everythings bad. Ive tried so many things to get better , But I don’t want to get better , I want to kill myself. Ive tried a couple times , it never works . this time it will though , I hate my life , Im ugly , my family hate me , I have no friends , Im depression , I cant even go outside without having an anxiety attack . I don’t have a life anymore , All I do all day is sit in my room. I cant even go to school , no one talks to me , I have scars everywhere […]
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Sleep
My greatest fear when thinking about taking my own life is the family I have with me and that care for me. I’m so lucky to have both my parents together still, and that would do anything for me. I also have a sister, brother in law, and two nieces whom all of I adore. I’m 24 years old and I feel like I’ve never experienced a normal life. I’m gay,and I also have other problems that make me self conscious of my appearance so I hate being in public or any places with many people, so I cant go to gay bars or any […]
The days when you just feel like giving up. I was determined to be happy today; my all time favorite person (my grandad) is coming for a visit soon and I was excited. But I dont think the universe is ready for me to be happy yet… No, shit HAS to go down and depress me again.
My best friend in the word, my only friend really, has decided to ruin my day. See, we’re in a group to do some little skit in French class… She cant do it. She is incapable of memorizing her 4 lines and refuses to try a simpler part. Its […]
So I wrote this post 4 months ago already;
I was seriously trying and hoping to see a positive change, I didnt expect that everything was right again, but at least expected something positive.
Well guess what, there is none. Every day is getting worse and worse. Everyday I am having a crapload of headaches, completely destroying the ability to do something good, something helpful for a day. These headaches, I am sure they keep holding me back, if i didnt have them I am confident in my ability to improve stuff in my life, but guess what, I dont even get […]
Another day I had to force myself to wake up and go to class.I just don’t have the will to do anything right now. I think I hallucinated this morning. Maybe because of the new antidepressant I started taking? Either way, it didn’t help me out one bit.
I cant help but feel abandoned, betrayed even. Just seems like I’m beginning to hate my so called friends more and more.
I’m tired. I couldn’t sleep. I spent all night fantasizing what’d it’d be like if I didn’t wake up again.
Has anyone ever thought about the next few days of their lives, and just dreaded them so badly? Literally losing sleep stressing over what could just be a normal day?? It’s been happening to me a lot lately, and it’s made me cut (a lot) & even made me consider suicide…. Every time though, the days I’m dreading turn out fine, some times there even good days. If I had killed myself, it could be over something that wouldn’t even be real.. Is this anxiety? Dreading each day this severely that you stay up all night so it seems further away? Someone’s gotta know.
Hi all. I’m James from New Jersey. I’m 27, and my younger brother Henry (who was 25) killed himself last year. His suicide brought untold grief into my heart, but after a week or so I re-adjusted my view on his chosen action, as every time I’d think of him, I’d have this sensation of indescribable happiness and peace. And I realised that if he’s happy, then I should be happy for him too.
A few weeks ago I felt I can’t cope with the personal problems in my life, and I started planning my own suicide in earnest. I was going to execute my […]
I look in the mirror, I say, loser, freak, fa&&ot, piece of $h¿t.  I say, you SUCK!  YOU’RE NOTHING!
Every time. every…. time….
Sometimes I can say things that are nicer, kind of over top, or after. Â But I can’t not hear the hurtful words.
People said these things all through junior high and high school.  One was even a Policeman’s son.  Nobody did anything Not even when I was hospitalized twice for trying to kill myself. I’d just say I was fine, and nobody batted an eyelash to it.
