I don’t know why I am so alone in every way, well actually I suppose I do, it’s just that I have been repressing it for far too long- out it comes now, oh dear:
The people who tell you that things change when people grow up and you go from lower to higher schools and onwards are not always right. People might change, but their attitudes towards those who were once 11 year old outcasts remains… and even if it isn’t verbalised, hostility is an emotion easy to pick up on when directed at you, it truly is. Do you know what it’s like […]
When I saw the words ‘someday, all this pain will be worthwhile’ one time, then many other times on countless blogs, I would just shake my head, and silently disagree that my sadness would come to nothing, except perhaps recovery, then more nothing. But I recently realised that my pain has helped one aspect of my life: I am writing again. And what I am writing is good. Sure, it’s just a few very short and broken stories with loose plots and screwed up people, but that’s okay. Because what I’ve written is good. It’s not happy, but it is real and I’m pleased with […]
People toss around words like “hate” and “love” pretty often and yet they don’t know what either truly feels like. I thought I knew what hate was at one point, but I got over it and let it go. Then I met someone who caused me the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life. There hasn’t been a day in all these years I haven’t thought of that person, I dream about them, I think about them often enough when I wake up, during the day, and especially at night. Sometimes I picture resolving things with them but that’s extremely rare and not possible […]
It all started in September of 2010. Two years ago. We met.. He fell for me, and i didnt fall quite as hard for him. I was in a terrible relationship at the time, and he tried to save me.. But try was all he could do.. because i was too stubborn to listen to anyone. Little did i know, he was so in love with me.. it was literally killing him. After my .. lets say “rejection” towards him, he got involved with a girl who would call him saying “Im cutting as we speak.” “If you dont say the right thing in the […]
The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was eleven. Â My father was the only person I had in the world, and he had died in spring. Â I went to the school for advanced kids and we did a great deal of independent reading. Â I’d learned about hypothermia. Â I waited until a very cold winter day with feet upon feet of snow. Â I put on my turquoise fur coat, which was the nicest thing I had. Â I knew it would also make it look like an accident. Â I chose a perfect time at night and laid out in the snow.
Needless to say, […]
I’m so numb, I wish I knew when I was going to be completely happy. I hate all this sadness, constant hurt and pain, constant dullness. I am depressed and no one even knows. That hurts the most.
“You are never a loser until you quit trying.”
“Keep trying, even when you want to give up for miracles are real”
“Never the let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present”
“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.”
“One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.”
“Nobody can take away your pain, so don’t let anyone take away your happiness.”
“Stop trying to escape your reality, change it. Your past doesn’t define your future.”
“The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us […]
Did some chores earlier and I’m drained. Windex, Pine Sol, Soap and Pledge all help make cleaning possible. Also make the lungs burn with a mask on to boot. I’m feeling tired and a tad weak. The kind of tired that you’re unable to sleep. Add onto that some anxiety. This brain takes a lot to quiet it down and the solution is to overwork till I can no longer hold a lot of weight. Till my heart pounds like I’ve done a dash. Till my hips feel like water. Thankfully I didn’t do that kind of work. The kind that aggravates the hips. But […]
Okay, well this is my story..
I’m quite young and I’m broken. I’m depressed and suicidal, clearly.. and i selfharm. I put on the fakest smile every single day. I’m miserable, I just want to be dead, to be free, to be happy. I have tried to take my own life many times, I don’t really have a massive story. But my depression has taken over me, my self eestem is horrible, I can’t leave the house without crying, I’m horribly fat and aswell so ugly. I hate leaving the house because I usually don’t have the nicest clothes because i’m not rich, my family struggles […]
We are children of constant sorrow living in a fallen world, for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the
rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high place.
“As I walk this land of broken dreams
I have visions of many things
But happiness is just an illusion
filled with sadness and confusion
What becomes of a brokenhearted
who had love that’s now departed
I know I’ve got to find
some kind of piece of mine, baa-aaaaby
The roots of love grow all around
But for me they come tumble all down
Every day,heartaches grow a little […]
I feel empty. I thought I could be happy for a least a couple years before another tragedy came my way; but I
guess I was wrong. Five years ago on November of 2007 was the one month of my life where i was truely and completly happy.
