My mind tells me that I am a prisoner trapped in my own fuckin body. I so desperately need to be free from this little thing we call life, to just leave this God forsaken planet. I have so much rage, hate, and anger pent up in side me I literally feel as if I could explode, I try my best to keep it under lock an key (I mean what kind of man can’t even control his own emotions) but sometimes it gets the best of me and I usually end up trying to cave someone’s face in. And it feels great at the […]
Tag:
Rage
A few days ago I made an attempt and failed. Â Although the entire event was totally painless and quite peaceful I awoke about 30 minutes after only to find my body had apparently taken over using its’ reflexive ability to remove what was “causing harm”. Â I did not take this into consideration and therefore it serves as yet another example of my capacity to fail miserably. Â The end result was a massive headache which slowly subsided as the evening wore on and a persistent thought that I may have caused some sort of brain damage.
Having a bit of medical knowledge I performed self tests to […]
fourth grade and things didnt get better. People didnt really talk to me and if they did, they never had anything nice to say to me.I constantly got called names; Fatty, little miss piggy, worm (because i had my hair braided and they looked like little worms), four eyes, book worm, slob, ugly etc. I became very drawn back and I started to write poetry. My first poem was called no one cares about me. its a self explanatory poem. the names got to me. they weighted on my heart so much. I became bitter towards the world. I started to get a really bad attitude. I fought back […]
sitting here in tears over with life smiling like everything is okay but deep down i am having this cutting rage
i pull the razor out sit in the dark i dont wanna see the pain i just wanna feel the hurt.
recutting my scars crying i need help .
depression taking over suicidal thoughts on my mind
just waiting on the right time
to end this hell of a fucking life.
maybe if i die it would be easier to understand my story.
When I was younger, I was molested and beaten almost daily by my older sister who I idolized and looked up to. My parents would blame me for her violent episodes, saying that I provoked her. Whenever I would fight back, I’d be punished, by spankings with a belt, or they would take away things that were important to me.
Later on, my sister told my parents that I was the one who instigated the molestation. It was a very, very shameful night, me, sitting at the table with my family, my sister crying crocodile tears of guilt at 15 years of […]
i am so alone,
i am so lonely,
no matter which way i put it its still the same, and it doesn’t make it go away
i need love,
i crave love,
and yet i find my self alone, i find myself unloved.
i dont know what to do or say to achieve anything. so i am alone.
right now i have a stringent obsession for a girl that i will never be able to have,
due to one simple fact. she doesnt like men LOL
oh the calamity, that it so awful. i know right?
its whatever i guess, if the only thing i can be is a friend thats what ill be.
but it […]
I have a lot of admiration for many of you who can actually go through the act of attempting suicide. I have wanted to since I was 7 years old and have not had the courage. I am now 53 and still a woos. I suppose what it boils down to is that I really don’t want to kill myself but to be put out of my misery. Don’t get me wrong. I have come very close a time or two and someday I may just get that courage to succeed. I have lived with myself for many years and all I know is that […]
Here is the place where I will let myself be terrified
I’m sick of telling you that I’m okay, that I’m fine
It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to hate lying
This time I won’t turn off the panic, I wanna cry
Release, I need to free the monster, free the fear
Even if I have to cut apart the cage
I will destroy this with my rage
I don’t wanna prevent myself from being this way
I don’t wanna tell you that I wanna live today
Because if I were to be honest, I don’t
And I’m scared of what I’ll do to […]
Here is the place where I will let myself be terrified
I’m sick of telling you that I’m okay, that I’m fine
It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to hate lying
This time I won’t turn off the panic, I wanna cry
Release, I need to free the monster, free the fear
Even if I have to cut apart the cage
I will destroy this with my rage
I don’t wanna prevent myself from being this way
I don’t wanna tell you that I wanna live today
Because if I were to be honest, I don’t
And I’m scared of what I’ll do to […]
Why is it so hard for me to let people in? Why do I put on a mask and hide my emotions? I can almost feel a curtain come down, blocking my soul from whoever may be there.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck,trapped oddly enough by my family. My husband has too much at work, and I don’t know how my kids would handle me having a second stay in the hospital in one year. That’s why the permanent solution keeps rolling around in my brain. Just be done with all of this. There’s a […]
So I have been fighting the urge to kill myself off and on for about 15 years now. Sometimes I lost and attempted suicide. So far I have tried twice, once when I was uncertain so it was a far cry from a real attempt, and once when I would have died had my neighbour not have found me. Problem is, I really do want to die but I don’t want to kill myself. I keep praying not to wake up and find myself full of rage when I wake up in the morning. I am so angry and depressed. I feel stuck, literally, we […]
I just want to go back to the start of it all I want to stop myself from being born I feel I have no life line no soul…..Im just existing not living No one can full comprehend this at all……I was totally not meant to be born I feel it in me…I have the worst timing in the world…and my anger,rage and sadness is getting worst. I know soon I will do it. this is how I feel ……
http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=OqKWxAmOLaM
Its amaxing to realise that this “high” i had felt wasnt really a high at all it just a foreign reactiontat o detected as a high but really it is the normal feelings that i am supposed to feel. This is my theory anyway….i really hope its accurate :/.
