start to hate uncontrollably, you turn into something else.Im a perfect example, im not human anymore…I may look,act,and sound like one but the truth is im turning into something of the dark.I love […]
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no one
I was looking through my old writings and found this. Just thought I’d post it.
I didn’t lose.
I didn’t lose for sure.
I never wanted to consume
something so horrible.
I never wanted to get shaken
by spoiled thoughts.
I fought.
I fought for all the rights
that concern me.
I did not lose.
I won.
I won and kept on living.
My friends have lost.
I kicked them to the ground and broke their bones so that they may never want me.
My family has lost.
I sent them away in my heart to avoid the pain of reality.
My loss came to my form.
I have hit […]
Im feeling very sad! Extremely lonely, hopelessness is like a black hole Ive fallen into. Some days are ok, some days I just want to sleep all day! Weekends seem to be the hardest to bare because I live alone and have no one to hangout with! My boyfriend has been pulling away from me for the past month, we haven’t spoken in days! He’s angry with me because I didn’t answer my phone for a whole entire day! Really, I called him 15 times in 3 days with no answer and he is furious with me for ignoring him for a day! I had […]
I feel completely hopeless, like a trapped animal in a cage who can’t break free no matter how hard he tries or how positively he thinks. I have no one close and meaningful to me, nothing to look forward to, and no reason to even try anymore. I’m so sick and tired of this frustration of going about existing. I’ll clearly never never find happiness on this planet so why am I still breathing?
Honestly, was anything I ever said or did good enough? Am I just someone you knew now? Is it because I wasn’t going to coddle you and baby you whenever you had a boo boo? Grow the fuck up. I’m not your mother.
What do you have to do nowadays to get people to stay by your side? Nothing I suppose. Because no one will stay by your side. You reach out for help and people spit on your hand.
All my friends, all my trusted companions, gone now because I obviously wasn’t their ideal person to associate with. The trust circle I have contains 2 people. […]
I hate living alone. I hate knowing no one is ever going to walk through the door besides me. I hate never feeling anyone else’s energy in the house. I’m going crazy.
I’m so fucking done with this household and this “family”. I’m tired of being taken advantage of, of being the only one that works, the only one that keeps the fucking lights on, the only one that carries the fucking world on their shoulders and is still expected to do everything. I haven’t even gotten the chance to sleep today, fuck I’ve only gotten four hours to carry me the last 24 hours! But no, they still need me to do more and run all their god damn errands and run their welfare asses around like I’m their god damn taxi driver. They can all […]
Not for anything but I’m so sick of feeling lonely and insecure and useless and inadequate. For once in my life I’d love to have a friend or a significant other stick with me and tell me that it’s going to be ok, that I have a life worth living. Sometimes I just have to be reminded, because the self pep talks are useless.
It’s probably extremely pathetic on my behalf, but I’ve recently started talking with my ex again. It’s stupid but I miss him. He’s married to an absolute ***** who’s driving everyone away from him, and I’ve warned him numerous times to get out […]
Just done tryin,
Tired of cryin.
Got nothing to give,
Got no reason to live.
No one will care,
No one will be there.
Just me all alone,
Just want to go home.
Walk into the sea,
Let it swallow me.
Become one with the deep.
Eternal sleep.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=TXIP6DHrc2I
Everywhere I turn, I find someone who I think is going to treat me different, like I’m a person and not an object to be used. But they all turn out the same. All but one person, who I’m so scared that I’ll lose I begged them not to ever leave me on multiple occasions.
I’m all broken and hurt and I think I’d rather be dead right now than feel this. I’m not saying I’m wanting to die, but it was an observation. Why is love and friendship not easy to come by? It seems as if no one wants me for who I […]
This was a cute little movie that peripherally involves a tragic suicide that happens while no one was paying attention.
Sound familiar anyone?
It is a little more plausible than a lot of movies, because the suicide just happens, like so many suicides do. People are so busy in there own little worlds that they can’t even see what’s going on around them.
It might be available at your local library, or Netflix or Hulu.
