you know when you feel lower than everyone? your grades are not that high that no one lets you take a decision because they think youre too young… that everyone around you is aloud to tell you what you shouldnt do or be or even like, while you arent aloud to discuse with them….I’m here … lying in my bed thinking again about suicide… yes im sick of life like everyone! i’ve started to think about suicide since 6th grade… now im in secondary 4 … in overall i have problemes everywhere… whatever i may do people around me get dissapointed and if i do […]
Tag:
Rope
I can’t take my life anymore,I feel like I can’t talk to anyone.When I’m with my ‘friends’ no one can see behind my fake smile and laugh they never think twice about me I’m just the one in the back that nobody cares about.When I’m with my sister she blackmails me and screams at me,my mom yells at me too and is always fighting with my dad,and my dad always ignores me and leaves the house every time he argues with my mom.I can’t decide what’s worse school or home nobody cares in either place and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope because nobody seems […]
To A Breathless Oblivion by The Black Dahlia Murder
the chair’s been kicked a rope tied to the rafters
blue faced and broken necked I sigh
relieving my vision from the sick mocking stare
of that hated sun burning the sky
slumped like a headless scarecrow
cold and limp against the wall
blood paints a pattern of rorschach’s design
thawing the winter that burdens this heart
shit stained and shameful
an exit in disgrace
not a splash but just a ripple left
I end this life in vain
in vain
in the dead of the darkness I breach the still lake
toward the reflection of […]
I recently got accepted for a college course which starts next Monday but just this morning they contacted me saying there was a problem with my application and I’m no longer accepted for the course. I actually felt like my life had a point again up until now. Now its gonna be another 6 months sitting in the dark watching other people enjoy their lives. Back to the emptiness of feeling nothing but hate and shame. Oh well. Somehow I doubt I’ll be around after those 6  months. I’ve simply had enough. Also in my previous post I mentioned not being able to kill myself because of my mum. […]
So. Its my 20th birthday, yet life isn’t anymore exciting. I tried everything; moving away, moving back, sex, drugs, its all not working. I took the nursing program so my mom would just get off my back. Drew, my boyfriend and I moved into the basment at dads. Its been great for the first few months, but everything is getting so boring and life is becoming so repetetive. Yesturday is clashing with today, and no doubt tomorrow. Well I guess its time to go out, I’m almost 20.
I meet up with Sam and Sie, and I try my most authetic smile, because though they’re […]
i have had three attempts.
!. od on vicodin, got sick, pain for over a week following, think i did permanent liver damage
2. od on ativan/ambien, friend called 911, transport to hospital, don’t remember much, forced to drink charcoal, hospitalized in mental ward
3. strangulation, friend found me, cut tube off my neck, damaged throat & had difficulty swallowing
if i try again i am going to drink a lot of alcohol, take a bottle of of ativan & hang myself from a bridge near my house. i have the rope and i have been practicing tying noose knots. i’m pretty good at it now.
i think my body is telling me to die. when i am riding my motorcycle, i tend to lose myself in imagining that i crash at the road, lifeless body, or hit a trunk of a tree with a branch piercing my heart. when i in a trance like that, my body tends to press the oil even harder, making more speed. i smiled everytime i skidded a little on the road.
i have a couple of friends that i always hang out with in order to release pent up stress but now i felt that my mind is going crazier by the minute. when my […]
Hello. I’m new to this site. I saw it as a beacon, almost. Let me tell you a bit about myself.
I’m 14 years old, I’m bulimic, I have two brothers, and I tried to kill myself when I was 13 years old.
The bulimia didn’t develop until recently, since after the suicide attempt I was as self- loathing as ever. My brothers contribute highly to my depression. My older brother is seeing a girl whom I don’t want him to see, since I was friends with this girl at one time but she ended up molesting me. He knows about this, yet he continues to see […]
Things, for lack of a better word, have not been well. A year ago, I met the woman of my dream, an angel, true beauty. We were married and the wine began to flow. I’d find myself needing to leave bars, having put down more whisky and xanax than any normal man should. One night, while in a drunken rage, I did the unspeakable, a slapped that beautiful woman. The look of sadness and pain in her eyes is still etched in my brain. I was arrested and sentences to some alcohol classes. The drinking worsened to the point that we started staying apart several […]
I dont need someone to feel sorry for me, i just need someone to listen. From what i remember, its as if ive felt depressed every single day since i was a young teenaged boy. Its become my consistent personality that i dont know what its like to be confident, self driven or what it feels like to make someone else happy anymore. i used to just deal with my depression just like it was a part of me, but it was only last year that i started experiencing depression that made me anxious and taht i couldnt control. My mental state was very severe, and i had a strong compulsion to dash […]
If you saw me , met me, got to know me, the last impression you would get from me would be of suicidal tendacies and an evergrowing dependency on otc drugs for helping me sleep or feel good through through the day. Basically I am well mannerred well behaived outwoodly happy like socialble enough to make you believe im basically — ok..    However, I dont remember the last time I was happy. Infact I dont remember even if I ever was happy. I no how to pretend to appear happy. Thats not happy though. I have had friends. Good friends with families that have helped […]
People used to tell me not to cry for someone, for they are not worth your tears. The one who was worth your tears would have never made you cry. I didn’t believe in that sh*t. I met this person, and fell madly in love with him because of how kind and caring he was. I was certain we would always be together, because we always talked about getting married and having kids. Mind you, I’m 16, and he’s 18. So yes, we were young. But I loved him. While we were together, I was constantly getting bombed by my all too perfect stepmother about […]
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