I don’t know anything about you but I do think it will be a shame if you leave this world. Intelligent people gaze at the moon getting lost in the night. On the other hand, foolish people stare at the sun blinding themselves in the light. The sun starers think they are powerful but their blindness deludes them. As the saying goes, “knowledge is power.” One group can only see nothing but the other group can see everything. Do you know which group you are, Trix? From what I gathered, it’s the group that can see everything, However, you wish you were a part of […]
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I thought you might like to see my old point shoes, (dead) I never used these as I switched over to Bloch and I find Bloch is a much more superior pointe shoe than these. But as you can see, the ribbons are gone off these along with the elastics. I didn’t put on toe pads so it’s just bone one packed leather here. LOL I do not suggest that by the way. These how ever have a traditional rounded box and high vamp, my newer ones have a broad box mid vamps with a soft shank. The ones in the picture have a hard […]
Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:
Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.
And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up […]
Dolores tucks her children into bed. Conroy stretches himself across their feet. His tail lightly thumping the bed spread. She sits at the edge of her own bed, examining the card. The money. She finds herself still bewildered, yet oddly comfortable. The first time in years she’s felt safe. The first time she’s been sure her children were safe. She smiles a new smile, a smile of hope and excitement for what comes next.
The same cannot be said for Dale. He stands sweating in his sweltering living room. Flynt, now approaching him, commands “have a seat Dale.”
Dale stumbles backwards into to sofa. “H-huh how do […]
We are not the only ones who feel how we feel. Hes someone i watched growing up and he died how i wanted to die 3 hours away from where i now live its crazy to think.
May you find the peace in death you couldnt find in life. If heaven exists im sure there is a halfpipe.
The past couple of days have been really good for me.
I’ve been hanging out with some childhood friends again and surrounding myself with great people.
I’ve been trying not to put myself down as much, and if i catch myself doing so then i try to focus on something else like music.
I’ve been training for my new job. I’m excited. It’s going to be better than what i thought.
I’m just trying to look on the bright side of life. I spend too much time being pessimistic. And life is wasted if the only thing you do is feeling pessimistic.
I know i’ll have bad days […]
Yes, it’s true.
I’m Jealous. Very jealous.
I’ve never been more jealous in my life.
And it hurts. And it’s dark.
It’s darker than black hole. Darker than satan’s soul.
I am jealous of the ones who get to die.
The ones who get to leave this place. This awful pace.
The ones who get to sleep soundly forever, unbothered by this evil called life.
I want to die. But I can’t die.
I wish I had no one to disappoint.
No one to hurt.
But there’s too many.
I want to end my pain not pass it on.
So I sit here waiting.
Hoping to […]
I am sorry if you truly know me and you are reading this. If you know me, you might have known this would happen but within the next few days, I am planing to kill myself. Why? I can’t deal with whats going on in my head.
I wounder everyday, for what reason have I been put on this planet, why was I born – what difference am I making to this shitty world? The struggle for everyday survival, the 9-5 deadbeat job and the same constant fucking routine; that we call everyday life.
I can’t move on, there’s nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing to smile, care, love and be happy about; Just pain, misery loneliness. I walk down the street, see happy people all around me, couples holding hand – kissing, children playing etc. The people who helped destroy my relationship, the ones who I once […]
Please don’t think of yourself like someone who’s in a worse mental state than everyone else. Don’t just say you don’t understand what i’m going through. We are all the same, we are all on a endless sinking ship called life. And for the ones who really don’t know what your going thro but say so, just appreciate that their trying to understand you. I might leave the ship tonight, so i just want to leave something that might help the others who are still on it. Just a small tip, that might help someone to get to the shore and survive it all. And […]
Since we’re all depressed and probably don’t have better things to do … Here’s some great movies to watch on Netflix . I love quirky independent movies more than the big ones that come out in theaters.
1. Before I disappear – about a guy who’s about to kill him self , but gets a call to take care of his neice instead .
2. October baby- about a girl who figures out her whole life is a lie . She looks at the bright side
3. About Alex- about a guy who’s friends never check up on him , tries to kill him self , fails and […]
This is pretty different from my other posts (as I usually post poetry), but I was feeling it so I figured I might as well.
One of the things that can be found in my top-hat of issues is body dysmorphic disorder. Basically, this means that most of the time, I have a warped perception of myself.
I lost weight rather quickly in my senior year of high-school (250 lbs to 180 lbs), through exercise and healthy eating, and for some reason I thought that the weight-loss would solve all of my problems. It didn’t, and created new ones. My jeans said size 8, and my shirts […]
Before I start this, I know it will be all over the place so it will most likely make no sense. But I want to keep a document of what happens with the new voices and Angels.
The new voices are getting worse. They’re louder, and Jeremy isn’t back. Now there’s only four of them at any given time. There’s one set of four that are awful. I hate them. One is a constant intake of breath that is considerably louder than the others. Another comments on what I’m doing, but in a way which is mockingly. The last two are too quiet to be comprehendible, […]
So I got the job, I graduated, I did it. Throughout all the torture of having those really bad lows. And it just doesn’t get better, even if you get a good salary, even if you work in your field, able to pay back on loans and debts and are financially solvent, it just doesn’t get better. I lost my phone, I am still with the person that irritates my very being. My apartment looks like a hoarder’s, I have packed boxes from 6 months ago sprawled around. I’m starting a new job. I’m not even sure if it’s the right decision or if I […]
I was thinking about hobbies and stuff recently. My therapist told me they’re pretty important in regards to recovery. So I was wondering, what are y’all’s hobbies? Any weird ones, or any newfound ones?
All the memories just replay in my head over and over. The good ones make me think how can this possibly be happening when things were so good? And the bad ones make me wonder what I did wrong and think of a million other ways I could have done things differently. Just over and over and over.
The only time I get away is if my sleeping pills work or I’m asleep. I feel like if I had the access and knowledge I would become an addict to something because I can’t imagine living a life being haunted by memories. How am I supposed to […]
So many lose ends to tie. Is it stalling? Is it because I care about the ones left behind? Does it matter once you’re gone? Its so hard to do anything. To even leave the house. I think I do care, if I didnt, I’d just keep going. Waiting on a paycheck to buy my materials. Gotta write the letters, leave a clean house, and find the thing I need to do the job. It sucks. I think only here can someone understand what its like to want something so badly, and not want it at all either.
I hate it when people generalize suicidal patients and suicide victims as selfish. I hear my friends, family, and doctor say this about suicidal people all the time. Its even prevalent online. They always say that we are only thinking of ourselves, not those who love us. For me, those who want to keep us alive and call us selfish are in fact the very people that are selfish. They’re the ones who want us to live, to be with them, despite the sufferings and emotional torture we endure. They can’t grasp the possibility of us ending our lives by our own hands and accept us […]
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