What the hell is wrong with me , I’m sick of this shit man !!!
Tag:
Sick
I’ve done quite a few posts on here before… That was a while back. But now everything is worse. I’m breaking  and I don’t know what to do. I just want to show how I feel. Basically I was bullied horribly from 5th grade to 9th. Then in 9th grade I couldn’t take it so I tried to commit suicide. Not just because of school but because of my family. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got sent to a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks. I ended up getting diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in December of last year. It gets harder and harder each day. […]
I am so fucking done with the world. It seems like I can’t do anything. I sing, well at least I try to, and every single time my family puts me down any buries my dreams in HELL. I Â write, and somebody either says “It’s Stupid” “It sounds like plagiarism” “Are you sure you aren’t copying?” “Im pretty sure thats already a book” or criticizes it. And I get the WORST writers block, and most of my stories remained unfinished, sitting in the hard drive of my computer. The one that I did finish is awful, and I’ve thrown that one in trash mountain. People […]
Dear SP friends,
I’m sick and tired of being the good girl. I’m sick and tired of pretending to be perfect. Everyone expects from me good grades, nice dicipline, appropriate language and hopeful thoughts..
But that’s not me. I’m losing myself there. Nobody feels how I feel. It’s so hard to go through the teenage years nowadays. Social anxiety overwhelms me.
What should I do finally?
alright, it’s been a while since i’ve been on here, but, i exist still
nothing has really changed. my anxiety isn’t AS bad, i guess. I’ve been having more panic attacks though. a while ago, i talked about seeing things- and i still do. worst than before. it’s an all day thing. i always see things, i feel like someone is watching me 24/7 i feel uncomfortable all the time.
i have depersonalization disorder, but it isn’t really as bad as it was. now that i can actually deal with reality, i have come to terms that i absolutely hate my body and the way i look. […]
missed work today and i hate myself for it. i couldn’t even call in, because i could not physically get out of bed to reach my phone. god dammit. what is wrong with me?
i am so damn sick and I can’t get the treatment that i need to get better. My current therapist is useless, and has misgendered me more than once. I can’t even go to a physical doctor without panicking that they’ll make me take my clothes off.
trying to treat one thing without the other things just isn’t working anymore. i dont’ even know what i need, but I need /something/. […]
Froze my ass off today whilst traipsing around the woods with my uncle. The scenery was nice and I always enjoy being around my Uncle (more than probably my whole family because he sees me as me, not a dark moody piece of shit) but it didn’t clear my head like I had hoped. Did the opposite, actually. I feel so damn worse after getting back.
I had a good cry then slept half the day, but I came to the conclusion that I think the woods is my ideal resting place.
While the idea of death by hypothermia has crossed my mind a lot, I […]
I’ve started watching anime lately. It’s really captured my mind and makes me zone out. I love it, the Japanese have a way of writing stories in a way you are bound to feel connected too it. The problem however is that my life looks bland and boring now..
I wish I was part of some show. The daily drag of living feels like I’m being tied up to a car and towed face down. I can’t even make myself content with desolving in daily routines anymore.
I’M SICK OF THIS SHIT!
Sometimes I think the world is so unfair. Like, why do people bully others and turn them down just to feel powerful? Why do people tell others to go and kill themselves and why even be mean to people? Like what the actual fuck?! SOCIETY MAKES ME SICK. My parents are horrible and you know how people say “Kids will be Kids”, its more like “Bad parenting results in Rebellious, Depressed, Suicidal children”. Its just my opinion so please don’t criticize me. But I just think that people should be nice to one another because who knows how they will take it and maybe they […]
At school…ugh just have a feeling im going to sleep in one of my classes…counldnt sleep last night over that woke up to be SICK….hate it, hate being sick
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost and no ones helping me find my way. I’ve fallen out major with the person who saved me, I want to talk to him but he’s deleted me from everything except my number. Seeing him happy without me at school breaks my heart because I’m not happy without him. I miss him so much. Makes it worse when I’ve got to spend a week with him in Poland with my school. It’s going to be so awkward.
I’m even making myself go deaf by how loud my music is when I have my earphones. I like to […]
I could of been the greatest, I could of been the best, I shouldn’t have gave up on my dream when it was all I had. Its crazy how one day you could be perfectly fine but the next morning changes your life. I wish I could go back but going back ain’t a option in life. I will never forgive myself for quitting but I could teach others to not give up on their dreams and be the best they could be.
My friends tell me I have an eating disorder…I told them they where full of shit…but they aren’t I’m not stupid I know that not eating is killing me but I cant eat…it makes me feel sick even thinking about it…Maybe being skinny will make my mom love me again…
Anorexia.
Am I really fat?
Or is that just ED?
Body Image.
Am I really ugly?
Or is that just in my head?
Self Harm.
Cutting is always on my mind.
I know it’s bad, but I can’t stop.
Help.
I try to tell others to be strong.
Meanwhile, I’m breaking down.
Death.
I enjoy watching strangers being tortured.
I’m sick in the brain.
These are the reasons why I am insane.
Recovery.
Everyday is a struggle.
Must not turn back. I’m too strong now!
Well it’s that time again… But there is way too much going on in my head .. I am physically and mental and emotionally done. Now I’m throwing up ..  More and more Just keeps happening and my body aches of soreness andmy skin feels tense  and raw
Feels sick when i know that people who i loved and did anything for them do not even care a shit about me. On every first week of the month you have all your friends and relatives around, but the moment you turn beggar, there is no one. Im not valued…my pocket is valued…Now i feel bad for myself and just want to walk away.
I feel sick all the time. From drinking problem to cocaine to meth back to full-blown alcoholism, then it was pills and painkillers and benzodiazepines and now I’ve finally graduated to heroin addict. As l look down at my hands, swollen and shaky and an odd color of purplish-grey…. I don’t know how I got here. I’m only 22 and I need 12-13 hours of sleep per day and so much therapy and alllll my spare time spent in waiting rooms for drs offices and hospitals…. I’m so so sick and I wonder if life would just be easier if I was gone. I no […]
What society and God expects of me is hard. i don’t know if i can bear this burden, but no matter how sad i get i cannot give up.
So, on saturday i planned on coming out to my parents. I am bisexual and was going to tell them finally. but i dont even know if should now. They have been ignoring me so much. When i try talking to them they just pretend to listen. My mom loves her grandkids more then me. and me and my brother both know she favors my sister. I am so sick of it. I hate my family. I mean everyone. they all talk about me behind my back because i’m always dressing up in black and listen to screamo. I think its pathetic. And when my […]
I know this seems like I have let myself into another slump… but yeah… We all do anymore don’t we… Alright where to start. 10 months of an on and off relationship with the girl of my dreams. My everything my who heart my castle that I could rely on for the most part. I am now in need of you all… I am trying to figure out what I am going to do here. I have again fallen in love. Deeply. I can’t live without my girl. I can’t live with her. When she’s on … She isn’t really there. When she is there, […]