It gets worse from there…. long story short, I’m in my thirties now, Â I still hear their words…but it’s […]
.I feel so depressed, I feel like i’m becoming emotionally and physically weaker! I just feel so dull and sick that I don’t even want to wake up in the mornings and feel like i have no hope :'( No one accepts me the way i am and I have become a bit boring since my depression. Idk if its because of that or not though…=( Gahh sorry for being dramatic but i feel very bad nowadays I’ve been lonelier than ever before as my self-proclaimed “best friends” don’t even message me or call me or anything. I understand that I go to a different […]
Im a little drugged right now. I am most nights. Its the only way I came sleep. You people dont know me but someone give me one reason to keep living… cuz this whole it gets better bullshit is something you tell someone to make them .shut up… I need a real answer….please
Nothing ever gets better no matter where I go. I try to make a good life for me and everyone just wants to abuse me. Whether its mentally or physically. I never to do anything to anyone and I just get shit on. I’m ready for it to be over. I want to die and never look back. I don’t care if I hurt people after I’m gone because I won’t see them hurt and I can’t get hurt either. I really try my best and I get pushed in the mud and rocks. When will it end and I can live happily. I just […]
I am not skinny. I am not fat. I am not pretty. I am not ugly. I am not mean. I am not nice. I am not popular. I am not unpopular. I am not weird. I am not normal. I am not social. I not quiet. I am not liked. I am not disliked. I am not happy. I am not angry. I only identify as one thing; sad. That’s it. Why? I am tired. I am sick (recently diagnosed with heart problems). I have no real friends left. I have no caring family. Why? I never did anything, to anyone. I used to […]
I thought I was on my way to overcoming the sadness but it seems I was wrong. I feel so so so so alone and also unbelievably numb but somehow really sad all at the same time and I can’t really explain how bad I feel right now, just that it’s been a while since I was this low and that yesterday I cut over the almost completely healed scars on my thighs. I don’t even really know why I did it, I think I just like seeing the evidence, seeing that my inner pain can be converted and can mark me on the outside […]
Everyday I convince myself a little more that my life is significantly less meaningful than I used to believe it was. Everyday I become more convinced that I matter less and that I’m not loved and that life in general is purposeless.
The one and only person I have ever loved does not love me back. Cannot love me back. (My best friend)
And everyday my best friend becomes more distant and dismissive and leaves me grieving for what our friendship used to be. Leaves me grieving for the feeling of her needing me and her being there for me when I needed her. But every […]
I dont know where to start.Everyday , before I sleep , I pray to God to take my life.I don wanna live anymore.I want to start with my father.He doesnt care about me , He didnt care about me till today ,btw I am 23.He only thinks money.He gave me little money even he can afford much.For example,in November , I wanted to him to buy me boots because mines were old(I was using them for 5 years).He said ok , and we went to shopping.After we bought them he abused at me hurl.Why does a dad do something like that to his son although […]
When books know exactly how you feel.
“So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy
and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. Â That you wanted
to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not
be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think
wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this.
That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”
So, I have this doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
I’ll try to explain this briefly:
Initially I made this appointment to try and get adderall/ritalin to be able to focus while studying – cus my concentration is zero, for a long time now.
Then, I realized I need to bring up my sleeping problems, cus it’s getting really bad, I can’t sleep, even with sleeping pills, and as last week I was sleeping 16hours, this week I’m sleeping about 4hours. It’s getting weird.
Now, I’m wondering if I should mention the depression (obviously I won’t talk about the suicidal thoughts). I was doing some research and adderall/ritalin apparently is sometimes used […]
Why have I not crumbled, why have I not cracked? I feel myself deteriorating.. Everyday I swear I won’t get out of bed, and everyday I swear I’m going to cry myself to sleep. I swear each day will be my last, but guess what? It never is. I push through & I survive… & so do you. Spend a few minutes reading this & you will continue to survive…
-Take a big breath in…Now let it out.
-Do something that makes you smile (listen to music, sports, art, ect.)
-Take a piece of paper & write “I will smile again” because guess what? I promise you will.
-Keep […]
Every 56 days, I donate blood to the American Red Cross. I’m 17 and I’ve done this ever since I was eligible, there’s something amazing about it, it’s the simplest thing, yet it saves up to 3 lives each time. At first it didn’t seem like much, but after donating 5 times I got a phone call thanking me for saving the lives of 15 people throughout my county. I can’t put into words the feeling I get knowing that as long as I stay alive, the more lives I can save. Last March I was going through a really rough time, the only thing […]
I want to die in my sleep. Maybe that’s why an overdose on sleeping pills seems so appealing to me. Even if I die painfully and before I can doze off.. The thought of death by a sleep method seems so peaceful, serene and even more beautiful than having conscious thought while tying a noose or pulling the trigger.
But…
What if I don’t want to wake up in heaven?
I don’t want there to be hell either…
I just don’t want to wake up.
The only thing keeping myself from taking those pills is the thought that even after I die… I still have […]