nothing is real. Nothing is genuine. It’s all fake. Why live in a fake world?
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real
Just one question for you all… Why is it that in sometimes I feel like I’m back in that exact moment when my life really changed? Why is it that I can hear and see everything like it’s right there infront of me? Why is it I can even see it in color vivid as can be? Why can I even smell that familiar sent?…. Whys it all seem so real? Real to the point where lately I’m questioning myself if it is or not.. Sigh
Hello. This is no a cry for help or pity or advise. It is just me … me on my own isolated wanting to end it all. My son lives abroad … I was due to spend xmas with him and his other family. Today the news came I am not welcome. Devestated. I have no one else around me. My mum died 2 montths ago. I think of dying every morning every night and even when I sleep. I hate pain so need a painless exit. The pain I feel in my life is real and strong. I am crippled by my emotions and […]
I’m lost, confused; angry at myself, yet I portray my anger at others to hide my insecurities. I am a sadist, I hate it. I hate it so much, yet I can’t help it. I want to stop hurting, but I cannot control myself. I made my mother cry today. I blamed her for what I am, I blamed her for who she is. She always let’s me do whatever I want. She never says no. Nor does she ever try to stop me. Does she care? I push limits, boundaries, nothing I do phases her. I wipe my feet all over this woman and […]
I have no friends in real life and i was feeling so lonley that I think I was about to go insane. When I came to this site I managed to atleast say something to someone. I feel much much better. Thank u everyone.
Performance anxiety… I have a presentation for school coming up, it’s on PTSD and I am comfortable with that topic but I am terrified about speaking in front of my classmates. College sucks, for real. It is not like speaking for work when I do that in public, though that terrifies me as well. I need tips. I have suicide as my out constantly but what the hell! Why should I let a stupid presentation kill me. Shouldn’t something romantic kill me? Anyways, I am really impulsive and I keep envisioning my car racing headlong into a tree the night of this presentation… I am […]
A little while ago, someone posted an experience about support (or lack thereof) with depression. I think the poster tried to tell their mom, and the response was something like “think more positively, you don’t have it bad at all,” etc. It occurs to me that other people, myself included, won’t tell family or friends about depression for fear of similar shit. Bottom line is, most people do not understand depression. Even a lot of depressed people are WTFing.
Even a lot of therapists, I’m told, have no idea what the hell to do. When it comes down to it, […]
This is something I’ll have to try and explain to my therapist. I figured I’d try to write it down first.
I suffer from delusional episodes. I don’t consider too many of my delusions “off the wall” or entirely “crazy” but never the less they exist only in my mind and it’s been proven to me on many occasions, but not before making outrageous claims, embarrassing myself and losing people I would have hoped to keep as friends..or more. This is why I say I suffer from delusions, because I drive away everyone who cares and the ones that stay get sucked into my pitiful […]
I almost always feel comfortable around others in a business sort of setting. When it comes to casual meetings and activities, I want the fuck out. I remember back when I had friends, and we went out to go eat, but I was bored to death. What was there to talk about? We already discussed poop. We talked about sex and food too. What was the point? Friends don’t last, they just come and go. We all run out of things to say, and being stuck in an unfulfilling relationship is… unfulfilling. I don’t get why people are so happy on the TV and outside […]
I may be young but my life is crumbled.My problem is not as serious as you people who take drugs and cut themselves because you are seriously hurt.I just feel like a piece of s***. I keep smiling in my life holding back my real feelings but that just makes me feel worse it makes me feel like i want to explode! My friends are not my real friends my family only critisize my every move i have no freedom.i feel like i want to die. I told myself that if i go through this hardship then god will reward me with heaven.but no. I […]
I’m so tired of being a punching bag. Why do you have to push all of your ideals, veiws and bs on me. I’m wearing out real fast now and I have no idea how much longer I’ll be able to last….
If you hate me so much now and have regrets the why the hell did you even keep me ariund.
