Hi yesterday my husband came home late again when I called him he didn’t answer my calls so when he came I had locked the door so when I opened he started making noise at me when confroted him he told I had no right to ask him and their is no where was written that he only had to be with me n that I was also free to go out with whoever I wanted I got angry and asked if he wanted me to look for someone to take care and love me and my 4 kids he said that he was wondering […]
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right
Fuck, I hope this video brings you to tears like it did for me. I’m feeling pretty emotional right now because I’ve made it farther than I ever thought I would. Today begins my goal to train for a half marathon in September. Run this with me. Set some sort of goal for yourself with me. Whether it’s as simple as waking up a bit earlier or whatever comes to mind. Just challenge yourself. I’m going to kill this. Let’s kill it together.
This is the last place that I’m willing to share my thoughts. I’m tired of trying to help people understand how I feel about life; it’s a waste of a breath. As a self-professed nihilist, one of the big rules that I live by is that “it doesn’t matter what other people know”. Trying to convince anyone of anything is a waste of breath. Just leave them all to their own meaningless thoughts and I’ll stick to mine.
But here, I’m as close to being around comrades as I’ll ever be. Even though I feel half dead from a viral infection in my chest, that
no matter if you commit suicide or die of natural causes in old age, the end result is the same: you will die in the end! Nature is cruel, heartless, and incredibly restrictive. For example, nature says the Ebola virus, which has no good function whatsoever, is more important than a child’s life. To me this is a horrible reality. No wonder people make up gods and believe in an afterlife. I however, do not because I am a man of observation. I can not look truth in the eye and deny it without being delusional and ignorant.
All all we are is meat. Most brains […]
It’s okay to feel sad.
It’s okay to feel unwanted and lonely.
It’s okay to feel tired.
Afterall, pain is only temporary, right? And so is everything. Nothing lasts forever. Things only last long enough.
<3 y'all
I figured since this is where we met that it’s only fitting that I write you something beautiful here. Everything comes full circle and I pray that as I let you go – you will come back to me at the right time. I do love you but you are in love with someone else. You say you still love me but your heart is in his hands right now. I hold onto you in an unhealthy way right now. I hold onto parts of my past for comfort and security instead of setting my sights on the limitless possibilities ahead of me. My […]
Wow, off topic right?
Well if anyone needs a cheer up, Bleach is on Netflix. Also a lot of other anime.
Everyone always gives me such weird looks whenever I talk or do something. I just say stuff, it’s a constant stream of shit. All because of my anxiety, talking just saying anything is a coping mechanism. People think I’m fucked in the head and they’re right. My actions are also mainly from anxiety, me constantly freaking out and just doing/saying different things because I don’t know any other way to cope except for drugs and self-harm and they’re probably not too good(?). I think I’m gonna flip out tomorrow, I can feel it, it’s not going to be a good day. I kinda feel like […]
I know that most of you don’t know my story or what I’ve been through and what I’m going through now, the thing is, my story is a little too long, but right now…I just need help…my parents keep dragging me down and day by day my suicidal thoughts grow bigger and bigger and bigger…I’m just about ready to put on my black dress, my white floral heels, my floral black net leggings, do my hair and make-up, right a good bye note to my family and take the bottle of pills I’ve been stashing up, 197 of them 20mg each, that’s 3,940mg in me, […]
So, I watching pretty little liars with my sister right now, I have to be quick. If there are typos im sorry. So, I have been taking sertraline(Zoloft) for the last year, and I just forgot to take it the last week. I haven’t thought about suicide at all, and I looked it up to see if the medication had any effect. I couldn’t get a clear answer, so I’m asking now If Zoloft could have any effect on me. Thanks.
I don’t know why it’s so hard to survive in this world. It’s not fair. The rich people live easily and they don’t have to worry and I have to struggle every damn day. It’s hard and I’m trying to carve out a path for myself. Sometimes I wish I was never born. I think it might’ve been easier. I don’t have to struggle to find full time work, I don’t have to pay bills, and I don’t have to worry about anyone. When I think about it I think I’ve suffered from depression on and off for a long time. I’ve contemplated suicide on […]
So, I found out for the first time in 20 years that I was right.. Being married did NOT give him permission.
