7 years ago
I still haven’t lived it through
So
I remember crying
I remember pleading
My mom divorced before
But I guess my father didn’t care
As when I was supposed to go
My sister went alone
It was a week
When we didn’t see
My sister was scared
The judge told him to bring her back
I blamed myself until now
My father shouldn’t have
Why did he kidnap my sister?
I couldn’t say at all.
Safe to say
I have grudge for him
He will fall.
I have controlling parents. Indirectly controlling, but controlling nonetheless. I’ve challenged the nature of their control, but when logic and reasoning fails to win my side of the argument, it is because they’ve hit me with the “because I am your mother”. “Because I am your father”.
Does the role or position of “parent” give them immunity?
Why do I still willingly give them this control? Is it because I am hopeful the control will be lessened as time follows? Or am I just am idiot?
[First Post]
Statements or responses that I carried with me from a child into adulthood:
– Why can’t you just …
– Shh! // Shut up
– Don’t be so sensitive // You’re too sensitive
– You ought to …
– Whatever
– I’m disappointed in you …
– I thought you were smarter than that
– I’ll beat you to death!
– You will struggle when you’re older
– Stop behaving like that
– You don’t know what it’s like to struggle
– You’re a kid- you don’t understand anything
Add to the list with a comment.
Signed,
deathbycoffee
Small before hand, the boyfriend I have now isn’t the same one as described in previous posts. Since the first sexual assault post I’ve had two boyfriends, both have assaulted me. This one is new and I’ve been with him for 2 years, he has never hurt me, even when (in fits of trauma) I said he could.
I found out yesterday that my own flesh and blood grandmother would not be sad, would not care, if I killed myself. She took my boyfriend aside a few days after a large fight we (me + my bf vs grandmother) had over a bag of […]
It was a fine morning, I woke up with a good mood and me and my mother were joking together like any other. After I ate my breakfast, I wanted to stretch my body but my mother misunderstood and thought I won’t wash the dishes. I said, “I want to stretch my arms.” Then my aunt comments, “That’s her excuse.” My mother immediately replied, “Don’t involve yourself.” And then I couldn’t control my tears for the first time after finally getting control of my depression and anxiety. I rushed to the sink and washed the dishes, crying. My mother approached me and she said, “Thank […]
I’ve got a younger brother, who in my house is a fucking angel child. Every fucking day I’m compared to him. Like “Oh (deadname) Why can’t you be more like your little brother! Hes younger than you! He does his chores, he cleans his room, makes his bed. Why can’t you be like him?”
I don’t fucking know! Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fucking be here. I have fucking school! “Why can’t you keep up on your chores?”, Maybe it because I don’t have the fucking energy to do anything once I’m home! I go to school, deal with freshman all fucking day, […]
when i used to self harm i used to hit my head a lot, i didnt think of it that much back then but now i see the result. probably any type of self harm is better than hitting ur head, i suffer from memory loss, but no one would probably believe me, i dont even remember basic stuff such as what happened the day before, what somebody told me or things that i did, i may sound dramatic but its worse than it sounds. i dont remember how i started it but i did it everytime my mom was bitching about smth that ive […]
By: yours truly (a sick in the head teenager)
TW ig idk how to do this lol um sh suicidal thought and questioning everything and also SA
Why? A question I find myself asking quite often. What is the point in anything if its all nothing. In 150 years, everyone who is alive at this moment, will be dead. Including yours truly. Though it is up to us how we spend those years. A sad realization my 13 year old self has come to is, in lets say 500 years, no one will know of my existence and probably yours as well. Unless of course you […]
lately, a few memories have been flooding my mind, not sure why. it’s been a rough few months, honestly. and flashbacks haven’t made them any easier.
classes and homework are taking up a lot of my time, but still, feels like i’m spreading myself thin. friend of mine started to talk more regularly with me this year and they think it’s great and all but half the time i don’t know what to say. every time we talk, i feel so drained; i just physically can’t keep talking for the whole day.
kinda hard to explain, but it just constantly feels like i’m being talked down to, […]
Metamorphosis
As the wind turns and picks up a leaf to take it on its own journey, the same are our lives and mine. It al begun when i was child: My dad and my mom broke up before my birth. His present for my mom as I was born: a cactus. I love him, very dearly. My stepdad took his place. well not really place, he merely existed in my life as a puzzle piece that doesn’t really fit in, but was good enough to give the false image of an complete picture. He argued a lot with my mother, more than once it woke […]
What do I do when my mother tells me to go live with my father, but my father has been absent for 5 years? What am I supposed to do when non of my parents want to be fucking responsible for the human being they brought to this fucking world? Where do I go?
Hello, I see that this is a site where people share how sad they are and there are some helpful people out there. I hope I can get some nice feedback from others. I want to start off by saying that I am 21 years old. My grandma had passed away and it took a big toll on me. My family too of course, but for me I wanted to die. Ive attempted to kill myself and this sweet genuine old lady passed away and in my eyes it wasn’t her time to go. It honestly should’ve been me. Recently I’ve been kicked out of […]
One thousand, one hundred and fifteen days have gone by since we discovered you were no longer a part of this universe, our universe. It has gotten easier to process but it’s still not easy. The shock of it never ceases. It is still surreal. How can I summarize in words the cluster of pain we feel everyday given your absence? Let’s see. The reality that you are missing and missed our daughter and son’s 16th birthdays, his phenomenal culinary […]
I wrote a letter yesterday to my grandma telling her to not blame herself for my decision. No one was to blame for what I have done. I lost my papa in 2017 and I have not coped well since then. I died with him and I have finally understood what that meant. My boyfriend has tried to help me but I don’t share my feelings. So my decision comes from only me. I am alone and have always been alone. No matter how many people I surround myself with, I have always felt alone.
It makes things like this easier because I don’t have anyone […]
What really is the meaning of life? I cost my parents a bunch of money and feel like a burden on them. I have 2 friends that actually seem to care about me. My work is dropping me. If I end it, i will no longer have to feel this way. People will be sad, but I won’t have to think about it when I’m dead. Therapy doesn’t seem to do anything for me.
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]
Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.
I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & […]
Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
Human’s imagination is better than reality !
Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi […]