Despite being around such “happy” people, I cant help but feel lonely and empty. A person who I thought of as a brother died in the Summer and while everyone else is still upset about him, I am the only person who can’t let go. I just can’t. I still cry myself to sleep evey night.
I do hope one day I’ll succeed in my suicide attempts. Then both of us can be at… Peace. I just wish that would happen. All my problems, along with me, would just float away.
Tag:
Sadness
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what’s wrong, and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the […]
Somebody in my philosophy class last semester suggested that maybe life is hell. She said, look at all the suffering and pain, doesn’t it seem sort of hellish the things that so many people have to go through? I didn’t know what to think then but now I believe her. This feels like hell, it hurts like hell. The emotional pain I have experienced as a result of depression is absolutely indescribable. There are no words. The feeling of wanting to die is so strong at times that it terrifies me. I know I am capable of acting on it. But I can’t, because I […]
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]
I do not want this. I want to be somewhere else. I understood I can’t deal with love. I can’t love, I can’t love the way you do. The way I love is: I live him/her, that means I should leave him/her alone so that person can be happy. When I feel the “I want to be with you” love it’s pretty weird, because all I want is just run away, I feel like I want to throw up.
My doubts have been confirmed; my dad is an alcoholic. He’s as depressed as I am, and he wants this back to normal. I miss being a […]
At Age ten I lost connection with the world when I started talking again to my father who was in jail at the time and I haven’t seen in person at the age of four before we moved from our Arizona home all the way to North Carolina. I was told but my mom that she can’t trust me and that I had betrayed her. Our relationship has plummeted to the ground. As I type this shes sitting across the room looking at me every once and a while at me wondering what I’m typing, and she’s probably thinking real hard about something stupid because I’ve lost the love towards her. My step dad whose been put trough […]
I am so sad and confused; I’m engaged to marry someone that I don’t know if I truly love -it’s terrible. I hate my life; when is this going to get better for me? Everyday, I’m so exhausted having to pretend that I’m ok when I’m not – that alittle part of me dies… I’m not happy but am worried that if I leave, my life will be terrible – I don’t know what I’m doing anymore… I don’t know what I want or what to do –
I am never good enough. first its school, then its at home, and now my friends. I hate drugs, absolutely hate them and my best friend got this boyfriend who made her int a big ass druggy and now its my fault that her and our other “friends” call me a loser because i don’t do it with them. i changed my Facebook profile picture to me and my boyfriend at prom with her and her ex boyfriend saying “I miss this..” because that was the last time we ever hung out because now shes too busy. (on my birthday i invited her and her […]
I just took a bunch of pills. my first time attempting suicide.. we’ll see how this goes. I don’t feel anything, not sadness or fear. Just need relief. Night everyone.
I’ve been planning to commit suicide for more than a decade. Life is meaningless to me. I have no interest in doing anything. Why we need to live if we all will die one day eventually.
I’ve told my best friends and parents about my thoughts many times, the only thing that keeps me alive is that I don’t want to hurt my parents. However, this makes me feel more depressed and at one point I thought I should wait till they left before I could end my own life, but I’ve no idea how long I can wait.
I’m a spoiled kid, I got whatever I […]
I lie awake at night and i think back when i saw razor blades and i was tempted to buy one. But i decided not too. I look back and think to myself “Why did not I buy it? Why did i stop myself” And i thought to myself there are no heroes, no one will save you from your depressing life. You have to be your own hero and save yourself. Because no one else will, and no one else will try, and as i lay here in bed i think to myself ” I am my own hero and I will save myself”
Hello. This will most surely be my one and only post that I will ever do on this or any website but I felt impulsed to do this. I’m not sure if anyone will care.. but I just want to let out how I feel. My life has always been difficult. With an abusive stepdad and a mother that prefered him over her own blood.. but these last 2 years have been unbearable I cannot take it anymore. My life is complete sadness.. the only good thing I had was my one love. My girl, my future (which I thought)… but now I have finally […]
If I told you would you understand? If I told you what I’ve done, would you love who I am? I chose the wrong things in everything, choosing nothing in the end. Run, run, running away. Sleep, dream, waiting for the good just to fall into my hands. Love left me in its dust, lust drove by and picked me up. It forced me back to my feet by cutting out my heart and leaving my soul to die. I tried to find the answers in half truths, but they only told me lies. I tried to kill my pain but each cut brought it […]
And into the world stared these gleaming blue eyes
Which she saw past its dimension and only despised
This beauty she portrayed everyone had seen
But disguised sadness she made it serene
The greatest flaw that had filled her heart
Perfection only the beginning, just the start
With blonde stringy hair she curled her hand into a fist
Glass mirror she had feared, now stareing at her wrist
The pale white skin was now deep within her reflection
An enemy she had seen, with this girl had no connection
Tears streamed down and began to hit the sink
Matched the blood that seeped now combining to pink
Cutting she thought was her only escape
From the horrid memory of her Elusive rape
The outer […]
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a young woman from work who committed suicide. She was 24, exceptionally talented, well-travelled, enthusiastic, professional and extremely insightful with a social conscience and maturity years beyond her age. Was this woman’s experience similar to mine? I am in my late twenties. When I was 21 I attempted suicide. To others, I had everything to live for. I was healthy and athletic, I’d been accepted into a highly competitive course at a prestigious university, and my family was loving and supportive. Those around me did not understand the course of my depression and anxiety, and despite my efforts to […]
I am waking up every day not wanting to do anything but sleep. I push myself to do the things I need to do. I remember learning that the key to overcoming depression is to keep on with your routines. I don’t really agree. There is this hollowness that comes with each day, I smile, I laugh, I behave kindly, I turn the other cheek, I maintain composure, I stifle and stifle…
And I feel dead. I come home to my flat and lay down. Sometimes, I’ll watch a show or read. Sometimes, I’ll spend a few minutes sharing pleasantries with a “friend”. Sometimes, I might […]
I see him everywhere i go
and never does he leave me alone
he was there at the very first time when stuff went down
he was there when miles got shut down , yeah i seen him , with my owe eyes .
he even watched me lose my mind.
laughing , with a happy smile.
when you walk the road he walks with you ,hes part of your shadow,so real and true
hes always round the corner , looking out,watching when the sun sets and when the moon shines.
at moments of despair he sees me ,watching out
ready to catch me,at this moment of weakness
ready to drop hes prey , he […]
Well, this is my first time posting on something like this. I’m not exactly sure how to start, but here goes nothing.
Hi there. I’m sixteen years old and I should be happy. I have a decent family, a decent home, a wonderful school, and a few close friends. I come from a long line of women who have a chemical imbalance which causes depression. Low levels of serotonin influence my moods negatively, according to the doctor. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, it’s actually quite common in women/teenage girls. In my opinion? It’s just another excuse to drug us and take our […]
Let me just begin by saying that i have contemplated suicide many times in my life time, mostly during my adolescence, but just recently also. I have been observing this page for a few days, and have been reading all of your posts.
I happened to stumble upon this article while searching near death experiences, and was amazed and humbled by the words so much that i began to cry. (not from sadness, but from the pure warmth of peace) I hope this brings you peace, and if not peace, a better understanding on why you are here now, and why we all MUST suffer sometimes… […]