Tag:

real

This pain is so real

by Remnant The Unbroken 10/15/2014

written by Remnant The Unbroken

I miss you so much. I miss talking with you, I miss being with you, your company was my distraction from the dark void in my head.

The flashbacks I’m having are brutal. I constantly want to kill everyone around me. The anxiety and anger is just getting worse. I can’t go out in public without my eyes darting back and forth like someone is out to get me. I hate people.

Last therapy session made me rehash things that I long buried, I relived the shock and disgust. Therapist even commented on the scared look in my face. I just dont know what to do anymore.

10/15/2014 1 comment

It’s so blunt, I can’t help but laugh

by Lsari 10/14/2014

written by Lsari

It has been a while but I guess this was inevitable, I really tried to cut deeper but the knife was just so blunt. I just couldn’t feel the sadness that I know I should feel. I feel so empty and lifeless, this at least made me feel something. Just like last time, I started shallow and then gradually I will cut deeper and deeper.

People often mistake cutters for attention seekers and while it is true I am posting my picture in a public space, I […]

10/14/2014 9 comments

Why

by hellblau 10/12/2014

written by hellblau

It hurts when someone lies to you. It hurts to think that you love the image they give to you when it’s not the real self. It hurts like hell, cause you tried to give yourself to someone in a real way, you open up your soul to them, you give your mind to them, your feelings, your heart, your life. It hurts cause is a constant why, why is he lying to me? , why is he treating me like this and treating her like that ? why is he giving her that and giving me something else ? Is he giving me his […]

10/12/2014 4 comments

Nightmare

by Thetypicalsuicidalteenager 10/9/2014

written by Thetypicalsuicidalteenager

So i had the most terrifying nightmare last night…. I’ll spare you the gory details, but one thing i will say is my dad was the pain mart of it. He kept attacking me, abusing me, both verbally and physically, he was literally torturing me…it was the worst thing i’ve ever experienced dream wise…. And he kept telling me over and over… “Just kill yourself. Just commit suicide. Do it.” Again, and again, and again. And whereas in most dreams/ nightmares i can wake up, this one was a never ending torture. I woke up sweating, shaking uncontrollably, and crying. It was the worst thing […]

10/9/2014 0 comment

I am the Definition of Loser!

by NotAttentionSeeking 10/8/2014

written by NotAttentionSeeking

How would you define a loser?

Let’s see:

Would a 25 year old who cannot hold down a job for more than 6 weeks without getting fired and who has been unemployed for about 2 years qualify? Still living under your parents roof?

How about the person of the same age never having been in a relationship or have even had a real kiss? (The main issue being societies expectations. It does not really bother me too much.)

Or what about having no real friends because you have such poor social skills, get socially anxious and are known to have a temper? Where even mental health staff have given […]

10/8/2014 10 comments

Happy Birthday to our mate and SP regular Shephard!!

by Rey 10/8/2014

written by Rey

For those of you who don’t know big dawg Shep, he’s one of SP’s regulars. Shep’s your everyday good sort who always has a kind word to say to those at their most vulnerable. Many here really appreciate the input and presence Shep has on the site. Birthdays are pretty freaky times for everyone (I had some low moments during mine last week), so I thought this could be a good place to show some love!

Warm wishes for your 21st mate! Thanks for being an all-round great guy. Love your sense of humour (when you grace us with it :P), and the insight you offer […]

10/8/2014 44 comments

death

by Namelessqueer 10/7/2014

written by Namelessqueer

it seems far away but close by. while my meds are helping me think of it less day by day the universe resists. A friend from college committed suicide last week. It’s taking some time to hit me and i still don’t know if I have it for real. I lit some candles. went to the wake, saw the body. But I still can’t. I can’t describe how i feel or what I’m thinking. I know that before in my head I would laugh when i thought about killing myself. I don’t laugh anymore. It’s not that it feels more real or less real but […]

10/7/2014 1 comment

A special gift……

by PeelASquid 10/7/2014

written by PeelASquid

Found in the sea,

Your gift to me.

You saved me that night.

Almost losing the fight.

You left it there,

So I’d know you care.

Found so I’d know,

Wherever I go.

Your soul is with me,

So says the “tree”

But the real treasure is you.

I love you true.

10/7/2014 6 comments

You make me want to gag.

by mortuarychic 10/5/2014

written by mortuarychic

That’s what he said to me this morning when he broke up with me. We had been talking/dating for a few weeks and it was damn near perfect. I still had my moment but of course he didn’t know that. We had such a good night a nice long walk in the park a good meal and he took me to see the movie of my choice. We rented a room and we just hung out for the most part, but of course we did the deed. I was so happy and he seemed the same way, but when I woke up this morning I […]

10/5/2014 63 comments

Another shitty story.

by RamzanKadyrov 10/4/2014

written by RamzanKadyrov

Figured I’d vent on a perfectly nice Saturday afternoon since it’s not like I’m gonna be doing anything else for the rest of the weekend. To start off, I don’t have any tragic or sad past. I’ve never had a near death (or near life, for that matter) experience, never been molested by a strange uncle in a Garfield mask, never had some heartbreaking-ly awful romantic incident. Just a boring white male who’s lived a trite and meaningless life.

