it’s a real love, that provides safe haven against all tragedies…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………i cannot tell him about the progeny of appolymous, ie, the mudd of sin that has left me sullied…..and what acts of deep, deep, deep dark injusticeits; Merriam Webster, latin origin; meaning fucking wrong, any philosophy, any pillar, any principle, will echo this sentiment….the deepest wrongs that have mutilated my soul (fuckin corny, fuckin clichĂ©, I know…I call creative liscence)…the worst of all, worst than the act, worser still than the lingering memory, worser still than the innocence that still lingered ( I still had some? news too me! no matter, it’s past slaughtered now)  he sits with me […]
some days I think of it less, today is a day that I am unable to give positive confirmation to…, the thought of it is so close, so close…if I were to sit still it would turn me into a fossil. it’s the landscape, it’s the atmosphere, when I breath it in, I can taste it on the roof of my life as I exhale, life isn’t so hard, just strap in and bleed if I only write the words that rush out like menses I don’t have to think to hard about what they might’ve ment, they’ve already been forgotten at their core. self […]
I have no one to talk to about this. My mother has d.i.d. I have known this for years, she’s been on meds, therapy, whatever.
I have never “seen” her like this. Delusional, i think she thinks we’re talking in person, IN AN EMAIL. She has told me they are increasing her meds. I can’t talk to her about this, because idk if she knows whats going on in the real world. I am 2500 miles away and would really appreciate some feedback. I have two emails I need an outsiders opinion.
This was totally not specific enough. […]
It’s not something as dramatic as suicide but I want your help.
The last three years, I have been in a very weird phase of my life. When I go outside , alone, I feel that people are thinking bad things of me and I feel that there is a big cloud over my head and they can see whatever I have on my mind. I am overweight and I eat unhealthy food with big ammounts on my plate. It’s not like I am a glutton but it’s like I force myself to eat it. I have never had a real friend. Noone that I could […]
This is the last fucking straw! I can’t get a known slum lord to rent to me because of my credit and my name change from a female name to a male name is surely the trigger that set him off, but he had already decided against renting to me before he even got my application. He didn’t look at anything. He just knew he didn’t want some freak there.
I’m too fat and ugly to ever be loved, laid, or even be accepted as a roommate. I’m destined to be homeless and alone and no one has any fucking idea what it’s like to be […]
I know that suicide and depression is not beautiful like they say, is not the rainy days or the grey world. I know that is not romantic or poetic. I know I am not a hero from a dramatic story. I know that in the day I kill myself there is no music or rain or all of that that happens in movies. I know that all. But I know too that the pain I feel is real and is killing me and that is the only real thing here. The stories I make, they are just ways of cope with this and release some […]
it sucks having no real friends đ I love all the people I meet in the internet, here, but at the end of the day we are alone. I live in a big city and its depressing. everyone has a great life and knowing I don’t its depressing. my so called friend called me a ‘deppresive person’ . I told him my story and it seems he doesn’t understand. I feel so alone. suicide I want that that carbon monoxide. im thinking about it over and over again. what do you believe after death? what are your beliefs? I’ve been told suicide is sin and […]
Round and round it goes in my head. Can’t kill myself. Can’t do that to my family. I owe them everything, and it would destroy them.
But can’t go on living with this overwhelming sadness. Can’t keep going through the motions. Can’t keep pretending I have a life. Can’t stand this longing anymore. Can’t go on being alone, but can never feel any real connection with anyone. Can’t keep hating myself, but can’t be anything better, no mattter how hard I try. Can’t keep fighting a battle I’m never going to win. Can’t bear to be the one who everyone pities anymore, a worthless loser. Can’t […]
I’m currently sitting at my desk catching up on SP and had a giggle at the earlier addiction post. There were some funny/entertaining posts by some great regulars.
Then i switch to news. Com.au and the real world is fkd. I see heart breaking headlines of shootings, oppressed north Korea, typhoon, angry mobs, transgender murder, isis blasts ancient temple, zimbabwe lifts hunting restriction and so on.
