For seven years now ive been lieing to myself believing things would get better, people would change….my efforts to hold on would pay off….but ive hit a point where everything has lost meaning and hope….my thoughts of suicide are my only form of happiness now…my life has lost value i no longer see the point in waken up….i cant escape my thoughts no matter how hard i try….everyone doesnt   realize the hurt i feel n why its so easy for me to jus not care about anything…they take it as a  joke n use me as an escape from their lives….ive tried to reach out for […]
Tag:
Pills
the only time I feel calm without the influence of drugs, is here. Fuck, what’s wrong with me? :s
I think about dying, and now, what holds me back is that I won’t get to swim in the sadness that I’ll cause with my death. I won’t be able to lick the tears of my loved ones as they wonder why they didn’t notice my derangement sooner. I wanna be like huck finn, fake my death and attend my funeral. The only happiness I have is others misfortune and oh golly would I love to feed off the negative energy that would be radiating from my […]
so today was a long and bad day. started off a good day though. but i was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of weapon in school, possession of another students property (theft), and possession of lighters. this all happend in school. it sucked. i was in the deans office for like 4 hours. im gonna need to go to court, and i was suspended from school for ten days. might even get expelled. but i dont think i will. then i might need to go to rehab. so my life sucks even more now. i got a mugshot and finger printed too. […]
i have had many suicide attempts, and i will share them all eventually, but this is one of the more recent ones, and it is the one that disturbs me most..
i had been feeling bad for a while, things were getting on top of me, i was living with my boyfriend in a really cramped flat, it was summer, and a few things happened, i had a minor fit of paranoia when my friend tripped me up at the pub he didnt mean to, yet i saw it as he did, i was feeling abandoned, and lonely, i didnt want to be with my boyfriend […]
I want to get new pills because none of them seem to even work anymore i still feel depressed and i still have bad suicidal thoughts i want new pills or to just be taken off them all together
I feel the darkness closing in…but I
like it! I find comfort in things others
fear. Have I only now realized I’m the
square peg trying to fit into that
round hole? I’ve participated in
“normal life”, but I always feel
out of place. This is something that
has been with me since I can
remember (I’ll be 31 on wed.) Always
nipping at my heals, but not taking a
full bite…until recently. I see a dark
room, lit only with the pale light of the
TV. Me laying on the couch in cold
silence. No one around…just me with
my ever racing thoughts…blood,
flesh […]
WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE?!!!
i took a total of 18 painkillers, 7 ALIVE, 5 midol, and like 10 other types of pills and im still here! i didnt even have to go to the damn hospital!!
everytime i fail it just makes me hate myself even more. it makes me cut deeper and longer, and not even tht works!
why does my dear lover Death elude me?! why does he not want me to join him in a world we can spend forever in? i would be doing the world a huge frippin favor if i left!….whats keeping me here….and why?
I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.
Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.
And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]
Everyone who has ever encouraged to to keep living are just plane old shelfish how could you want someone that you see suffering so bad to stay alive people may call me selfish because im only thinking about myself but why cant i everybody else is i just want to curl up somewhere and die a lady once told me that she didnt like people like me because her son is fighting to live while im fighting to die you know what i told here ill prey harder for me and her son to switch places because if i was […]
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I…?Â
Insecure
Self destructiveÂ
Afraid to grow up
Nervous
Delusional
Crazy
SchizophrenicÂ
Proud
Dissociative
DilapidatedÂ
Narcissistic
Misaligned
Inoperable
Anorexic
FailureÂ
DisappointedÂ
Nostalgic
ConflictedÂ
Non-committed
Addicted
Afraid
Fearless
Normal
Perfect
Relentless
Depressed
Suicidal
Genius
Mad
Insane
I am!
There is something wrong with me!
I want to be committed to cure my ailments. I am of clear thought of body and mind for all pertinent matters. My fear of seeking help is loss of respect from my family, social status, future, but most of all, my 2nd amendment right to bare arms. I shall stand naked holding my weapon of choice and I will […]
im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
i just want to tak me life,i reallly do.nothing at home is right it seems like everybody leaving me and how do i suppose to deal with that.i have no one to talk about this to. my mom dosent care about me and my dad is trying his best. sometimes i think people like me wasnt supposed to be on this earth. i cry at night mostly every night thinking bout how everybody hates me.i took alot of pills ounce diffrent ones it made me real drowsy and i just lad there looking high. i even tried to cut my wrists. i just want to […]
I hate living i wish that my mom.would just let me die already ive been suffering for years now and she seems not to care she avoids the situation until i try something then thats when she notice i need more help then what shes giving.but the truth is i dont want.anyones help i just want to be left aline so that i could just die by myself what so hard about that you know i prayed and prayed that this world would end in 2012 like is was supose to but i guess i didnt prey hard enough because here i am writing […]
I feel like im in this all by myself.no one cares about me im like so close to take these pills that i have hiden in my purse i cant do this i just need to get out of here i just feel like dieing i cant stop crying i dont want to hurt my mom but then again im hurting myself just staying here what should i do i just feel so lodt and alone in this world
Tears streaming down my fave my hands shake as i pick up the cigaret from the ashtray.i have all these differentt thoughts running threw my mind do i deserve to die or is that just the devil inside.i gt up tears coming harder because i know what im about to do.i race toy room, nothing can stop me from what iam about to do.i look for my pills there they are right on the dresser as they were before.i open them up and count them out loud,theres only fifty but im about to swallow them down,im done i did it now i have […]
First and foremost, Happy New Year everyone, though it seems that some of you here have had/are having a crappy time.
I’m new here, name’s Aki. I stumbled upon this site a few months/years back, but never registered. Got put off by the seeming anti suicide I was reading on here at that time (I think, I don’t know. I’ve gone through a lot of suicide sites). I’m not known or anything, but I do lurk around other sites, though they’re mostly pro. Anyways.
Here’s a brief summary of my attempted suicide history.
Started thinking about it when I was nine years old, then went through the whole emo […]
Ok, so apparently, being suicidal is a bad thing.
They approach my “condition” with scorn.
They ask me, “Why can’t you just be normal like everyone else?”
They throw pills in my face and tell me to get better… As if it was that simple. LOL… I’m a waste of space in this morbid world, and, pills aren’t going to make it all better. So far, they haven’t. And it’s been quite some time now. 🙁
Honestly, I don’t wanna be like this… ‘I am (in the words of Korn) clearly broken and no one knows what to do’~ >_>
So apparently, being suicidal is a […]
Hi my name is Aurora and I’m going to turn 19 soon. Since I was a little girl I’ve suffered from depression. I remember my frist suicide attempt was when I was around the age of 7 to 9. I tried to suffocate myself with my blanky by stuffing it down my throat, it didnt work. I continued on with my life miserable, but unaware that these feelings werent normal. My mother and stepfather abused me most of my life both mentally and physically. When I confronted my mom about the way she use to treat me she tells me to get over it or […]
Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..
sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”
think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]