I can only imagine how azing high must feel….beyond satisfying.
Oh how ive been missing out.
Itakes me rage inside to see how other people have these “normal” feelings without even realising how good they have it.
Anyway …i feel these feeling starting to come about naturally..growing stronger and stronger…
maybe one day ill really believe it […]
I can’t stop listening to these songs.. they describe my pain my sadness my anger… The story of my end…
Mudvayne – scream with me
Ever feel like dying, Ever feel alone, Ever feel like crying, Lost child in a store, Ever feel life pushing, Shoving you away, Ever feel like breaking down, Funeral in the rain
Feel life slipping away, Stand in the corner and scream with me, A body full of empty, A head thats full of rage, Better belive it, Stand in the closet and scream with me A mind thats like a fire, Driven by the pain, Better believe it
Ever feel like lying, Down […]
WOOHOO! Finally, the one thing I have ALWAYS wanted is happening, and for real this time too! My parents are splitting up. I have been, mentally,emotionally, and even slightly physically abused but now it should be over right? Coz finally mum is going to save us from our so called “dad” errrerrrr. This is what happens when you expect to much from life. Life says wooah! Slow down there cowboy, I ain’t gonna let you off the hook that easily! Dad had officially gone crazy. If you’ve ever seen my posts then you will get a feel for how much a  phsycopath he is, but […]
Ok here is the thing…i have a great family , they love me totally..my hubby is kind and understanding. I have reecently been blessed by a baby boy hwo is just a bundle of cuteness. I am inconstant touch with my parents an brother who care for me deeply. I had a great job..which i hated hwne i had but now that i have been kicked out i realise how good it was. With all these gods blessings…i am totally a fucked up loser. I hate the fact that i cant find another job. I hate my son when heis needy and cries for me. […]
I’m a product of fucked up rage
Higher masses breed hate and discrimination
Only to further strengthen my cage
They feed the mindless mases lies
These are the screams of the outcast trying for a revolution
Mindless masses bore masscarades of confusion
YOuths lose reality in the game of life
Telling themselves to win one last fight
A fight to take their lives
A fight to whisper in the ear of th e higher masses
In turn they scream of a nation under God needing to arise from the ashes
This is the new holocaust
The outcast are now the ones persecuted
This is not […]
The tears they fall unfiltered and pure
Pouring out pain that nothing can cure
Tumbling, cascading like the waterfall
The vivid mark of agony’s call
Those salty drops of feminine curse
Trapped under weight, day by day growing worse
no one to catch them, no one to see
No one else lost in this hell-hole but me
Screaming in terror at the walls closing in
Dropping to my knees, my head starts to spin
Feeling the rage within growing stronger
What in the hell have I done that’s so wrong?
The quickness of breath and tightness of chest
I have endured through it all, gave […]
Darkness… thats all I see. It swirls around me growing and growing. It twist on itself like a dark flaming torrent. It gets bigger and bigger. All I can see is this abomination of a thing all around me. I am horrified. “what the hell is this!” I scream. Thats when I hear the laugh, and as soon as I hear it I realize something. The darkness is… my soul. Its whats left of what I used to be. It has rotted inside of me. It has grown like my rage, frustration, and deppression. Then I start to laugh with it. I laugh and laugh. My laugh […]
Deafening echoes reverberate off the walls.
Walls painted black by years of neglect.
Walls forming a very small room.
With a floor made of long-lost dreams and aspirations.
No door.
No window.
No light.
Beautiful.
In the center of the room, I sit.
Unable to think clearly.
Why is it so loud?
I only need a moment of peace.
What I wouldn’t give for a moment of peace.
Unable to open my eyes, for fear of what I might see.
And when I finally muster the courage, I wish that I hadn’t.
Filth.
That’s all I see around me.
People living meaningless lives.
Blissfully ignorant.
Secure in their […]