was the day you left me. It’s been over 3 years. I don’t know what to think. You told me if we were meant to be, it’d happen. I still believe you’re my soul mate, but I don’t know where you are, what you’re doing, how you are, or even if you’re alive. I know you needed to leave, I needed you to leave, but fuck you. You haven’t checked up on me once. I was fine for a while, I’ve gotten used to the fact. I barely remember what it’s like to have you in my life other than you made me the happiest […]
Hello i am a 21 year old boy with depression and anxiety problem.Wish i had known about this page years ago but no worries.ok here we go.I have always been a depressed kid since i can remember.i was kept in a school hostel since the age of 6 cause my parents had to go abroad to work.The hostel was worst.They gave bad food (worms in food,burnt,always potato) and on top of that they charged more money.The person incharge of looking after us was the most miserable person i have ever met,always beating us and taking whatever stuff our parents had sent via parcel.I can still […]
Happy birthday to the most beautiful and unique person I’ve ever met, I really love you, you know I’ll give everything for you, I want you to be happy and be fine. I know your heart is broken but I swear I can fix it if you let me try. I can try to make you happy. I love you so much. I swear. I wish I had the courage to tell you all this instead of writing it down where you can’t read it. You’re such a beautiful pain that I crave everyday. Even tho I know I’m broken I know that love can […]
Hey guys I had enough bullshit and stuff I don’t need. I have decide my suicide date. It’s on new years. But tbh I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can remember so I don’t need a reason to
Commit suicide, I need a reason not to if anybody cares they’ll try to stop me. If you do care message me on kik. My name is pleasedontgob. We’ll see from here
For the past 10 years I’ve have picked the same day to kill myself and I don’t know if I can make to that day this year. I dropped out of school when I was 16 and never been able to get a job. I can’t ask for help no matter how much I want to. Last year I showed my older brother the notes of suicidal thoughts and posted on Facebook I was having thoughts of suicide hoping someone would help me but no one did and everyonwe just forgot , know I’m at a the point were I don’t want any. I can’t […]
we are all humans we all make mistakes and learn from them ,but sometimes our big mistakes can lead us to depression . sometimes there are some mistakes that you can’t fix them and when you think about it you feel guilty and you start to hate your self!!!. but you can never fix a mistake by a bigger mistake (you can never fix your mistake by suicide).sometimes you really enjoy your time while making a mistake and you feel proud but we don’t know that this feeling will change and will regret it . and whenever we remember our mistake we start crying or […]
Believing in Jesus ultimately helped me. Not too long ago I was very suicidal and broke down. I prayed to God and asked him to help me. The next morning the morning news aired a story about TMS to treat depression. Soon after that I attempted to partake in a medical study that offers TMS for depression. I was screened out of the study which disappointed me and I never got the treatment that I cannot afford. Before the treatment I had to get off 2 medications I was taking to treat my depression. It made my condition worse. When I was screened out I […]
Ive have had suicidal thoughts for as long as i can remember but this time I’m really scared they are stronger and worst this time i try to think of another solution but it always ends up at just end it all. Everyone has something against me. They all blame me the people that i value so much are the ones who have hurt me the most i don’t want to tell them anything about my thoughts because i know they will feel sorry or call me even more stuff. I have someone who I’m currently dating i feel like he just stayed with […]
I think about killing myself every day. The things I’ve done. The things people have done to me. My life. I have no home, I couch surf to random people, exs who’ve hurt me but I’m so lonely I don’t even care. Too selfish to remember what I’ve done to them. I’ve cheated. I’ve lied. I hate myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am in so much debt. I was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago and almost died. I wish today that I would have. Or maybe I am and am already in hell.
I don’t really know how to start… this is the first time I talk with someone other than myself or my dog about my thought. I don’t really have anyone around me I am comfortable talking with. I feel as a complete disappointment both to myself and to my family. I guess to give a little bit of background I’m 25, live somewhere in Canada. I cant even remember the first time I thought about dying… looking back things seem to have been going down hill since I was 16. I can’t really remember the happy times, I can’t remember having fun, just being empty. […]
i felt hate towards everything. then i got mad at God. now i am just sad. I wont slip into despair this time. i just really wish i could cry. i have not shed a tear in years. i have wept with joy. i remember feeling that happy. i feel the urge, but tears wont come. meh…..
