I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I get so upset over everything these days, when I’m at school I nearly start crying, I’ve been going home from school and haven’t been staying the whole day because I don’t feel like I belong. my best friend has just became my friend now because she’s started hanging out with a new girl and it doesn’t feel right. I just feel so alone and like I have no one.
What the hell is wrong with me, I can’t even get death right. I’m so fucked right now, I’m still alone and fucking hungry! How and when does it stop?! I don’t know if I’m just too nice or stupid. On top of it all, I’ll be homeless in a few days, I don’t have a place for my dog to go, and I just got robbed by a guy asking for a quarter!!!! A fucking quarter!!! I only had 3 dollars!!!! I want to die because my lonliness is heavy on my heart and my head now. What is there to do now?!! I […]
My life has been layed out for me since I got out of middle school. “Take these classes” “Join this” “volunteer there” and I never had a say in anything. Recently I just got a tattoo. I am now a high school graduate. My mom found out and all hell broke loose. Of course being the person that I am I just sat there took all the beatings, and verbal abuse because in her mind I ruined myself. She told me to stop hanging out with everyone I’m friends with, don’t contact them anymore, and she took away my chance to go to Virginia for […]
I think we all ask ourselves is what if we just hold on one more day, one more week, etc. It’s that natural survival question we all ask ourselves, and it’s probably while we are all still here today. I know it’s why I am. Those lonely nights I had dozens of bottles of stockpiled medications sitting right near my bedside, those nights I had access to firearms, those nights where I could’ve jumped off a tall building. I’m still here because I still have that survival instinct asking me what if? What if things get better one day? I know it’s not going to […]
We all die at some point even if no one wants to think of it that way. Why is it so wrong that I know the time and place? Why is it so wrong that I choose to release myself? People will say what they will when I’m gone but it will fall on deaf, dead, ears. We all say goodbye eventually…why did we as a human race turn death into something so taboo? When did we decide that denying death’s presence is natural? It’s so intertwined with life and I refuse to look away. I wish I could go with dignity in a peaceful […]
I’ve been wanting to die for quite a while now, and It’s not that I’ve lost all my friends, or that I have some illness, traumas or whatever. And that makes me sad. Sad because I want life to never have started, but I have no real reason to want that.
Well, I hate the options of future I have right now. I’m enrolling on engineering, but have disliked it since the first half. I like music quite a lot, and have tried a few instruments, but I came to realise that I don’t have the time to master any instrument and make a living […]
At the age of 14, in my first year of highschool, I tried to take my life. I hid under a bridge, without anyone knowing in the morning on October 27th, and I swallowed 60+ pills. The pills were pills that I was prescribed to from my doctor. Before all this, I was clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I had thought that I would get better, but seemingly, I did not. So, that morning, I took pills, and waited. My legs were numb, and I was freezing cold. My whole body was slowly shutting down, and I could feel every little part of it […]
Im not being abused or anything terrible like some people are. So why am I so tired and it’s hard to get up out of bed in the morning because it’s hard.. It really is.. Every day looking in the mirror and seeing something I really hate.. Maybe I’ll get prettier in the future… No .. I don’t see any boys busting down the for me.. My sister constantly tells me I’m ugly… And the terrible thing is she’s right… I hope someone comes on this site and reads my post and it makes a difference in their life.. Sometimes I cut my arms legs […]
I hate my life. But the thing is I don’t want to die. Not really. Underneath the desperation, depression, and self-loathing I am stubborn and curious. I don’t think I can have it–a better life.
I was abused as a kid. My dad is a heroin addict, my mother an incredibly embittered alcoholic. They did things to me…things I can’t get over.
I am supposed to be over it. Supposed to slap a smile on for the sake of everyone else. Never talk about my ptsd, my depression, what happened. It makes people uncomfortable. And hey, better I be shamed for my feelings and alone then someone […]
Haven’t posted anything in a few days. I just don’t even know how I feel right now. I’m so tired. Yesterday I went to the beach with my family and some friends. Today I went to the pool.
I know, it sounds like I do enjoy every minute of my life. I admit, although I hate my life, there are times when I have some fun.
But even when I was having fun this weekend, I still kept thinking about how those people would remember me after I killed myself.
He is the only thing keeping me going these days. He tells me I’m special and how much he cares for me, what I’m worth, he puts a real smile on my face (the only person who can)… Without out him I wouldn’t be writing this I wouldn’t be here right now. If it wasn’t for his daily words of encouragement I would have taken my life or my mother would have locked me in the insane asylum a long time ago… But thanks to the one person who took the time to understand the time to pay attention and listen. Thanks to him I […]
Everyday is a constant battle with myself – Somedays, I feel like I have a whole army behind me ready to fight and feeling hopeful and most of the days, I’m fighting alone and the only right thing to do is surrender.
I feel guilty about everything I did and didn’t do. I’m failing so hard at life right now. I spent £150 on an exam retake, it’s in three weeks time and I’ve practically done zero revision. I was feeling fine when I paid for it, I thought I could do it.. Now.? I feel like shit, feel guilty about eating, I don’t deserve to have food. So many people have it worse than me and they don’t loose their motivation. I’m such parasite and a waste of space. I couldn’t even keep a job. My parents do too much for me. I’m too old to […]
I can’t sleep…but I’m so tired. I’ve been lying in bed for a long-time just thinking. I want to just go for a walk right now. It’s after midnight and there’s a curfew in my town but I have this urge to just walk around town. I want to pass the place I plan to die at…just pass it. If I get caught by the cops that would not be good though because I have no good excuse.
God, you made my soul filthy. That’s why I was inappropriately touched as a kid, that too by parents especially by mom. I am still ashamed about it. Bullied and verbally abused by other kids at School, Colleges and social circle. Now tell me why you made it such a hell?? You made sure I am stuck with my parents and don’t know whether I am made to get married and throw another child into same hell. I was failed academically despite being a good student. Again it’s because my soul is filthy and I don’t deserve success. I am sure you don’t want any […]
really not feeling the whole being alive thing right now
I don’t know. I’m really different. I have a lot of problems with myself. I always have to battle my inner self. I mean that’s something I always have to deal with. I always have to fight it.
My emotions play a big role in my life. In a way they pretty much control everything I do or say. Like if I’m placed in a sad situation my pity and my own problems affect what I do or say. I cry or I feel my “hole” opening.
My “hole” is literally a really dark hole I feel right between my throat and my chest that opens up […]
ok so im an atheist myself but i find it hard to understand why most atheists find it necessary to bash religious people is it that hard to except the fact that other people have just as much of a right to believe what they want as you do if you think about it in the long run we all have the same problem after death religious people will not if know they were wrong and atheists will not know if we were right and on the same note religious people will know if they were right and atheists will know if we were wrong […]
Well I tried cutting for the first time today……
I thought that maybe since it helps a lot of people with their problems one way or another it might help me.
Well, it didn’t.
I was so freaked out.
At first it looked like the blade didn’t do anything but then my skin started opening and you could see this white layer right under my skin and blood wouldn’t stop coming out.
I know, it’s kinda gross.
I’m sorry if I just made you feel sick but I had to tell someone.