As it gets closer to time I’m wondering what it will be like. Will there be pain? Will I feel life leaving my body? Will I be asleep? Will I be afraid? Will I fail? If I fail what’s going to happen? Will I be hospitalized? Psych hold? What method will I try next if the pills fail me? My brain is busy processing all these questions. Has anyone attempted before that is willing to share your experience?
Tag:
Psych
It was during Christmas break last year, when I couldnt stand my life anymore. My stepparents left so i was locked in my room. when they leave my friend would come over. That day i thought she was practicing with her band. I then busted my door open, ran to my parents bedroom and grabbed my stepmothers sleeping pills. It was an entire bottle, 250 pills. I then i drew a bath. i got into the bathtup, took all of the pills and slit my wrist. If you slit your wrists and submerge them in water you’ll bleed out faster. FROM THIS POINT ON […]
I just joined. I’m a girl, a cutter. Not an adult, but I won’t say my age. My life wasn’t unfair, I wasn’t abused, nothing bad happened to me. That’s exactly the problem though. Other people, kinder people, better people than me have been raped, assaulted, bullied, any number of problems. Not me. I don’t have any problems. None.
I hate myself because I was, am, a bully. I changed schools recently so I haven’t bullied anyone recently, but at my other school, oh I’m such an awful person. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the people I used to bully are all on here, crying […]
I just don’t see the use of living anymore. I’ve had 4 breakdowns and each one gets worse. Nobody understands. I don’t have money so the only therapy I got was a grad student in psych. He’s a nice guy but not enough to scrap me off the wall. People say suicide is about wanting to end the pain, not so much about wanting to end your life. But I’m always in physical and emotional pain and yeah, I want it to end. BUT when you can’t get the help you need to get better, why fight it anymore? […]
I should be happy. I should be.
My psych didn’t change my meds yesterday. I still want to die. Tried hanging a couple of times before. Maybe I’ll jump today for a change. There’s a 13 level multi-storey car park across the road.
Told me to call the suicide hotline if I’m going to do it. Why do I feel this way? I don’t have any real reason to want to die.
i don’t always remember the days very well so when my psych doc asks  how i’ve been for the last week i don’t always know what to say.  i’ve realized that i can tell how the last week went by how furry my teeth are.  anybody else have any things like that?
I don’t think I can do this anymore. I thought this would be a fresh start but the same things hit me over and over again. I’m on medication but it doesn’t seem to help and I’m broke, so broke I can’t afford to continue. I can’t focus or concentrate on what needs to get done. Right now, that’s my assignments. My lecturers have extended deadlines but I still can’t go through the hurdles.
My friends are frustrated with me. They just want me to get the work over and done with. But I can’t. I don’t understand the things I read anymore and soon I […]
so this site edited my last post, kind of pissed me off…but anyway..
Im here, somehow. I almost went to the mental hospital again, but my psych just increased one of my meds. Do i still think of suicide? Yes. Do i want to do it? Im not sure.
I think about it all the time…but im scared.
I do honestly feel thought that i have spent enough time here on this earth. I dont want to live everyday a mentally ill wreck.
I wrote a few notes already, but ive tucked them away. I just sob until i fall asleep.
Theres two things that can happen to me at […]
i just would like to put it out there, i’m not looking for someone to play a violin, anyways, i hate being calm and collective and rational about being able to take my own life, emotion breaks through the surface every now and then, but i just put a bandaid over it, which will only last for so long, soon i’ll run out. I’ve been doing this my whole life. i’ve recently started seeing a psych, and as of today my psychologist has put me on LexaPro, i know it will not make a difference, not what i am, not the […]
I’m 41 yo female, I don’t have any kids. My family don’t talk to me. I have been formally diagnosed with aspergers. I have a low grade glioma in my brain stem (superior colliculus). I have a chiari 1 malformation. Both the tumour and chiari cause migraines, nausea and anxiety. I’m depressed, and everyone I speak to says that is understandable given my situation. I havent any friends – thanks to a combination of my aspergers and terminal illness. People walk away as if it’s catching or something. I’ve tried phoning helplines but all they […]
Last weekend, I managed to paint myself into a corner. I hadn’t realized that I had run out of Geodon and Cogentin, AND I hadn’t realized that I had no refills left. Okay, no big deal, request refills on-line, they’ll call my psych on Monday, I go get them, no big deal. I just need to get from Friday night to Monday afternoon. I’ve run out of other meds before, and they always take a couple of days before I start feeling any discomfort.
Goddess save me.
I started feeling it Saturday afternoon — tremors, sleepiness, lack of coordination. By the middle of Sunday, I felt like […]
the amassing depression. the self-loathing, self put down. the little voice in my head telling me that i should just kill myself and be free. my fucking straight edge calling me from the drawer. my psych meds transforming into an image of freedom. fuck fuck fuck!!! how wonderful it would be, the bus driver not being able to stop in time. or the gun salesman not knowing my true intention. fuck here come the fucking tears. the kind of sadness that make me feel weak and lonely. except for the fact that i am alone and lonely. i’m a pathetic excuse for a human being. […]
Its always darkest before the dawn right? Where did the fucking Sun go?
by Stoshua18
written by Stoshua18
Well it’s been an interesting time in my life. I’ve spent almost 2 months of it in a mental hospital separated with a girlfriend of almost 3 years, mother of my third son who will be 2 tomorrow. Â Started a relationship with another woman who I have to say, I love dearly. Â I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I can’t bring myself to live a ‘normal’ life where I am a responsible adult and 9-5 and family one weekends. I left out in disability in December of last year about 3 months after FINALLY seeing a psychiatrist and being diagnosed with […]