Such a depressing world.
But I’m glad i got sp. Here i can believe in the goodness of humanity.
i don’t understand why most people think the way they do. So let’s ask ourselves some questions…
Why do people find Saturday Night Live funny?
Why do news anchors call babies born without brains “miracles”?
Why is society so hung up on on the gay thing, yet don’t seem to worried about real threats such as pedophiles or rapists?
Why do all people universally stop believing in mythological creatures such as the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa, as children, but as adults still believe in God and Jesus?
Why can’t people produce good music anymore?
Why do people still think that a highly advanced alien spacecraft, advanced enough to […]
screwdriver. i like a phillips screwdriver. gets u fucked. star shaped for star children.
i dont do wodka straight unless i must. too many rough nights in 2013 shootin straight wodkuh. tonight imma enjoy this. it may very well be my last night. (: seriously i get intensely impulsive. i mever drink for the taste like a *****. i drink to get clobbered hammered and shit n pissfaced like a true alcoholic. drink drink drunk
glug glug glug me hearties
I recently started working temporarily at this store where they set “goals” for each employee as to how many garment bags they sell and how many new customers they can get signed up for the store’s rewards program. It’s all a load of crap if you ask me.
These don’t even deserve to be called “goals” because 1. I could name about 1000 things that are more worthwhile, 2. you get no kind of reward if you actually reach this goal, and 3. it’s entirely up to the customer, not you.
The best you can do is ask if they want the bag, ask if they want to […]
Well, I haven’t had a feeling of real sadness in a while. (About a year) idk.
I’m an atheist but sometimes I have to wonder, there must be a reason for all this shit I’ve/we’ve been put through, surely the universe and life isn’t all just a chance event and yet that’s what makes most sense, certainly compared to what any religion has to offer.
Conceived in a moment of lust, never asked to be born, don’t ask to be alive now, yet here I am, living and breathing, for what bloody reason. The people in this world create and destroy in equal measure, all the good there is, there seems to be an equal amount of evil to balance it all […]
i let everybody down.
my arrogance is to blame.
my over confidence,
as well as the disillusion of actually being able to excell at anything that would be useful.
what am i now?
nothing.
i have done nothing worthy of note
and yet i have managed to convince all who know me into thinking otherwise.
i am not intelligent
i am not good at sport
neither am i good looking or funny
i am the definition of a disappointment.
i will probably achieve nothing with my life.
I have come to terms with my lack of real importance
as well as all who i have […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I don’t know why I do the things is do. I don’t know why I think how I think. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive. I don’t know why I love with all my heart and soul. But in the process I’ve lost my dignity, my strength, and my manliness. I want to meet Jesus, assuming he’s my maker. When I do I’m going to ask him where I went wrong. I’m sure he’ll have no problem telling me how it is. I just hope he doesn’t banish me from eternal life because I pissed the one he gave me down my leg. Being […]
An adventure in a really strange land full of happy towns and dark valleys. Once you get off your village there is no way back and you must keep walking and walking until you have your feet in blood. If you get lost, oh dear, that is your end. The demons that live in the darkest valleys will follow you day after day, night after night, and at the most small sign of weakness they will eat you alive. You can truly believe that they are not real and they are not following you, but they are. They are so real like you. And once […]
I just stumbled upon that term today. I read up on nihilism before but Existential Nihilism basically holds that life does not have any real meaning or value. I started looking up nihilism when my aunt accused me of being one. When I read about it, it seems to follow my thought process. I see it as more of a neurologically built in philosophy
I just donât know what I have and I wished I never had visited that doctor. She said that I had âtoo much anxiety for normal situationsâ. I had social anxiety and she couldnât even say that name to my face. Then at home I searched about it because I didn’t trust her and I found out that possibly I had depression too, and now I can have BPD too. And at this point and just donât know if what I feel is truly real or maybe I get all the diseases I read about. I donât know what is real and what is not. […]