I’m just gonna go curl up in a ball under a blanket in the corner of my bed. If anyone cares to join me, you better bring some chocolate milk and a fucking donut and be prepared to cuddle for a few hundred years because I’ve sprung another leak in my left eye. I’m sick of the appointments. I’m sick of the pain. I’m sick of going through this alone and I Want nothing more than to swallow a fucking bullet… Every conversation with my worthless father is like pouring salt on an open wound. I know I’m not good enough, but can’t we pretend […]
Tag:
not good enough
Dear God,
I know everyone has hard times in their life. I know people all go through different times, extents, and ways of bad. But I’m wondering why mine seems to be the worst case scenario on all accounts. I’m wondering why I can remember more bad times than good. I know there will be bad times. But there has to be good times too. I’m wondering why you took my mom away. Things seem just have gotten a different type of bad now that she’s gone. My step dad is now drinking himself to death and picking up all my moms old habits. Why […]
Everyday seems to blur by in a nonsensical motion that keeps me forever sick and tired. With each passing, I come to the realization that this life isn’t good enough. Living is just not good enough. It’s been that way for years now.
I can’t grasp as to why no one around me feels this way.
I see all these drunken smiles float by, while I still let myself believe my feet are firmly on the ground. I know they’re not. I feel myself falling more and more. I think of killing myself everyday now. My razor is always close by. I just want to […]
Sometimes I wonder why I even stick around anymore. I mean yeah.. there are people who “love” me but they never seem to truly get it. Fact is, im exhausted. Plain and simple as that. i feel unloved, unwanted, uncherished.. pretty much just forgotten by society. Everything that I am and everything that is perceived to be me are completely disingenuous. Its all an act, a part I have to play so that people around me dont lose their minds.
But what is that point? I wake up each day knowing exactly how eveything is gonna pan out. The monotny of life and suffering is all […]
I want so many things in life. I want to be the one that makes a difference. I want to be the person that will be there for you no matter what. I want to be someone useful. I want to be liked and accepted. I mean, who doesn’t? I want to fit in. I want to be happy.
I want a normal life with a normal family. I wish I had someone I could call mom. Have someone to call dad. I never had a dad growing up so it makes me want one even more. I see girls with their dads and those are […]
The first time i was raped i was seven. i didn’t grow up with a father figure around, and i guess wasn’t shown love so i honestly thought that this was how somepne showed you they love you. I’ve been raped three times sinse then. By ‘friends’ that i obviously trusted to much, by my uncke.. all my life I’ve been classified by numbers whether it be how much my hospital bill was, what grades I’m getting or how much i weigh. a few weeks ago i was shown that I’m worth $50 cause that’s how much someone paid to rape me. I’m so […]
Well, I’m not sure it’s even called suicidal, but it’s a case if depression either way. But it feels so much more than a depression. All I want right now is to end my life, kill myself, get an early grave. But here’s the fucked up part: I’m afraid of death. I can only imagine that it’s simular to being stabbed multiple times in the heart frequently throughout the day, every fucking day, without dying. I want to end the pain, but I don’t dare. I can’t, but some day I fear that it’ll drive me even more insane. So insane that I actually stab […]
Dear WORLD,
I hate my life. i want to die. i hate my family. i dont have friends. i wish to leave this world. i dont want to be here anymore. ive had enough time. give my years to someone who wants them. i dont want to hurt myself anymore unless it is soon followed by death. my heart is hollowed out from the world i was born into. take me away to somewhere far away where birds always sing and the […]
My name is Sandra, i’m 17 years old. I’m a daugther, a sister, a granddaugther, a niece, a cousin. I love animals, rain and reading. I don’t have any true friends. I’m introverted, i’m silent, i don’t like talking, i’m always sick, i feel very weak, i love being alone, i hate crying, i have lost a lot of people that are important to me, i have never fully enjoyed life, i’m not a loving person and i don’t even understand what love is, i’m insecure, i’m a really anxious person, i’m quite self destructive, i always try to give people hope, though i […]
I love my family although sometimes I get sad and believe life for them would be better off without me.