You normal people do not know how it feels to be different.
It’s like being lost in a dark forest, surrounded by a heavy fog. You sometimes see lights casted behind the fog, but only barely. You tried to follow the lights, but even if it is leading you to walk in circle, you could only keep on walking.
No one hear you scream. No one hear you cry.
You thought you have reached the end. In fact it is only more darkness.
You normal people sometimes give us positive feedback, give us hope, but most of the time you found us strange, weird.
I am confused. I don’t know […]
You know when I was depressed I always had this thought.
I always had this dream, this expectation, this thought.
That a person would come into my life and pick up my broken pieces.
That someone would help me off the ground and get me walking again.
Someone would wipe away my tears and dust me off and hold my hand.
That a human being would sit down with me and just hug me.
That someone would help me calm down and stop me from punching the wall and bruising myself.
Well guess what.
I’m fine now.
I am recovered and still recovering.
No one […]
i haven’t been posting much lately because it is always the same old shit. i take 6 medications to try to make me feel better. i was recently put in my place by my shrink who sees 24 nut jobs like me a day. 20 minute appts only. money wise it comes out to $800 an hour-nice scam . i finally got it through my thick skull that the less i say the easier the appts will be. just give me my scripts and send me on my way. i can write with impunity now knowing that no one has the time to read these […]
I’m back, again. Most of you don’t remember me. It’s been 2 years since I last posted. Time has not been easy on me. I have a lot of changes, big changes coming up in my life in the next couple of weeks. Already, I have gone through several big ones, like losing many friends and my therapist, who were the only people I had to support me. Now I’m down to one friend that is constantly there for me, though he has major problems of his own. I feel like I’m losing every single thing that means something to me in my life.
My 18th […]
Hello
My name is Micaela,
I have been upset and miserable for as long as i can remember.. Last night I had I fight with my mom who I once held near and dear to my heart, she is slowly drifting away day by day .. I cant stop it I dont know how… she makes me feel bad about everything I do when in reality all I want to do is help and make her proud (she Always tells me that she is , but I never really feel it)… like today during the fight she was describing the things I do but when I heard the way she was describing me it was like an exact image […]
I hate living by the hospital. My apartment just happens to be in between two firehouses, as well. At the bottom of the hill sits the police station. I hate this location.
I thought I would enjoy it, being walking distance to work and the train line. I figured I’d be safer in this part of the community, so close to all emergency services. I assumed it would give me peace of mind. It’s an inevitable contradiction in my soul.
I hear sirens daily, hourly at times, for minutes on end. Where are they going? My roommates and coworkers go about their day, it’s unknown […]
The king is dead
Once apon a time, he walked the streets a king
Happy,proud
safe and sound
Life was a joy
His home was his heart
He loved so much
No hatred in his thoughts
He was happy in his home
He was living his dream
Now life’s got him down
Chained through his knees
No turning back
He’s to tied to this place
Stuck
Roaming the same streets
No crown on his head;
The king is dead
Responsibilities like cement to his back
Never ending nights and no one’s up late
The world he once loved
Have turned him it’s back
The days are the same
Through his […]
I’ve suffered more pain in my 19 years than most endure in a lifetime. I’m so tired of going to bed every night hoping I won’t wake up, only to do just that and have the pain reply itself. No one in my life cares or even notices. I’ve attempted to end it once before, but I woke up in a pool of my own vomit instead. I tried to move on from suicide, but my life is a void. Nothing but lament can fill it. Everything jut seems so unease for me right now an I can’t stop this pain I’ve been feeling, it hurts […]
I don’t know what i’m doing, i’m trying to find reasons not to die but its becoming exceedingly difficult each day. I don’t feel i’m worth anything to anyone, i know i’m not. I don’t make attachments or really feel anything towards anyone, but there is always this one person it all goes into. Every time i love i’m brought to a grinding halt, reminded why i shouldn’t go there.
I really wish i knew what the point to all this is, everything is just pointless bullshit. What’s the point of living when you’re brain dead? when nothing makes you happy, sad or excited?
I’m trying to […]