1. What’s your age? I am 19
2. Are you religious at all? I used to be more than I am now. Illnesses will wake you up to reality and you start believing what’s really true. What’s your stance? Atheist.
3. What’s your first memory as a child, the earliest you can remember? My step dad yelling at my mother and being scared in my room, crying my eyes out. I was 3 years old.
4. What’s the best memory you have in your whole life up until now? Being with my great grandpa in an old WWII museum as he told me stories of […]
Tag:
painful
I find myself feeling numb. Sometimes a spark of happinesss comes in, or a glimmer of hope, or moments of excrutiatingly painful, lonely, sadness. I feel as if I don’t want to end my life, but I’d like too end the pain, sorrow, and for once, I’d like too feel again. In a good way.
Failed suited attempts are a pain in the butt. They lock you up in a hospital, everyone freaks out. You feel this huge amount of guilt, and rarely no relief that you’re alive, only more depression becuase you didn’t succeed. Family always makes you feel guilty, how could you do this? Why didn’t you tell me. Like duh , if I told you, you would’ve stopped me, and I wanted to die. Then comes the painful process of “getting better” “learning to be happy”. You’re supposed to make all these steps so you don’t do it again and promise you’ll get help. But when you […]
PROS – 1. No more mental illness, 2. No more constant worrying, 3. No painful natural death in the future, 5. No more addictions, 6, no more rejection because I can’t function as a normal adult, 7. No more of this world weighing me down with consequences and obligations, 8, I’ll have a choice!, 9. I’ll never suffer again, 10. I will have no wants, impossible or unhealthy ones.
CONS –
Hey everyone, I don’t wanna waste your time with this one so I’ll be quick. I want to die, and personally feel that all those people trying to prevent suicide are inhumane. They say it’s never the answer, that your family will miss you, there’s so much to live for. Well, I won’t miss my family, they are the ones who’ve made my life a living hell with overbearing expectations, as well as giving birth to a child who never asked to be born with the body, and mind they have. I probably sound ungrateful.. and I don’t disagree with that, but the bad things […]
Life… a slow and painful death.
so long story short,
im too lazy to live…sounds awful, selfish, stupid, but well its true, i finished school, worked in many shitty places which gave me even more depression, or opend my eyes actually. There is no big plan, there is no big scenario for each of us, there is no big meaning of life its all bullshit, we all know that, we all depressed because we think there is, that “c`mon, its cant be all, it has to be some purpose” well…there is not, there is happiness in life, sure thing, but those sometimes 2 min of happiness is worth living and suffer all […]
When I was last on this site, I was on the brink of committing suicide, as I had been for, in retrospect, about five years. It was an awful period of my life, and I would never like to revisit it. However, I feel that it is necessary for me to come over here because of how this site effected my life.
After I had a particularly painful episode, during which I threatened to drink bleach and simultaneously overdose on various painkillers, I conceded defeat and got put on an antidepressant. For many people, these medications are rarely effective the first time you take them. […]
Nothing to look forward to.
Nothing to keep me strong.
~
She died alone, her last few days on earth
caged. Knowing this, my heart breaks.
~
The stars were never meant for me to see.
Just a shit hole, that is what will always be.
~
Many, many times I passed up security for true love, because I wanted love that was passionate and consuming. It has been almost two years, and only within this past month, I begun to heal in some way from him.
~
She died lost and scared, thrown away. Her body tossed into the incinerator.
Knowing this, my heart cannot bear.
I […]
Where do I go from here? How do I even start to write this? It will be long and painful but I hope to give some light to my life….to help you understand where I have been and the footsteps that have brought me here.
I’ve been abused all my life. At the age of 1 my mother pour Mr. Clean down both my ears and caused my eardrums to rupture, causing me to lose my hearing. When I was 8 I received an at the time experimental surgery to give me back what they hoped would be some hearing. It worked and for the first […]
I’m an invalid, sick in bed every day with terrible pain. After surgeries and painful experiments, all the doctors can suggest is to take me off my painkillers and just see what happens, if anything. Which will help how, now? I can’t keep house, I can’t go out, I can’t make love. I can just lie here and weep. This illness has taken away my career, my house, most all of my friends, and my ability to enjoy most anything.