There has been more than one occasion of me trying to end my life. When I was 10 I almost ended my life due to my parents’ fucked up expectations. Mostly I didn’t do to me being too much of a scared baby. Almost 3-4 times per week sometimes I think about either running away or commiting suicide. My grades are fucked up. Every week I get yelled at by my parents basically saying I’m not good enough for anything. I have no friends in a […]
I ain’t shit, I am pretty sure that everyone around me knows that. I flunked out of college when I was only a semester away from finishing. I recently found out I got fired from my job but yet don’t know why.. I worked so hard, I was working almost three weeks with no days off. I received no recognition, no appreciation, no love, they were all shitting on me. I am sort of happy I am no longer working for a bunch off people who shitted on me constantly and never gave a damn about my feelings but i dunno how i’m going to […]
at my school people go around and tell each other go kill yourself, go cut yourself, your not good enough, they call them names depending on the race they are, all of this as a joke. a fucking joke! i mean seriously how will they feel if suddenly one day someone took that seriusly and killed them self or how would they feel if one day i walked around the school in shorts and had my legs covered in cuts? huh? honestly i feel like i need to make this example and if it were me i would do the suicide. now i may not […]
alone and seen by nobody
she walks silently on the road
with only pain to keep her company.
she gives,
and they take,
as always.
noise comes to assault her
and she trembles,
but she is only here
to be brutalized
no one cares
for her brain.
she grows up to plod along
the sides of roads
every cruel mistake
torturing her mind.
everything set up
to make her blame
and hate
only herself,
the child is not allowed
to be angry
at the man.
she looks for love desperately
but in this world
finds nothing
but more pain.
judgment, rejection
no one can see the pain
behind the rage.
no one.
they leave her
and tell her it is because
she is not good enough
for them.
guilt a-plenty consumes her
but no one sees her
no one at all
and soon […]
I have no reason to lie. I’m not a liar…never been good at it. I’m a good man. Everyone I’ve met I’ve helped and loved but I’ve been treated really really badly all my life. I’m 53 and from the moment I was born and my physically and psychologically violent father trashed me, to sexual abuse from another family member, to cancer at 17yrs old, to 3 near death experiences, to disability, to 8 abusive relationships (that totally broke me), to 3 suicide attempts, self harm and the list is actually over 50 separate life changing events I can no longer live. I’m broken now…I […]
im debating whether or not to kill myself simply because i dont think anyone is there for me like im there for them and i just feel so alone. i dont know if im becoming depressed or not but everyone in my life is constantly making me feel like a sad story and that im not good enough and that i dont belong there . But judt to let you know i probably wouldnt kill myself beacause i dont have the guts to do it. id probably just try to pull the trigger and break down crying.
Do you ever just stop and think that maybe you are being too selfish? Then you turn around and realize that you know nothing about yourself because you let your acts towards others define who you think you are? I was asked today, by a wonderful friend of mine, what I wanted to do with my life. Where I wanted to go to college, and what career path that I wanted to take. I answered the college because that has been a map of mine that I have followed for a couple of years, but I cannot for the life of me, think about what […]
I have many secrets that I keep from everyone in my life. There is no one person who knows everything about me. Not even my family knows who I really am.
I don’t really like to have conversations with people, regardless of how close they supposedly are to me. I find it hard to have small talk, I usually don’t find anything interesting to talk about to them. I usually end up talking about myself, which I know comes off as being arrogant. When I do talk about myself, I end up talking about a version of myself that isn’t really true. I exaggerate and underplay […]
There are times when I feel like I want to destroy the whole world – to obliterate everyone who’s life isn’t as wretched as mine – to bring it all to an end. If I can’t be happy, why should anyone else?
In my less childish moments, I suppose I believe that it’s good that human life exists. That there are many people who enjoy friendship, fall in love, pursue things that seem meaningful to them. Even if that necessitates there being people like me, who can’t experience those things, and feel their absence. Even if there are people who experience unendurable agony for long periods […]
My whole life I’ve felt that I will never live to anyone’s expectations and I haven’t. My sister is really smart and has this good life with her boyfriend, my dad wants me to follow her. I tried but I can’t, I can’t just go through school like it’s nothing I actually have to work unlike her, and I will never marry a guy because I’m gay and I kinda have a fear of men. So no matter what I know I will never be good enough, I wish I wasn’t a coward and hurry up and pull the trigger
Today I bought razor blades and then went home and listened to King Gordy time to die. It brought me comfort reminding me of when I would take a knife to my basement and listen to the same song. I feared I had changed a lot since I began consuming and shipping drugs but this helps remind me of my old innocent self. But even then I was suicidal, I recently read from an old journal I had about how much I hated my father getting drunk and my mother yelling, which is funny because I don’t recall my father getting drunk upsetting me that […]