A constant question I ask.. How did I get here? How did I get to this empty dark place? A few ppl have said that I am not to blame for my past. But what if I fought harder to prevent all this torture I have now? What if I could’ve prevented the nightmares and seeing his face feeling his hands and his breath. Smelling his disgusting sweat and hearing his disturbing voice? What if I am the one to blame? I feel as though he shouldn’t get away with all he did while I sit and remember every last thing.. Yet he has no […]
It took 18 years to remember
You want five to forget
Forget about it.
I never thought I could survive to college. I never saw myself in a dorm. I never saw friends.
But I did. I didn’t live in a dorm. I rented a two-bedroom house with a fenced yard for my two adopted dogs. I went to class. It’s my fifth year in school, and yeah my past caught up to me, and yeah I had a few slip-ups, but I am going to graduate in May with honors- a GPA above 3.0.
So why?
Why do I want to die now?
Of all times, places, people, memories, why now?
I […]
Sometimes I’m so tired. I can’t focus my eyes. I barely sleep. My days are a chain of endless blurs. I don’t remember much. I smoke because it makes me feel tough like a soldier fighting a war. Every moment is a battle. It is sometimes perforated by bits of light or a funny moment. I cling to it as it fades and slips through my fingers like the vapor of something once solid.
I’m so tired of everyone. All the obligations and responsibilities I inevitably have being the oldest child. Though I don’t think I am a child anymore. I have so many expectations to constantly live up to, and when I don’t, I become a failure in my familys eyes. I have a habit of not finishing what I start. School, by some miracle I graduated, though I wasn’t allowed to attend graduation or promotional because instead of expelling me, they just told me to not come back the last month of school in order to get my diploma. I went to the military after that. I […]
A little time ago I tried to kill myself.
I was taking these meds for depression and anxiety and also some kind of sleeping pills, ’cause I was feeling really bad. I have abandoned school and I’ve spent my days sleeping, crying, talking with my therapist, doing to myself all kind of self harm, drinking all night and things like these.
I was afraid of the night, ’cause even if my mother was trying to take care of me ’cause she knew everything, at night I was somehow always alone. When everyone slept I was always still there, facing my demons in the dark, trying not to […]
I want a mom, a mom who cares for me a mom who loves me, i just need support from her, caring and loving that’s all i want. Someone who can just sit around tell me how much there proud of me, someone who looks at me like i was worth something, someone who believes and me and that don’t trow me away like a piece of shit over school grades… Mom what did i ever did to you, i’m sorry i was born, i’m so sorry, i know you regrets it, you’ve told me so many times, i see it, i know it, Mom […]
I’m not really sure how to start this, honestly ten minutes ago I didn’t see myself writing anything at all. You search something on Google and end up on a website, just reading posts. As the title suggests this is just me rambling…reminiscing…ruminating…for a lack of a better word just babbling. Madman Joseph at your service.
Throughout my life I can’t really recall a specific time when I’ve been happy, I’m sure most of us can relate to that. Though more specifically I can’t remember when my happiness wasn’t a result of something someone had done for me. It’s almost as if my happiness depends on […]
I have had depression as long as I can remember, I am 36 years old and was recently diagnosed with treatments resistant depression. I have always told my husband that it didn’t matter what medication I was on, my depression always comes back. That diagnosis was why and the last thing I needed to hear. I am now even more hopeless that, yet again, new meds seemed to be working but have now stopped.
I am a nurse and I know there are many treatments/meds etc to try but I have tried so much, I see a psychiatrist monthly and a therapist weekly as well as […]
i recently took in a stray cat…..he’s all old and crochety and sweet and has one eye missing….it took awhile to gain his trust, but now he’s purring at my feet…it’s very rewarding and theraputic……i came upon this site like a week ago, i was doing a bunch of research on suicide methods……i have 3 really awesome people in my life, and i’m daft as fuck but i realize it’s 3 more than some…….but i have some health problems, it hurts to move sometimes….so i do alot of drugs, socially acceptable in my case of course, which somehow makes it worse……i’ve also had some things, […]