I worked myself stupid last year for an organization that was going under. I literally spent 56 hours working with no breaks and no sleep. You would think that the women who profited from my work, would spare an hour to come to my birthday celebration? Fuck. They don’t even have to come for an hour. Just show up and say hi. That’s all. I really wish I could articulate how hurt I am that I will be spending my 21st birthday…alone. What is the point of working hard on relationships if there is no gain to them? Why kill myself worrying over if i’m […]
I like a lot of things about this site but the one thing I like is that there is a lot of compassion and understanding but also honesty. I think that if you post your thoughts, expect to get real thoughts in return. If you can’t accept honest feedback… and maybe I’m just totally losing it now since I will die next week but I find it funny that someone deletes another person’s comment to their post but then comments on the deleted comment.
On September 10th after what had possibly been the worst 2 months of my life, heartbroken for the 100th time in a row, alone, hopeless, I decided to give myself only one more month to live. I decided to be romantic about the date since is the first anniversary of the death of my second child.
I have to admit, a month sounded like no time at all but it has turned out to be quite long. Whit no affairs to sort, no family or friends to write to, no debts to clear (and no money to pay them if I had them) no job to […]
So, I’m 15 years old and I want to die. I only have one person in my life that genuinely cares about me. He’s the love of my life. My mom and dad are both in jail for possession of drugs. I have only seen my parents once. They were doing cocaine around me when I was only a few weeks old and then they were caught with it. I now live with my grandparents. They treat me decently but I’m probably not going to have them in my life much longer. They’re both in their 80’s. They don’t have the best health condition. After […]
My last person for support has officially lost patience with me. I’m completely and utterly alone.
It is always the same thing. Funnily, I should say, it is always the same thing. They pretend to care. They pretend to share my sorrow. They pretend to wish me the best.
But they just don’t care. They have their little own things to worry about and I’m not a part of these little things. I’m just contingent. And why (WHY?) would they care for someone who isn’t necessary? I’ve heard it a couple of times. I’m just the depressed and anxious girl they know and I need to stop worrying and to have bright ideas. Yeah please do tell a diabetic person to stop […]
Aside from TV shows/movies and videogames there isn’t much that keeps me going. I messed up my education by being lazy (BSO, in belgium that’s the lazy person’s course where they don’t actually teach you shit) so I have barely any motivation for college that I’m starting next week but hey, gotta keep the parents happy. Ideal situation would be some sort of disease that doesn’t hinder me too much but kills me after 3 years, so I atleast know how game of thrones ends (can’t be assed to wait for the books, knowing grrm we’ll have the last book when I’m 40). Too much […]
So we’ve been assigned our first real assignment in English, and it’s to write a descriptive-narrative essay about a personal feeling or perspective that we have had that has changed through time. The only thing that I can think of is how I used to be a happy person, then I became a depressed and potentially suicidal cynic.
Personal essays have always been the hardest for me, because I honestly hate describing who I am. I also worry about whether or not my essay should meet the desires of my teacher. He likes witty, humorous writings. If he reads mine, I feel like he’ll contact […]
Okay, well where should I begin? First, you should know that I’m not a very open person. At all. Second, I’ve been “depressed” for about a year now. Or maybe longer, I don’t really know. Not many people know about my depression. And yes I’ve self harmed many times.
This is currently my second day of missing school and I’m so far behind already that it’s frightening. I lack the motivation to do anything anymore. I’ve basically ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. And I’m currently destroying all my friendships because I don’t have the energy to keep up with everyone. Have I tried discussing this […]
“my thoughts have destroyed me more than any person ever could”
When you constantly hear how horrible of a person you are, especially from your own sibling and parent, you start to second guess yourself and even start to believe it.
I’m done. I’ve really tried hard over the past three years to save myself but I just can’t do it. My psychiatrist abandoned me (yes, she did). Long story. I just can’t take it anymore. She was the last person in my life who believed in me. Clearly, she doesn’t believe in me anymore. I’m done with this life. I don’t have the strength to fight this anymore. I have a busy week so I need all my energy to go into my death… preparing instructions for my mom to care for my cats, writing goodbye and f*** you letters to people, cleaning my house so […]
So, nothing has really changed since my original post of the same name. I have been taking college, mainly for personal than for getting a career since I am pretty much unemployable. As of recent I told my mom when I got out of the military that I was going to eat myself to death, and 8 years later, a month ago my doctor told me that what I am eating is killing me. So perhaps a self fulfilling prophecy? So about the bullying well, for example college won’t do me any good, because society likes to kick people when they are down, if you […]
Although I didn’t know her, she is the second person in the media to commit suicide recently. She was a singer and Robin Williams also passed away recently.
Most of us try to commit suicide, think about it or know someone who does but it always sad to see someone go…
Some of this could be prevented if only someone would care enough and help one another along the way….
At least for me, I know if someone have me a hug every now and then, […]
…after a week of not seeing her turns into both of us crying in a bar while she tells me that she can’t promise me to be that person who builds a life with me, and that i deserve to be in a relationship where i’m a priority but that she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I come home and get on some dating pas to cruise since we’re poly anyway and there’s nothing better than drowning your sorrow in another person and this boy tells me “i can’t date someone who is basically taken.” Now i know I wouldn’t want to […]
Long story short. .I have been engaged for the past 3 years, we had been dating for 5 years, and we have been friends since mid 2000. I suffer from depression and have attempted suicide several times in the past. When my other half and I started dating something changed in me. I could feel it and my family could see it. He was a blessing in disguise. After April of this year I could feel something wasn’t the same my gut said he was […]
Here i am, unable to sleep once again. It has been becoming more regular lately. Thinking of the failures of my life. The failures bound to take their place in my life eventually, who knows how many more there could be. I feel like it’s getting closer to the day that i just give into these thoughts. I just want it to come to an end. An abrupt, swift end.
Now for a little back story i guess (sorry in advance in if i get carried away). When i was in primary school, i was bullied to the point where an eight year old (myself) wanted […]
” I am not a good person, and I deserve to die ”
So on the 24th of august 2014 i tried to commit suicide and wanted to so badly, and you know nearly succeeded but because of my brother i am still alive lol. We had an argument the day before and i stupidly realised after i had taken 35 out of the 50 i had laid out on my table. So of course because my brother is the only person in this world i actually care abt and know he cares abt me i stopped. And im a bit glad i did but not entirely because i still feel like complete and utter shit, i still […]
I was thinking of committing suicide. But I try praying St. Jude Novena. All solved and I’m still alive 🙂
Try and pray Saint Jude Novena for 9 days..7 times each day 😉
“St. Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the person (who betrayed our Lord) has caused you to be forgotten by many, but the true Church invokes you universally as the Patron of things despaired of. Pray for me, who is so miserable; pray for me, that I may finally receive the consolations and the succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (ADD YOUR […]