So I just found this website o whatever today and I guess I thought it would be a good way to right the things I can’t say out loud to anyone even though I know no one will probably read this. I’ve been depressed for the last 5 years and I finally decided to see a psychologist about it since my self harm problem has started up again and my suicidal thoughts have been getting stronger. The only problem is my mom, I can’t tell her why i want to see a psychologist because she’d freak and never let me leave the house alone ever […]
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no one
Lately for about 1month and a half I’ve been feeling really disgusted with myself. Nothing about me pleases me. I think I really hate myself . I’m really fat and really ugly at least thats what I think. My friends and family think otherwise but no one actually understands me. Â If im not a hungry kid in africa or I can walk move and do other things most people can’t do I cant have no type of problems. Â I know I can try to change how look but its a lot harder then you expect. Â I can’t stand to look in the mirror it hurts […]
I’ve  always know that I’m not destined to be here, As  long as I can remembered  I’ve not fitted In school,college,work,peers and family. I don’t feel like I belong, It does not help that my life as not be the easiest off ones, no one really gets me I don’t  really blame them. Who would want to get  love or care for me I’m worthless I’m better off removing myself form this world. I’ve tried to end this endless pain on a couple off times I’ve been unlucky to be find on all off the occasions. Some would say that its not my time I […]
I want to die, tonight. But, I’m afraid that someone close would find me. I want to raid my family’s medicine cabinet and drift away in my sleep. But, I’m afraid of the person that would try to wake me up. The sad part is, that no one fully gets that something is wrong with me until it’s something turns into a disaster. But, they will be afraid that it was already too late.
Afraid that I’ve gone hacked, by some fragged fuck.
FBI of shit, erasing my lines. Upper-cutted in the ass by the devil.
Their horizons as far as chicken brain. They call em’ the Chicken heads.
Their blood are black. The witches. The voodoo. Calypso.
Back of the day, of ancient ancients. She saw the black blood.
And life, was dying since day one.
Hey… Spirit of the World, crew of the Black Pearl.
Give me an eye up in this *****, and say “I,” if you’re here.
Calypso, oh Calypso. Crying, in the world of abyssal.
My sister of blood… Our dying blood. She screams for […]
I am really feeling miserable. I have just divorced and found a gf whom I really
Love. She is so cute at times and sweet at times. But she is so self centre and thinks whatever she have done is right. She love to deny the facts and shout at me with serious attitude problem. Most upset is she like to be uncontactble, likes to hang the phone and likes to Mia when quarrel. I have some bad debts with me due to first marriage. I hope to have someone to enlighten me, I always burst out crying with the state I am in and […]
Im sure my brain is “wired” incorrectly
Unable to sleep propperly since a child
Earliest memory is standing above a large drop (for my age/height at the time) wating to throw myself down it
So I have been wishing death since 4/5 years old
Im almost 30 now and it cant continue
In the past I have tried a mix of different drugs, as one does in younger years
I found almost all of them to produce strange effects ine that no one else got
Mdma made me feel like my body was stuck in slow motion. Anti depressants are based on this kind of chemical structure and in turn cause similar […]
Everyday my heart breaks more.
The pieces are soon to be shattered.
It’s painful yes.
Do I tell anyone, no.
I’m better off dead.
I’m not anything special.
Just a lost person.
That won’t be finding their way around life.
Pain is getting too much.
I don’t know how to release it anymore.
Don’t know how to cope.
I don’t feel anything but pain.
Pain and heartbreak.
So heartbroken.
That no one truly loves me.
Family hates me.
Hates my style.
Hates my music.
Hates it.
Friends.
Don’t know the true me.
If they did they’d hate me too.
All I ever asked for was […]
It’s Friday
Her alarm goes off at 6:00am…she hits the snooze button. “I do not want to get up today.” She pulls the cover over her face and falls back asleep until 7:00am.
She finally gets the energy to get up out of bed and drags herself into the shower, and begins to get ready for school. As she’s getting ready she occasionally looks out the window – the fog is rolling in and its windy. She sighs deeply inside…”I don’t want to go to school today”. Putting on her make up, she gives up halfway and gets dressed. With the little energy she has, she throws her […]
So I have a friend who is in all honors classes and she acts all preppy and nice and innocent but when she gets around me she acts her true self (cursing, talking shit, laughing, making jokes you know the normal stuff us teens do). So we were in school in the hallway and she cursed and one of her teachers walked by , so she ran around the corner hiding to make surehe didnt know it was her. As she was running she told me not to say her name outloud because she didnt want her teacher knowing it was her who cursed and […]
I can’t hold the things I feel inside any longer I ditched school so Ican be alone so no one can bother me but it just caused more trouble.. I feel like a burden to my sisters to my brothers to my parents I can’t stay happy Cus when I am the thoughts jut flow back in those negative dark thoughts ..
So I sit here in a class
no one notices what I do
no one
I sit alone with no one by me
like I like to sit but how I hate to sit.
That empty feeling of being alone will always linger.
No matter what.
Even if I sit with my friend or my girlfriend.
I will feel alone.
It won’t go.
It’s madness that I can’t escape it.
I want to escape it more than anything but I can’t.
I just can’t hurt my girlfriend who is depressed on her own.
Every time I try to go she can’t take it.
I can’t stand hurting her.
I just don’t understand.
She would be better without me right?
I know it.
She’s […]
I think I’ll try to give this life one more year…..I’ll be 60 next year on March 26th……that is, if God doesn’t take me on his own before then…………you see…..since Mom died about this time last year, I have no one who loves me and cares for me in the selfless way a mother or partner can…..and there is no one who wants or needs that from me. The lonely, solitary life that was chosen for me by illness is simply not any way for a “senior” citizen to live……I’m in that high risk category, by gender and age, for suicide. I cared for Mom as companion and helper/care giver […]
The sad times are when you look around you and everyone has a place.
Everyone, except you.
Even the people you consider friends would rather be alone than be with you.
The sad times are when you look around you and everyone is welcome.
Everyone, except you.
Even the people that invite you in their circle don’t want you to talk to them.
The worst times are when you look around you and you’re all alone.
No one, but you.
Even the people you once thought cared, didn’t give a shit about you.
You sit on the bathroom floor, tears pouring from your eyes.
Blades carve your […]
school starts tomorrow again.
nothing to look forward to there. friends who don’t care about me. teachers who dont try to help me but simply try find every way to get me kicked out. I’m fighting for my education. failing computer class. that’s only the beginning of it. my boyfriend left me. because he doesnt wanna deal with my bullshit anymore. can I blame him? I’m suicidal, I’ve got hundreds of cuts on my arms, legs, stomach. My family disowned me. I’m only 16. last week I went to jail for beating a girl up. a girl who deserved it but I hit her first. now […]
My father died when I was 9, cardiovascular issues. My stepfather went to prison for 15 years when I was 12. My mom has struggled ever since to make ends meat. I’ve never had a father figure growing up. My grandfather has had various heart open surgeries, he’s had cancer and now I’m Seeing signs of amnesia. He can pass away any time of any day. My mother has a couple issues, she just found out her cancer tests came out high. I don’t know what to do in life. I dated this one girl, Shannon. I thought she was the one for me. She […]
“Keep it in
Don’t let it out
You have to be strong
You can’t be weak
You have to move on
Don’t let them see
That you’re in pain
Don’t let them notice
That you’re slowly breaking
Don’t cry in public
But instead in your room
With the door closed
The music blasting
So they don’t hear the sobs
They can’t hear the screams
Though they never would
Even without the music
Because the screams you scream
Are silent like the night
You can’t let them know
You have to go on
Live on being strong
Don’t trip and fall down
Because there is no […]
I really love being ignored and forgotten… Said no one ever.
I wish all of us on here could just get together in one place and hug and cry and eat a lot of food. Especially since so many of us are so lonely and no one else understands what we’re going through.
The last memories
He made the excuses
It was his choice; he sent the second message only cause he was going through the same as I was in a way. I just thought he never listened what I had told him. The third message he was right to think of me as a bad guy and after the second message, he stopped caring. The forth message, I confessed, I told him the truth, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I told him a lie as well just because i was desperate for the truth from him. He never told me anything, I just wanted him to […]