My mother has cancer and her chances aren’t good. I’m too ill to care for her, and even too ill to drive down to visit her. […]
My life is complete shit. People love to say they give a fuck but as long as I can remember I’ve had a bad life. I’ve been abused molested bullied then I was finally a cool kid in hs but nobody knew I always was super depressed at home and I would do drugs and drink to cope but my mom never cared what I did. Then I dropped out of school….my mom never protected me from being molested she always turned the other cheek just like my sister even tho it’s her husband who did it. Then my mom said she didn’t want me […]
Hi…
There are endless problems in my life and my life really seems like hell. I am tired of my life.
The problems are physically, mentally and socially troubling me continuously, all the time. Earlier I was a simple person living an ordinary life. I was physically somewhat less healthy. But rest things were going normal. But then chronically painful things happened later. Once during my holidays, I joined a swimming pool. It was only after a few days that I felt something wrong in my ears, as if they were blocked, perhaps water got trapped into them. There was a serious ear infection which painfully lasted […]
My relationship is being bludgeoned over and over by my inaction in slow motion.
written by Trapped in My Head
It feels like ages ago that I met my boyfriend, only it’s only been a matter of weeks. That time, I was still paying for my own rent with my part time job, and going for a language class.
I was contented with my life that time, because I lived in the same city as my younger sister, who was attending university there. I was new to the city myself, so I had no friends except those I saw in class. It was hard to talk to them more than just “schoolmates” so it was bland for my tastes. I decided to get some folks to […]
I find myself not being able to catch my breath. Like a stranger just comes out with a punch to the gut. I am just moving along in this life trying to cope and maybe fool myself into thinking that I am putting one over on the rest of them. The them that seem to have it all together. The them that are capable of connection.
Then there is something, maybe something I see, I smell, I read, I dream or watch in a movie that just knocks the wind out of me. Maybe these little events show me a glimse of what could be if […]
and it’s so painful to see you in such despair.
That this must be our cross to bear, what brings us together as perfect strangers. The black dog on our shoulder. Wish it could be anything else for all of us.
I spent all night last night reading through posts and comments. When I came in I was crying for myself, hoping not to feel the end of my rope once more. I went to bed crying for others, hoping they can somehow find their way back up their rope, and if not, that they can find in death the peace they so crave and deserve. I […]
I just want to die today I’ve been hit with the most painful
Feelings, I can’t keep this up, I can’t keep feeling life is not going to get better. I would prefer to be dead. I can’t eat barely sleep, I’m so distressed I did yoga before and all I could think about was please let me end this. I’ve got no stability , no security, an addiction, one that won’t leave its grasps. I know the reason why I want to die is because of the addiction. But I have tried hundred of times to give up, I’ve been to countless rehabs , […]
Does anyone know about the Siege of Masada? Or why history repeats it’s self, only the venom becomes stronger (technology) war and fighting comes to mind right off, add in severe hunger and a true psychopath can come out. Karma, Dogma, Poor Programing Intelligent Universe? Why did/do I need to live in or around and be a predator at the expense of others? Who and what needs this information and behavior? How far back does one have to stand to make any sense of “sweat of the brow” slavery and decay pain including painful repairs. Pain, what an invention, invisible and truly disquieting or worse, […]
Today is my 21st birthday … For some this day is a celebration , a time to enjoy with friends and cherrish it ppl that you consider precious and they consider you in the same magnitude…… But for me this day is one were i reflect on the things i am not doing in my life and i should been doing. I reflect on the causes of my loneliness, the will to go forward that seems to be slipping away and unhappiness/depression that i keep in secret , mostly because i have no one to talk to … I see no […]