They tell me to ‘stay strong’ and they tell me that things get better but do they really? I’ve been told this saying for 4 years now and nothing has gotten any better for me. In those 4 years my dad left over summer and while he was gone he cheated on my mom. He’s back now. Shorty after my mom got rid of my two dogs that I loved so much because she said that I “didn’t care about them” well I did. I cried for days thinking about them. Then about a year after that bullying got bad for me, it was the worst year of my […]
Tag:
painful
Well this its my story on how my life is only getting worse And more painful. My name is Matthew and I live in Nelson new Zealand I am 14 years old and am year 10 at Nayland college.
It started around term 3 last year and till this day my life has been torture. In class of I bend over to Tie up my sore laces I get shoved over. If I’m doing sport they spare tackle me from behind. If I sit out to try Getty a break but they say get up and.play you fat Cont. Btw I weigh 78 kg. Every […]
I was born in broken home. My father was an alcoholic. He is clearly a psychopath without having any sense of empathy. While being alcoholic he tried to kill my mother. She born me sometime around that. She compensated her broken marriage with me, she got me emotionally overattached. She made me sexually uncomfortable by talking about sex. She severely abused me.  Once a week she was crying, screaming, shouting at everyone. She was coming to me and saying things I couldn’t even remember. She made me cry and she didn’t stop there, she just kept going and going. She was screaming she was going to […]
I want to get out of all this pain… But for some reason i still hang on some hope and have been here longer than i thought. I will go soon… Could b tomorrow, next week, a month… Idk. Why do i still hold hope even though i know things (health) wont get better and i cant live my life like this. I had a great ride, and whats so wrong about ending it and not living through a painful life? Â Any thoughts ? Btw i think its everyones own right to do what they want with their livez, live or die.
I was told my self deliverance would be a most selfish act. Â I was told I should think of my family and the loss they would feel.
I am,therefore , sorry that I must deprive my family of whatever delight they might have felt by watching me die a slow painful death. Do they really hate me so much that I must suffer daily to provide them with a pleasure so great that it exceeds the agony I must endure.
Why is their enjoyment in my suffering of more value than the one right I have left (the right to end my pain).
So I ask “Am i […]
Picked up my uke and played it just now for the first time in a very, very long time (probably because I want to smash it to pieces when I see it because it is a painful reminder to me) Anyway, it was horribly out of tune. I tuned it as best as I could (too impatient to put more effort into tuning).
Here’s me – playing and singing awfully out of tune w an out of tune uke. Â I don’t care much these days.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/New-Recording-11-2.m4a
I marvel at those who wake up and say amazing positive stuff on Facebook. It’s usually a lot of gratefulness “for caring about and accepting who I am today,” or it’s all “humans try…only God perfects,” or getting “my Sunday nap on before my workout,” or something. There’s always a coping strategy–a self-care tool.
Music was that for me. As a teen, especially. But as I got older, music became a chore and a job, so I couldn’t really feel good after doing it. Anything I try to do to rejuvenate myself just feels like a temporary escape, and it makes it all the more […]
I made you a promise.. I promised to tell somebody, to show them the cuts and scars. You promised that things would get a lot better if I did. In all honesty, I’m scared to. Why should I tell someone something that they’ll never understand? They won’t know what to do or how to react.. The idea of getting better really scares me. I haven’t felt “better” in so long that even if I do get better, I might not even realize I am.
I want to go where you went. I want to experience what you experienced. I need to go far away, I need […]
That’s pretty much the story of my  life.
i always wonder, why am i so sad?… everything is (or at least seems) fine.
my body works how it’s supposed to, i’ve got a decent house, a family who i think loves me, things have been going rather okay lately, and i have never been through really painful situations….
but no matter what i feel like like there’s something missing…like i’m the odd one everywhere i go.
i hate myself. i hate the way i look, the way i speak, think, live, act….
the truth is i don’t want to die…. but i don’t wanna live either – i just want […]
Everyone seems to lie, because the truth’s too painful. My mother and father l, by trying to work out a marriage that was doomed from the beginning. My sister pretends she isn’t hungry. My mother lies about the man she loves, the man that’s not my father. So where do I stand? Do I lie and pretend I’m happy? Do I admit that I’m not happy and I need professional help, although I’m pretty sure I’m beyond that? Do I keep on saying I’m just tired, that I’m stressed? I’ve been doing this for too long, we all have. Do I lie again, to myself, […]
…a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
I can’t separate the things i want, from the things i can’t stand, or handle, or accomplish.