I wouldn’t say I’m depressed in a traditional sense, I don’t spend hours in bed trying to get up or experience general lethargy, but I sincerely want […]

10/4/2014 2 comments

I want to make friends here

by Isabella 10/3/2014

written by Isabella

Hi,

My name is Izzy. I suffer from severe social anxiety so I don’t have any friends in real life. I’m at a university for my first year of college. I’m suicidal. I would like to make friends on this website.

10/3/2014 9 comments

I’ve Decided to Go

by LisieJA 10/3/2014

written by LisieJA

I’ve been through it all. The medications. The Treatments. The therapy. At some point everything became blank. After I visited my father, who criticized me down to the last bit until I realised, I am nothing. I failed at all my suicide attempts. They said everyone who survived an attempt is always greatful. I wonder, when did it all go wrong. For as long as I remember, I was just…never real. We are all not real. I tried my best to always do what my parents wanted. I just wasn’t smart enough. I tried to be the best. But I’m nothing. My existence is a […]

10/3/2014 7 comments

blank

by neh 10/2/2014

written by neh

To have thought that I would ever ever be understood. Even by those closest to me. All those times that I keep allowing people to lead, to take decisions, to be unreasonable when things are not ok with them- not for once will it be reciprocated. It is a myth that people understand people, it is a myth that people are so close that they ‘get’ one another. No one understands anyone. That is the truth. One single truth. And everyone is there for themselves, convincing you how right they are, defeating you with their logic. At that time it does not matter how many […]

10/2/2014 3 comments

When you do it

by PariahMind 10/1/2014

written by PariahMind

Will you use your final act to help others in suffering? I am thinking of writing a concise message for the news to pick up on if they cover my death.

Depression and anxiety are real. Hug your friends. Learn to notice signs of depression (they can be hard to detect). Offer your own experiences with pain, and don’t give up on friends going through a rough time. You are likely much more important to them than you think you are.

Am I rambling?

The method must be drastic. I don’t know how specific I am allowed to be here, but I am inspired by the monks in […]

10/1/2014 6 comments

Can’t post a real post! Driving me crazy…. Can’t type in the body section… Only titles… WTF.

by EvilKitten 9/30/2014

written by EvilKitten

9/30/2014 13 comments

Death by hyperthermia

by DC001 9/27/2014

written by DC001

As it gets colder I had the idea of dying by hyperthermia (freezing to death). I was thinking of when it gets real cold in the next month or two of going out in the shed sitting down with a bottle of vodka while I am wet and freezing.There is no hope for me, my life is over. Thanks to hackers and the way I reacted people all over the world are in the process of destroying my life. They are in the process of getting me thrown in jail for a long time. I lack the strength to do it so I give up. […]

9/27/2014 5 comments

A question. Endless questions, endless thoughts.

by DeathGreeter 9/25/2014

written by DeathGreeter

If we all think as the same, does that mean we don’t have a thoughts of our own?

Why? Why does my mind keeps poping these unwanted thoughts uncontrollably? Is someone controlling me? I’m not saying I’m in any way of an importance for anyone to give a shit about me, but what the fuck is going on in my mind? Within trillions of strange brain waves gashing inside of my brain, what exactly is going on inside of my head? I have terrible chest pain. How am I supposed to feel better or be ”alright” if I all I do is want to jump off of a cliff […]

9/25/2014 0 comment

Just Walk….. Please.

by A Bridge Too Far 9/22/2014

written by A Bridge Too Far

Live, or rather, stuck on an island. No way to get back home. Was sitting on the beach last night. Early morn. Dark and deserted. Stars filling the wide sky. No real waves, just little ones lapping the shore, coming in from the black sea. No lights, no people no boats. Just me and my longing to see my daughter one last time in more than a decade. How I wish i could live. How I wish I could die.

Just walk into the dark waters. Just keep walking. Nobody there that will see, hear or rescue you. JUST FUCKIN WALK YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!!!

9/22/2014 9 comments

today for the first time in like 2 yr i felt like ripping my skin off myself. cutting my arms up from palm to armpit to remind myself what real pain feels like again. everything seems so backwards, theres no way forward apart from down, down, down. how am i supposed to move forward if everything i do gets ignored or pushed to the sidee. i just want a home, somewhere ill make my own, somewhere i can chill, somewhewre i can be myself. has that ever happened? i dont know what to do, i just dont.

by tma 9/21/2014

written by tma

9/21/2014 1 comment

It will not be today.

by BethChilds 9/20/2014

written by BethChilds

It is hot and sunny out. 12:30pm. I hate feeling this way when it looks like that outside. When it’s daylight. Feeling suicidal in the sense that it’s more comforting to think about suicide then it is to think about how awful and worthless I am, but I’m not sure I would actually attempt something.

I got a new job. A real job. Real money. Real benefits. I should be ecstatic right now…and I was yesterday. So much so that my head was completely spinning with lists. Things I need to do. Things I need to buy. Things I need to be. Spin spin spin. I […]

9/20/2014 2 comments

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