Sometimes i feel it would be just so much easier to give in to temptation… to let the blade make me forget everything i worry about. Every now and then i wonder why i put myself through all this grief and stress when i could make it all go away and never have to worry about a single thing ever again… bad late night thoughts that haunt me.
Tag:
single
I really am stupid arnt I? After everything you’ve said and done… I’M still here praying you’ll see me… my heart filled with false hope as I stay up all night waiting for a single word from you. Only to be heart broken every night. You left me and ended our friendship because of something I didn’t even do. Just an excuse they say. It’s just a reason for you to walk away. I truly an stupid because Im still here waiting… praying that it’s not over… that you’ll keep your promises and what you’d said weren’t lies. But the longer time passes the thinner […]
Sorry in advance for any spelling errors. I’m writing this on my phone.
Hey guys! How’s it been going? It’s Lucy! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it ( Holy hell it’s been since September :O )? I wonder how many of you actually remember me 😛 So I’ve got some catching up to do.
First of all the reason why I’ve been absent from this site for so long is because I’ve been going to a therapist and she tells me to remove myself from the negative influences around me. I was a bit pissed in the beginning but it made sense. I deleted […]
I haven’t posted on here in a while…my last note was sort of melodramatic. A lot has happened since then. I won’t delve into it.
I think I might have an answer. An answer to my depression, my self-harm, my self-consciousness. For years I haven’t felt comfortable in public, around other people. I’ve felt like a giraffe in a group of flamingos. Weird analogy, I know.
I’m a teen female, by the way. But for a while I’ve identified as more androgynous. I haven’t expressed this feeling openly (my family isn’t really open-minded). I feel more confident wearing gender-neutral/transmasculine clothing. But put me in bright tops, and…I’d fucking faint […]
She stood by the bedpost and looked out the window
Her voice was a whisper
Save me it muttered to the darkness
The moonlit room was a hollow heart
Much like the one inside her chest
Beating one, two, one, two
She put a dark red capsule into her mouth
And as a single tear rolled down her cheek
She looked back on everything she’d seen in her life
No more, her voice so soft she wasn’t sure she was even speaking
Her heartbeat slowed
Her eyes closed, tired of seeing the moon
And the last thing she saw was her eyelids
Locking the door […]
I can not see myself living a long life based on what has occurred for the past 21 years. I feel like an embarrassment because the only thing I did was screw up things myself by allowing others to treat me like shit and go along with certain bullshit to feel accepted. I’ve developed a state of partial isolation because my lack of social interaction has resulted from be being afraid to become close to anyone and whenever I try to people think I am weird or mean because I am so timid to continue a conversation. When you have experienced sexual, physical, and mental […]
I just want to sleep and never wake up. I’m a single woman in my thirties with no significant relationships other than my parents. I’ve tried to have friends but things just don’t seem to work out. I have nothing to offer people anymore. I’m to depressed. I have no children to worry about either. I have no job. I have nothing. I’m planning on wrapping a few things up and writing a suicide note for my parents sake, then taking all of my pills tonight. No one knows, no one would even care anyway. Life means nothing anymore.
I have wanted to die for the past 9 years.
I have been cutting for the past 5 years.
Every single days for those past 9 years I have thought about disappearing , running away or just giving up and ending it all. I spent those days thinking how amazing it would be if i could fall asleep a night and never wake up the next morning.
I’ll be turning 21 in two weeks.
Every year for the past 5 years, when i blew out the candles i wished for my life to stop.
Nothing has changed. It’s like life has just been at a standstill.
I still want to die.
I found out this song and this band by pure luck but those lyrics, I dunno
I think about suicide everyday and I really found myself in those lyrics, like the singer is going through the same thing :c
Even the name of that band… oh well
I just love those lines:
” I promise one day we’ll be happy as much as we pretend to be…”
and
“Dreams collide in the sky,in our secret neverland…”
I don’t know maybe you’re goin’ to like it too
I’ve fought my depression alone for eight years. It was a struggle I was losing most of the time. My depression is a black cloud that covers me and strangles and poisons everything in my life. My depression has defined everything about me as a person, a few of these things being my motivation, self-confidence and social life. I hate the person I see in the mirror with such intensity it scares me. I would numb myself from the world by seeking out any distractions I can find, be it books or video games (with diminishing results, I can’t pick up a book anymore and I […]
I mean, like really, this is a joke.