Everything i do want, is attached to enough of something i don’t, to invalidate pursuit.
I can’t find anything that is both available to me, and also worth my efforts to gain it, which are inevitably and irrevocably connected to conditions and/or consequences i can’t, or won’t, endure.
I can’t find, even with all i know and the capacity of my mind to “imagine,” anything… that fills me with both belief and motivation to achieve, accomplish, or attain it… but that is also available, and […]
For anyone who has attempted with overdose, I was thinking about OD’ing on my antidepressants. How does it feel, is it very painful?
All life is just a progression toward and then a recession from one phrase– ‘I love you’
by alina_01
written by alina_01
Its what we all seek ultimately whether we want it or not, is it not true? We search this world for someone who understands us who can accept us and love us, thats the dream. To mean something to someone, at least based on my perspective how can I mean anything to myself if I mean nothing to no one? When I was younger I always wanted love I mean I never truly had it I was drunk on the idea of love and in my mind love was the only thing that could heal my brokenness. I found love, it was amazing truly and […]
I thought I once knew who or what you are. I am not stupid; I can see the wondrous universe and all of its beautiful order and structure and I know this did not happen by chance. But all I know of you now is the pain you think I and others need. I awaken every day with my addictions to something better and my burning desire to leave my broken body and relieve the searing burn of my broken spirit. I am through begging a higher power for delivery. I am done feeling the compulsion to dig an artery out of one of my […]
last night at 4 am i wake up -without any feeling of the usual painful anxious or guilt in my heart ..i had just the usual insane thoughts on my head but without any related feelings nothing special has happened yesterday ,my big problem still there ,and i was not drunk … maybe cause i almost have the exit way in my hand.. anyway it is nice losing the connection between my thoughts andy feelings
I cant stand the depressions i keep getting.im on all these fancy medications and ive had 6 major depressions in the last year.sometimes i loose hope and just want to hide but i cant and its painful just to breath.does anyone else feel this way?
Hello everyone =D
Aw…I went to psychiatrist this morning…as I expected he offered medicines for a treatment (therapy sucks)…I didn’t accepted, I just told him I’ve been planning suicide for months, he was very understanding, I didn’t think he believed me though.
Well, I’m going to do tomorrow, problably (it isn’t up to me, I need my family to go out for some hours).
I planned to inhale cook gas, which is very toxic because it’s not natural gas.It’s painless…
I talked to my mom, tried to give her some confort, get the things less painful to her, I know she will get hurt anyway…obviously […]
Phew!…
I had a talk with my mom the last night…It’s just great the way I take the conversation to the point I want it to be…I told her that dead people are better left forgotten, she agreed, she remembered her father…they weren’t very close and he died, those memories hurt her…
I’ve been doing my best to make my suicide the less painful to her…
I gotta do this now, I planned for months, I better get calm and don’t take any longer…
I dunno how the things got to this point…
Hush!
No more talking, let’s get this shit done.
I’ve been cutting myself more and more recently and i am becoming addicted to it. At work today all i could think about was getting home for lunch and cutting myself! So thats what i did, on my ankle, Â and it felt so much better! But it hurts like fuck now and every time i walk the wound opens up and starts to bleed again. The worst thing is i like to see the cut, i like to look at it as if it is an achievement or something! I really think i’m becoming addicted! I was convinced to through away my razors so i […]
Hoping for the best
Ready for the worst.
Death is easy
Life is hard.
Knowing’s painful
Ignorance is bliss.
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