I’m a 19 y/o girl who has done amazing things in life. People have told me this. I don’t feel amazing though. Yeah, I play the drums, attend culinary school, I’m known as the “church girl”. I never miss mass. Everyone see’s me with a smile. I don’t even want to smile. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times and no one knows that. I just saw a picture of someone with another person. Something I always was afraid of seeing. Someone who I gave my whole heart to…someone who I loved and cherished so much. I truly never got over this person. This is only part […]
Please Dear God,
Take me away from here. I’ll do it myself if you’ll take my fear.
I’ll take the knife so sharply, so swift, the instant release will be like a gift.
Jumping is not the answer : I would fear the fall. Pleasae Lord, Send an Angel, for Death has come to call.
I can’t wait much longer trapped here like a mouse, i feel like a prisioner within my own house.
Thank You, Dear Lord, for allowing me this escape, thank you thank you Lord, to meet you i can’t wait.
To embrace me in your gentle hug, to finally feel the warmth of love.
So Dear Lord, Please […]
Still wanna kill myself over a person who could care less.im going to eliminate that pian in my chest by putting a bullet through it.god hasnt answered a single prayer in 3mon.as a mater of fact thing just keep getting worse. I cant wait to taste the kiss of death.ill be leaving us soon its just too much to bear anymore.goodby all.she is worth death.seeing her with another man is worth death.my sadness is worth death.im such a coward.and am so selfish because there are many who love me but the one i want to doesnt.and thats worth death
I haven’t posted anything in a while, while I have been reading others posts and commenting I really have nothing to say as far as myself. I posted that I was entering a manic state, but now I’m not so sure. I have bipolar 2 so I don’t experience intense mania. I have sperts on and off of whats called hypomania. Less intense but still manic and comes with a harsh crash back to reality soon after. So for the last 6 days or so I have been calm, cool, and collected.
I woke up and realized I was completely over my ex and my depression […]
WHY?
That’s the only question I have for you.
WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
I can’t keep doing this, I don’t understand. Why would you make humans capable of love? It’s a horrid, horrid emotion? I don’t understand what we did to deserve this kind of cruel and unusual punishment. You made us in your own image, right? What, did you just have so much love in your heart that you had to give each and every one of us a bit of it, so that we could feel the pain you’ve felt in having to give up so much for us? Well, I’ll tell you one thing, […]
 Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there’s a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can’t see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you’ll see, you’ll see
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
’cause the pain you’ve been feeling,
can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, nd just […]
It seems to me that everything about a relationship is involved in some kind of “magical” thought process otherwise its like a business – a cold emotionless exchange of “product,”(e.g. time spent together is comparable to buying cotton balls).
If you love someone then that is yielding to magical thinking. Love can be defined as an ineffable level of affection toward a person; if something is incapable of being expressed or if it is indescribable(i.e. there are no words to define it) then it is not natural(i.e. conforming to the ordinary); if something is not natural then it is supranatural or magical(i.e. producing awe).
Love is not realistic; love is inappropriate.
With […]
I draw sweet air
Deeply and long,
As pure as prayer,
As sweet as song.
Where lilies glow
And roses wreath,
Heart-joy I know
Is just to breathe.
Aye, so I think
By shore or sea,
As deep I drink
Of purity.
This brave machine,
Bare to the buff,
I keep ice-clean,
Breath is enough.
From mountain stream
To covert cool
The world, I deem,
Is wonderful;
The great, the small,
The smooth, the rough,
I love it all,–
Breath is enough.
Robert W. Service
I HOPE THAT ONE DAY I WILL BE HAPPY LIKE THIS
After giving up on Helium because I cant get a replacement flow gauge that I need for my bag setup and my local supplier of ******** was out of the cylinder size that I needed, (I have a regulator and flow gauge for N2 but my tank is almost empty) I have had to put my plans on hold for a few more days until I can get an exchange cylinder of N2.
After doing some serious research on inhaled inert gasses, I can see why so many attempts fail. It is not nearly as simple as books and internet pages make it sound. It is […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – […]
Hey guys, been off this site for awhile, i was actually pretty proud of myself, been over 2 months since i have self hurt, or contemplated suicide. that was quickly overturned a few days ago, when i learned i was going to a school, a school that contains a girl that used and abused me. she was supposed to be my best friend, and be there for me, i hadn’t had friends in so long, or really ever for that matter, and she was there for me, hung out with me, and made me feel good. but in all this joy, there were tiny red flags that […]
You can choose to read this or not. I know it’s long.
I’m 17.
Ever since I can remember I’ve been witnessing abuse in my household.
When I was 4, I remember seeing my parents fist fight all the time, & I could never understand why. I remember seeing a few relatives standing in my doorway, but I don’t know why they were standing there, or if they really were there at all. I got my first taste of first-hand violence when I was 5. My mom was holding me in her arms while my dad was punching away at her face. & I remember asking him […]
Ever since my mom died when i was 14 i’ve been depressed. I was a momma’s girl, i slept in the bed with her till i was 12. Alot of things happened to me as a child. My father left when i was 3 and I was molested by a friend of the family when i was 8. I remember being really shy as a child and scared of everyone and everything. I was constantly teased by my older sisters for being so cringy and i’d cry. Then one friday morning, after fighting a long battle of breast cancer, my mother died in her bedroom. When she died noone even acknowledged my presence. […]
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