When I said NO and when I was asleep and woke up with him on top of me it was NOT consensual.
Multiple times over a long span of time I lived in Hell because it was his ‘right’ as my husband.
FUCK YOU – YOU LOUSY MISERABLE SONOFABITCH – HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME? HOW DARE YOU!
HATE and ANGER and DEPRESSION and MISERY and its all because of YOU, YOU BASTARD
I want to SCREAM – all these fucking years like this because I WAS […]
I don’t honestly do not know why I am even writing this. Big brother can watch me have my nervous breakdown, I guess. It was not at all in my intentions to be one of those people who threaten their selves with their lives when things get hard. That’s weak, right? Although, I’m struggling to understand that, it makes your mentality to have strenuous strength to cope with the inevitability. Here’s the kicker, I am 16. I haven’t even lived to have the urge to end it, right? Ahhhhhhh, or maybe it could be the raging hormones and the typical teenage babble like, he said […]
You told her you hate her
And want her to die
So she thinks to herself
Maybe you’re right
I should just take this knife
And bleed once again
One scar turns to 5
And 5 into 10
And now thanks to you
She’s given up on her life,
Do She reached for the bottle
And took many a pill
But you never hated her
Or want her to die
But now it’s too late
Cause she went home and thought
Suicide!
Why is that I feel so scared and so paranoid now that he’s cheated on me twice. I feel as if I were back in when I had a abusive relationship but different. Why is that I feel that way? Is there something wrong with me? I mean I could just trust him again. But I’m scared to do that. Like what if he does it again. What if my friends are right? What if I am just letting him get away with it? Help me please I dont know what to do or feel . I should let it go shouldn’t I ?
Not sure how to go back.
To the time and place of contentment.
Always looking forward to something.
Sanguine.
Fastforward. Decades pass.
Alone and disconnected.
Betrayed by God
Not having the common decency to exist.
Just as well. Turns out, he’s a dick.
Betrayed by life partner.
A wound that will never heal.
Powerless to trust or forgive.
The cyclops has no will to live.
It’s ironic, really. I helped people for most of my life, be it in person or on the web, trying to get them to rethink their life choices, telling them it’s all right, and that suicide isn’t the answer. I guess now I know how they felt when the foot is on the other shoe. I truly am weak, pathetic, and stupid, and I have just proved them right.
I will be ending it shortly tomorrow. I have made letters stating my amends with all individuals I have wronged in my life and a goodbye letter to my love. My worldly possessions will be given away […]
When the sun goes down
and the sky is full of stars
Would you let me in
would you hold me thigh
When its dark inside
and i cant find myself
Would you call my name
and make it feel alright
When i fall back down
would you bring me up
would you kiss me right
and make me feel ALIVE
_Y.T
Where do I start?
In a way I feel I have no right to be here. I’ve tried talking to others but repeatedly told my problems aren’t as bad as my sisters. Just first born problems I guess, feeling sorry for myself. I can’t fuck-ass around anymore, this is reality. As if I need to be told. Is my parent’s divorce reality enough? How about my sisters cutting, real enough for ya? how about not being able to sleep without feeling guilty about something: being a burden to my dad, an ungrateful daughter to my psychotic mum(emotional blackmailer, physically abusive to my sister and dad, compulsive […]
There are so many things running through my head i might not make much sense, as I always do whenever I get suicidal. Actually saying that I’m suicidal actually makes me feel real juvenile for some reason, because I keep telling myself that I’m too old to run away from things like this. But truth be told, I’m just really scared of my life turning into nothing and having no point in life. I’m just really scared of my life right now, because I can literally feel it unraveling, because of who I am (and who I am NOT to be more precise).
I’ve always thought […]