Well dont worry. You know my favorite saying a man is known by the silence he keeps… I guess I’ll take that saying literally and become silent forever.
In this life I have learned that being loved or belonging is an illusion. I have learned in this life that the way to get close to people is to be something they need. If some arbitrary trait isn’t proven or provided to others then a person is left lonely, disrespected, and unloved. I don’t know if I have ever felt real love or bonding with another human. I don’t know if I have known a person to be selfless and kind spirited without some ulterior motive. Whenever I put myself out there and begin to trust the world I am reminded of how truly […]
You ever get tired of listening to advice that leaves you stranded on your own, doing battle against the pain in the darkness? Advice like “you gotta do it for yourself and not anyone else”
“no pain, no gain”
Even phrases like “have faith” can be conflicting, lonely and long if you are truly left on your own. Depending who you are of course.
People have been shoving that shit down my throat my whole life. “Don’t do it for anyone but yourself”
“You gotta live for you”
I don’t need to explain to some of you out there, that sometimes doing it on […]
i hate the bad thoughts i have about myself.I mean,i know i have a wonderful life.I Have very worried and caring parents and frinds,my family is wealthy,i dont have any health problems etcetera.but I can’t stop thinking that i am too dumb to go to med school,that i am to damm uggly to be interesting, that i lack social skills compared to my frinds,that i dont make my parents proud and that i am to selfish.I think it is why i want to become a doctor,so it would help me stop worring with such ridiculous shit compared with real people’s problems.i just […]
I don’t want to kill myself..I want to live my life and be happy. I’m trying so hard to hold it together but I’m fucking it all up. I have so much to live for it shouldn’t be this fucking hard to stand confident.
I finally met this beautiful girl that likes me and wants to spend time and she’s already catching on to my depression. I’ve shown enough good parts of myself to make her see I’m a great guy but I literally can’t control the way I feel when I’m all alone. I’m fucking this all up. No, No this can’t be me..it […]
Damn. It’s Hot. I hate this island. Nothing ever makes sense here. Everyone is smoking and drinking and killing cursing and…is happy. Why do buses filled with white people come here? Who in their right mind would want to come here? Avoid the groid! It’s so hot! Is this hell? Because everyone torments me with their jubilee while I am just devastated. I thought that If I preserved my memories they preserve me but they are just a mental horror movie. My childhood wasted. The real me Lost somewhere in between the beatings and loneliness and alienation. Why here!? Haha. Maybe I should run to […]
Then you left, showed me truth.
And told me to get over it.
With that knowledge, I can become such a spiteful person.
Or become a mindless drone living day to day with no real care.
This is for You
Because you should know you matter to me, even if it doesn’t matter to you.
What might be missing, and that’s likely a lot, is not a reflection on You, and is just the lack of my skills to put thoughts into words.
After all how could I ever be able to adequately explain how much you mean to me
I see you.
You’re hiding in plain sight, because you think no one will or can see you. How you shrug when someone moves to close. You sob under your breath, thinking no one will bother to notice. The dried up lines, […]
I honestly have nothing to fill all the hours of each day with. Unfortunately you can’t sleep 24 hours a day, I am actually jealous of coma patients some times. Its ridiculous to say that with all the millions of distractions that are so easily available. Yet its the truth, millions of books, video games, albums, movies, tv series etc available at the click of a mouse thanks to the internet. Plus all the social media and everything else the internet offers message boards chat rooms online classes. Well and of course all the fun things you could do out in the real world. Yet most […]
I’m new to this site because I’ve not really had reason to seek it out until recently. I’ve lurked quietly and read peoples’ stories because I found a sense of catharsis from witnessing and understanding that I’m not the only person who can feel this low. I think my story won’t be popular or creative and some may even scoff at me and think I’m a spoilt brat, but it’s my story and my life and it feels very real to me.
I’m a 21 year-old male, I grew up in a fairly privileged household where my parents provided materially but were never emotionally there. They’re […]