I am 16. 16 damn it. I used to dream of how awesome my life would be at 16. This is just ridiculous .
I find no pleasure at anything. My friends are just people that I hanged out with at some point in my life and our friendship dragged out, people that I have come to absolutely despise. I despise pretty much anyone my age really. Everyone is so happy or relaxed or something, as if life is a fun little game.
I have some very firm beliefs : Suicide is stupid , but more importantly , it’s a […]
It’s so hard to function. I feel the oppressive weight of loneliness on me constantly. A single second of alone time, and it’s like a million years. It’s not that I don’t have friend, I just don’t always talk to them. Fuck my life. I’m so fucking tired of having anxiety over every single little decision. Fuck.
My life has truly been a rollercoster these past few months. Ups and downs left and right ….. I wish I could see where my future would take me to see if its even worth all of this constant heartache. Every time i take one step forward I feel like I take 5 steps back…. I had a child with who I thought was the love of my life, he was cheated and lied to the most with in the first 3 months of being pregnant …. I decided to take a chance and leave him to look for a happier life…. That has lead […]
Could it just be to fucking perfect? Sometimes, I wish I was single, just so the level of pathetic I’m at won’t seem as bad. The New Year has come and I’m here, at home, doing nothing. Just sitting here, staring at the TV, fighting the fucking urge to go outside and freeze to death… Happy New Year and a kiss to my daughter. Thinking happily(or what’s left of the good side of my mood) that at least she is next to me.
This man, I say I love, is asleep, next to me. Hey, at least he sprung up 3 secs before the ball dropped […]
Hi people,
While I’m not what can be considered a regular on this site, I visit from time to time and have been for several years now. I don’t always post/respond when I visit, but I do try to help when I can.
I’ve noticed something recently that I see as a good thing. The holidays are naturally one of the busiest times for this site and the difficulty of this time generally shows up in countless postings. It was common for one day of postings to take literally pages and pages.
This year, there are fewer posts than I’ve seen in a long, time and I take […]
At the begining it was only to see if it would hurt as much as i was hurting inside. After, it became like an addiction. It pinched my skin and a soft line of blood ran down my skin. It felt wonderful. I didn’t know what real love is and didn’t have a single friend. So who would care?
It’s been 3 years now that I self harm and struggle with depression. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times but each time i woke up in a hospital…alive. I thought these pills and alcohol would save me from this fucked up world but it was only […]
My “friends” have been cut from my life because they always believed it was fair that they could get mad at each other, but I couldn’t get mad at either of them without severe punishment. My family is starting to act the same way. My sister will confront me and threaten me if I get mad at my mother or grandmother, and my mother will do the same if I get mad at my sisters. It’s not reciprocated though. If someone gets mad at me, nobody fucking cares. These people who are supposed to love me and care about me don’t listen when I try […]
When my parents, friends or random people ask me about my day, all I’ll do is say “It was fine.”
It wasn’t.
Not a day passes that I don’t feel useless, hateful and sad. Not a single day.
My days are never ‘fine’. They’re far from it.
I spend every single day of mine, hurting myself and wishing it would end. It doesn’t, but wanting it is the only thing I still have strength for.
Every single day I would come home from school, throw up that little piece of beagle I ate instead of my breakfast, go to my room and lock the doors.
Every day I would take my […]
I’m very sick today. I spent all night last night vomiting, and now I’ve just been stuck in bed all day. So my fiance comes home and decides it’s a good time to fight because I told him something he did towards another female bothered me. He degraded me like crazy, telling me I’m retarded, I’m boring, and that he wants me to disappear and kill myself. All of this after fighting yesterday with my mother and sisters because I asked here politely to take an embarrassing picture of me off of her facebook page. Expressing my opinions and feelings shouldn’t end in a fight […]