I’m not saying my life experience was the worst, but at this point I feel there is no point in staying around. Side note:My maternal uncle committed suicide, my paternal grandmother’s sister committed suicide, and my paternal grandfather died from alcoholism related issues. I feel like my family is a family who tries to be perfect, but hides many secrets because it seems like I’m outwardly the only screw up. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve always been terrified of everything. Often had insane temper tantrums. I don’t remember exactly how young I was when I first went to therapy, but I was young.. […]
Is there a point of living life when nothing interests/satisfies you? I don’t think so. 24/7 bored, I blame who I am
I’m deciding whether to kill myself. I have struggled with depression for a long time. I have seen many therapists, and nothing helps. I couldn’t even get an appointment with a psychiatrist. I had to call for months and I finally got an appointment in another week. I don’t know if I will still be around then.
I talked to the mental health department and told them I was considering killing myself. They said good luck.
The thing is there is nothing really wrong with my life. I don’t have any real hardships besides depression, anxiety, and being fat. My meaning is I don’t have a reason […]
My boyfriend physically hurt me during a fight a couple days ago and ever since I don’t feel safe around him. I’m 8 months pregnant and I’m thinking at this point the best option for us both is for me to just do it. I’m planning on doing it Monday I just keep getting sad about how my dad will take it and my therapist… I thought I had finally found a reason to live and to be happy I survived my first attempt 8 years ago… Only to have it shattered. I am going to write my goodbye letters this weekend. I wish I […]
Is there ever really a perfect time to do it? I think we all wait till things get so bad that we completely run out of resources and patience – and then we do it. I always thought that’s how things are. That’s what I learned suicide is – running out of the resources to cope.
But what if I am at that point? All I think about is suicide. All I want is death. I have nothing to live for. I have recently run out of every reason to live. The one person that gave me hope for a future, gave me reason to believe […]
I’m tired of this cold world. For you to reject my offered hand with a slap, you’ve made your point clear.
I’ll be leaving later but know this… I would’ve tried my best to keep you afloat. I wouldn’t give up until I got you ashore. I would’ve gave you CPR for as long as you needed. If none of that was possible, I would’ve drowned with you in the icy, cold water, instead of drowning alone like I currently am.
Whatever. It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m going to trade this cold for something warmer soon… Even if it is burning.
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want […]
Why is it that we hesitate about taking that final step?
I myself have the perfect, easy, pain free solution available right now,
but I cannot discuss what that is due to this forums rules.
Anyway my point is I still hesitate to take that final step and I’m not sure why.
I got really close once and had this feeling of peace and happiness until someone else stopped me so I know I’m not scared.
Am I waiting & wishing that life will improve?
No I’m not because I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than to not have to do this thing called […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Well tonight was a fine example of why I rarely talk at all to anyone at anymore . With all that’s been happening plus on top of what happened tonight. At this point if something doesn’t change. I might not no longer be here Monday.
Peace!
It’s been a really shitty past couple of days.
I have realized that absolutely nothing makes me happy anymore.
I see and feel no point to anything that i do.
I hate going to class, i don’t care about my job.
I don’t have the ability to feel anything.
I don’t know why i haven’t left already.
A few decades ago, when I was still depressed but had more energy than I do now, before my health declined to the point where I became disabled…
I had a six-month internship in a mental hospital, working to become a music therapist.
I got to see all types of patients. Schizophrenic, Depression, Bipolar, Alzheimer’s, Psychotic… everything.
I can’t go into details because of confidentiality, but I remember one moment more than anything else.
There was one day when a new patient was admitted. He was […]
Why are we alive? Why were we put here on Earth to live? People say the meaning of life is to be happy, but few people ever experience long-term happiness. So what’s the point? If some of us are depressed, then we don’t have a reason to live and be happy. There is no point in living an empty life void of happiness. That’s why some become suicidal, right? There’s nothing left to live for.
I’m not mean, but I’m truthful.
I’m not crazy, I’m just unconventional.
I’m not alive, although I’m not dead.
I’m not depressed, however I am in pain.
I’m in pain because I’m conflicted. Why? Because I love dragging the sharp blade across my skin. The way it stings, the way my blood drips, the way it makes me feel.
Every once and a while, my cravings increase to a point of concern. It’s not longer just hurting myself by the pocket knife I keep by my bedside, it’s wondering what it would feel like to crash my car into a tree. What it would feel like to fall off of […]
Hello.
I’m still alive.
It’s been a while since the last time I posted here and to be quite honest I thought it was because I was getting better but I think that’s just a lie I keep telling myself so I don’t try to commit again. Lately I’ve been feeling quite down and have (LITERALLY) no friends to vent to and before this becomes into something more than it should I decided to come back and just, if not vent, at least just .. write .. about anything and everything, if that makes sense.
It’s going to be the anniversary of my last attempt and I feel […]
I think some things are triggers. Sports for example. I used to love riding, and I still do, but trips to see my horses and traveling to shows have resulted in suicidal thoughts. I keep thinking about how I would do it. Some days, I don’t think I could stand by the train tracks and stop myself from jumping in front of the incoming train. There is only one thing that keeps me from doing this: my horses. I can’t stop imagining the look on Prince’s face when my parents tell him I’m not coming any more. He won’t get anymore cookies from me. He […]
Isn’t it ironic that those who should care the most are most times the driving force behind self harm and suicide?
They say the worst about you, plot for your failure and amongst all things, they lie , LIE , LIE!!!!
It has come to this point in which I am beginning to denounce them just as they have done to me.
It has reached to the point where if anything were to happen to them , I’d be unaffected. It wouldn’t break me.
How can people who profess Christianity act so contradictory and evil, yet call on God. For this reason, to me Christianity and God is an […]
I wounder everyday, for what reason have I been put on this planet, why was I born – what difference am I making to this shitty world? The struggle for everyday survival, the 9-5 deadbeat job and the same constant fucking routine; that we call everyday life.
I can’t move on, there’s nothing to look forward to anymore, nothing to smile, care, love and be happy about; Just pain, misery loneliness. I walk down the street, see happy people all around me, couples holding hand – kissing, children playing etc. The people who helped destroy my relationship, the ones who I once […]
I basically visit this site everyday since my sister told me about it. But I’m always somewhat off with my posts. Truth is what I’m going through doesn’t really match a lot of posts that I read on here. And that says something.
Sure enough, we all feel suicidal for whatever reason and that is why we stay so true to SP. We’re all linked that way. But our reasons for loathing three things: ourselves, other people and the world/future, are so different.
I guess I’m just stating the obvious here but I want to get this point across. There are no problems that are too small or too […]
I cant shake this feeling of patheticness that lives within in me, its like a cancer that has grown to occupy and associate itself with so much of my thoughts. I cant look at something simple and not have it trigger these self defeating and narcissistic thoughts.
Everything feeds it and makes it grow, stronger and stronger. It has gotten to the point where it effects everything I do, every conversation I have, every task that I have to go through to live my life.
Is someone had a disease that the doctor could see in a scanner and see that it has spread so much, they […]