i guess tonight is the end, the end of happiness and sadness, just the end.
it appears that no matter how far any of get away from this we all regress at some point or another, but i guess thats when we got to think about how we healed in the first place.
Hey guys, been off this site for awhile, i was actually pretty proud of myself, been over 2 months since i have self hurt, orÂ contemplatedÂ suicide. that was quickly overturned a few days ago, when i learned i was going to a school, a school that contains a girl that used and abused me. she was supposed to be my best friend, and be there for me, i hadn’t had friends in so long, or really ever for that matter, and she was there for me, hung out with me, and made me feel good. but in all this joy, there were tiny red flags that […]
How absolutely sick is it that I find comfort and safety on a site that people tell you about how they want to die? Oh now you are probably thinking to yourself, well itâ€™s probably because you need to know that there are others like you. Yes thatâ€™s right I have a logical mind. I am not mad at you, whoever you is, Iâ€™m mad at me, for being me, but then for being mad at me, because I know how it is more for a lot of people with personality disorders, except I feel what I should feel, then have not the feelings […]
I really donâ€™t know what to do anymoreâ€¦ its not that Iâ€™m really giving up, I just donâ€™t know what to do now. I have been thinking about life, and what to do. I want to live happily, and I think about the future, and I know how Iâ€™ll feel and yes I feel like that sometimes but other times I just go down and it all seems to slip through my fingers. I just donâ€™t know what to do right now. So Iâ€™ll just keep sitting around hoping no praying I can get better, you see I know why and the reason for […]
I do not think I handle this anymore, I have breakdowns and no one ever sees it. I mean first I isolate myself after something very small, then I get really mad and then sad and have talks with like my family im not sctiofranic, I know I am not actually talking to them, but it calms me down, and no one has to see anything. But its killing me. Right now I am sitting in my grandmas guest room, my moms going in and out, I want to show her how I am feeling right, show her to try to feel better, but […]
i am on a breakdown, i am possibly bipolar, which is probably true, i am in high school, i have next to nothing in friends, and i am literally breaking down. For the last 3 nights, well the first i broke down in front of my parents and cried and yelled at like one in the morning, and then for the last two nights i have had to stay up all night in order to keep myself from doing breaking down again. I just cannot handle life anymore, and this seem to be my break down and i feel as if my ife will go […]
It’s me against the world, not that i am fighting the world and everyone in it, but its me against the myself. that is the hardest part.
i keep getting medical issues, and in highschool its just tough to deal with. And beyond that i just got diagnosed with bipolar, and i am just tired, but i know in a few hours i will be happy, and fine. I am so happy and then i get so sad, i just don’t know whether living is worth it… i know you are going to say well you’ll be happy, but then i know i will just fall again. And meds don’t work, they make it worse, and counsling does shit… God doesn’t do much either…. so i just am lost and feel done. […]
i sit here numb,
unaware of my surroundings ,
knowing i am here but am almost watching myself, in and yet out.
what can i do to stop this,
what can i do to move on,
and what can i do right now?
i am on the break, but i don’t know if it’s the break of life or death… i feel as though i am floating, and i feel a though i have lived this moment before, i don’t care what people think or do anymore, i can go run or walk, but i get back and i could have not done it, there’s no difference…. i just don’t feel… i sit alone, confused, and floating
do you know that feeling of pure happiness, when you think everything is going to be ok…. i do…. it happens every morning when i wake up, but night i have fallen back, back into to this never ending loop of hate, i hate myself… people hate me… and well you get the point. I have been called day and night, werewolf, and other things of that nature by the few i canÂ actuallyÂ trust. Â i am so sick of that, being happy just to know you will fall again.
I have become hazy and numb…. i just don’t know what to do anymore….
To be alone, to sit here, to want to move on, but somethingâ€™s always there holding me back.
I want to move on, I want to get better, but my mind blanks every time I write these words, for this is pure misery, living in a hole, waiting, waiting, to get better.
But I know I will get better, for I have told myself so, but waiting, waiting for that day id like waiting for rain in the desert.
It will happen someday, I really do know, but what to do until then, I just donâ€™t know.
I am not […]
i sit here in this room,
i sit here alone,
i sit here just awaiting my doom.
I want to get help,
i want to get better,
i want to do all of this, but i was never a yelper.
I don’t know anymore i feel myself getting lighter,
I sit in a daze,
trying to become a bit of a writer.
I know i am not good,
Not a writer, or a person,
but i hope to get out from under this hood.
This is a hood where i hide,
where i don’t have to show my face,
but i guess i seem to have died.
I may end […]
I am lost Iâ€™m helping other people cope, because I cannot do that for myself, thatâ€™s what Iâ€™ve always done for two reasons. One because it doesnâ€™t seem fair for two people to like fail and second because I keep thinking that somehow just maybe helping them will fix the problems I avoid in my life. I need help and guidance but no one sees it, ever. Its proven over and over again every time I tell someone who I am and how I feel its always like sympathy and I donâ€™t need that I need understanding sometimes thereâ€™s some of that to but […]
ok i know this sounds cheesy but i want a guy, not any guy i want a guy who will like know how i’m feeling because it kills me that i can fake happiness so well, and people either believe me or just don’t care. High school is a horrible place to find a boy friend…Â especiallyÂ mine. And all of my friends have boy friends, and well its odd but im friends with them as well. Now don’t get me wrong i in no way want their boy friends, but i see how happy they are, and im just sick of being alone, and sad.
HowÂ would you feel if you’ve been depressed for four years, everyone you have cared about dumped you?Then you decided to write it all out, in an autobiography. The someone stole it, read it, and sent it to people in your school?Â IÂ want to die, even if she’s taking them blame, those were my private, personal thoughts, and i just feel i cannot deal with this kind of stuff anymore… I’m not the mostÂ suicidalÂ person but i’m just feeling nothing… numb..
I have a big problem telling fantasy from reality. And no i don’t there are like fairy puff princesses everywhere. i just had a really horrible friend that she ended up using me, and so it was fake but all the while i thought we were truly friends. That was one of many things that has lead me into deep depression, i cut, burn, and think about killing myself… there’s a lot more to the story, but i cannot go there, because i cannot come to terms with the past… i am fifteen the only boyfriend i have ever had dumped me because it was […]
I am going to move it isÂ unavoidable, and i have to keep it a secret… but i told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. He only did it because of this but the truth is i am not moving for another year… and this really hurt. I am dealing with depression and he didn’t really know the extent of it… and this really crushed me. He is really honest with me and tells me everything still, we are really close and that hasn’t ended but i am still so confused… you see he told me he still loved me and he didn’t want […]