People toss around words like “hate” and “love” pretty often and yet they don’t know what either truly feels like. I thought I knew what hate was at one point, but I got over it and let it go. Then I met someone who caused me the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life. There hasn’t been a day in all these years I haven’t thought of that person, I dream about them, I think about them often enough when I wake up, during the day, and especially at night. Sometimes I picture resolving things with them but that’s extremely rare and not possible considering how horrible of a person they are, to me at least. I felt as though something was strangling me, my skin was burning with anger, my stomach like it was being eaten inside out, and more sadness and rage then I had ever felt before all at one time. I’ve tried everything I could to forget, to let it go, but it’s impossible, that person always pops up into my head regardless and that same pain continues. Usually I end up picturing myself having a wonderful life and crossing paths with that person picturing that they have a horrible life or I picture physically hurting them, pretty messed up but I can’t help it. People like that are one of the reasons I’ve tried ending my life. Someone who cares only for themselves, who wrongs others but feels or shows no remorse, someone who uses others when its convenient for them, someone who doesn’t make any kind of effort to make amends, someone who lies and manipulates. Not a single fucking day has passed that I could forget about that person and the pain that continues to persist from thinking about them. I just hope they suffer as much pain as they caused me, it’d be great if karma existed but it doesn’t. That person taught me what it felt like to truly hate someone to the point that it consumes you.
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4 comments
Wow. That person must really suck. Horrible advice; PUNCH THEM >:O. I have no control over my anger. If I were you I would have shed every ounce of blood in their body. Its amazing that you went through all this time without hitting him/her. I feel sorry for how bad they make you feel.
Messi, yes I have and the only person my hate was hurting was me. Hate is like peeing on yourself, your the only one who feels it.
At this point in my life I have no hate for anyone at the extremes of emotional hatred, there is no hate in me at the level of wishing harm on anyone.
I once moved 1800 miles away because I felt I would cause harm to this person if provoked one more inch.
So the lesson was mine to learn that I had to somehow get rid of my anger or accept that the other party was just a sick twisted person and never put my self in their path again.
Yeah, I realize that the hate is only causing me pain, I want to be rid of it, I just haven’t been able to. I won’t hurt them because I know the type of person I am and they live 2 states away from me regardless even if I completely lost it. I’ve accepted they are a horrible person to me, I just don’t know how to let go of the hate. I know that bad things happen to pretty much everyone at some point, I’ve tried grasping at that before, that they’ll get what’s coming to them but it’s not enough. Only good things in my life could get past that hate I think but my life has never had any of that anyway. She’s the one that finally pushed me too far and I tried taking my life and it’s something I’ll do until I succeed.
Yes; I believe I have. The only girl who used to be able to make me smile is dating this cheating druggie criminal. She was super smart and was going somewhere in life. He doesn’t let her talk to me (or like any of her friends for that matter). She likes the guy, which I don’t understand but I just want to beat this one into a pulp.