I had my family, health, love, and my first love. Everything was great until December when my youngest sister passed away
caused of a drunk driver. From that day until today I wish it had been me instead of her. My family went through dark times. The day
of the accident, an hour before the events I […]
I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read this post.
My whole life, I have felt two things: loneliness and the hatred towards myself.
Why do I hate myself?
I am not smart. I am not good looking. I am not talented in anything at all.
I really am useless.
I have classmates telling me, I can’t do anything right; leaving me out of the social life. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I end up seeing pitch black of nothing, my existence shouldn’t exist in the first place.
I have read a numerous amount of quotes motivating me to never give up, […]
Hey all,
I know this forum isn’t the best place for this post, but I just wanted to talk to someone and tell someone how I feel.
It was a pretty busy day for me. I talked a lot to other people ( 2 persons). But when I came home today I felt so down and depressed. I don’t know why, but somehow I lost interest in life. Every second day I feel so depressed for no particular reason. I don’t think I am depressed or suffer from an other brain illness, its just that I put my life in a state where I disconnected absolutely from […]
im trying to force my way through today to be positive, my friend recently moved out of my house and she lives quiet a way away now and i really miss her, my brother also moved even furthur away recently. i really miss being able to easily hang around with them, they were my reasons for waking up, they still are, its just abit more difficult. i feel kind of lost, i like being around people when the black cloud of deppresion isnt horribly distorting who i am. so im going to try and go outside today, even if its just walking around in my […]
For those of you still reading my story, I thank you. This story I’m telling is a little bit like closer for this chapter in my life. And I hope that reading all this isn’t as bad for you as I am typing it.
In the end of my relationship with my friend, I had reached my boiling point with my friend and her mother. I had told my friend that enough was enough and that her mother had to let her grow up. I was crying and kinda being loud with her, because it hurt me, that I felt this pressure. My friend passive-aggressively was […]
I know everyone has different reasons for arriving at this site, though we all share the same goal. My reasons are mental health related at their core, I guess, and the fallout from the symtoms…
Major Depressive Disorder, a chronic case of ADHD that I discovered myself 10 years ago in my mid 20’s, and anxiety which amplifies my reactions to people who are I guess just naturally reacting to my conditions… a vicious, never ending cycle that brings me here. Sadness, loneliness, pain & the anger that comes with being misunderstood & having no one to talk to.
Suicide is something I began flirting […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
For awhile now I’ve been “Ready to die” so to speak… I haven’t been able to think of a full proof way to end it yet but my mind is constantly thinking of new options, none of which will actually work. I have 2 in mind, but they are both extremely difficult to achieve, and 1 of them doesn’t have a very high probability of success.
I don’t think my depression is curable and ending it would be a permanent solution to a permanent problem. I can’t suffer the humiliation, shame, regret, loneliness, pain, and sadness any longer. I feel as if my very existence is […]
As someone who’s survived 3 serious attempts I wish to say that I have no intention of making it through number four. I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that I’m statistically supposed to be dead by now and it’s not something which makes me feel better. I’ve seen so much pain on my short tour here on Earth. Humanity does little to stoke my optimism, in fact it does the opposite. I’m a vet, I’m mentally unstable, I’m single, I’m unemployed for the fourth year running and I’m almost homeless (I already was for 3 years.) A close friend who I met while being homeless committed suicide via alcohol and prescription […]
I wish my awareness would dullen some or just disappear. I always walk by a mirror and look myself in the eyes and i can see and feel the sadness. I can see the tears that make up my brown eyes. My hands are calloused and aged. My heart aches and struggles again. My chest wants to break free of the tight bands of muscles surrounding it. My feet tired of walking on the earth.
Oh the feet enjoy the warm from hot asphalt and cold wet blades of grass. Just like my tongue it enjoys the bitter taste of chocolate or the burn of […]