I’ve had enough of this pathetic thing people call life. Every time I’m happy, something goes wrong. Also, I’ve gotten past the fact of leaving people behind. I no longer care about that, I just want to leave…and never come back. I want to die to prove to people how bad their words really hurt. Everybody thinks that I’m so happy and carefree, when really I get home, cut every night, and cry myself to sleep. I deal with shit at school from just about everybody, shit with my abusive dad when I get home, and shit when I go to work from my de-humanizing […]
Sometimes it seems to me my blood gushes
like a fountain, in rhythmic sobs,
I hear it flowing with long murmurs,
but I grope in vain to find the wound.
All across the city, as in a field of honour,
it spills out, transforming paving stones to islands,
quenching Every creature’s thirst and painting all nature red.
Often I have asked strong wine to numb for a day the terror consuming me:
some times I think I’m crazy. My mental status has been smashed into a million pieces. Some times I wonder if it’s normal for ur family to mentally abuses u. Some times I even think I deserve it or that it is ok for my moms husband to sexually abuse me. I’m afraid of the dark, I jump and shake when they are near, waiting to be scolded and told how worthless I am and how fat I am. How much I eat or don’t eat. when to sleep and how long. when I forget to do the dishes I’m told On how retarded I […]
well now both my parents know i started cutting again. and i hate it… i dont want to talk to them about it.. i cant its too hard. but my mom doesnt understand this… i think my dad helped her to a little tho. becuz last nbight she said she didnt think it was nessesary to go to therapy becuz i can talk to her. she then said she’ll talk to my dad about it, and when i woke up this morning she said that i have to go speak to the school counselor today and if they think i need therapy then i’ll go.
but […]
I’ve felt a change in my emotions lately
A realization
Or
Maybe I’m just remembering.
Coming down from my dillusion
Back into reality.
But more lucid this time around.
Bitterness does not form
Yet happiness is still ages away
Basically a myth now.
These moments when every emotion
Has disappeared completely by reaching its peak
The most anyone could ever feel
Any emotion
Name one.
I can.
Rage.
Enraged.
The feeling of wanting to create a homicidal storm
Or at least stick nails into my own veins
Either way there will be blood
Don’t talk to me for a while
Don’t look at me without […]
I feel the way I feel because I feel nobody loves me butt it I probably not true at all I just now made this because I have to tell Simone guess how old I am? Ian only 13 and my parents are probably going to break up it I manly because of all of the stress going on in all of our family like from my dads side of the family everyone one of his sisters just broke up with each other so there children are staying with us and they just cry and cry and cry one is 13 months old he crys […]
Im going to start wearing t-shirts again. If they kids at school see my wrist I don’t care, they can judge me all they want. But it won’t mean anything to me. Especially sense they don’t know my story.
I’m going to try to love life again. Tho I know it will be hard and I will still cry myself to sleep a lot. I’m going to try
I am starting the butterfly project again… Hopefully I can do it this time.
-Morgan…..RawrImaTurtle!
I’ve never been abused. Never been neglected. I’ve never failed. I have graet co-workers and a loving family (though quite overbearing @ times).
I was bullies in every grade! Where was the publicity and outcry then???
I cry myself to sleep every night. Who hears me?
I hurt any second I am not actively ingaged in conversation with somebody. Who notices?
Why is suicide a bad thing for chronic depression? It’s not a phase in my life… I’ve been this way since I was 5. I’ve been on meds. I’ve seen a couselor. Why should I suffer every morning knowing I have to face another day. Why? Because people […]
Can’t bear the pain of being so despised, by the people I need to give me strength. Antidepressants don’t work, have been taking them for years. I get admitted to hospital, and get pumped full of drugs, I am ok for while but then, again I am kicked down into the hole for another year. They tell me I’m being indulgent, but I just want to hide from the world. Have become a hermit, can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t drive or go to the shop. 15 years in the hole is unbearable. I don’t believe it’s a medical issue, but the only response to the […]
go to work
go to my moms house
take care of my brother
get high
go to sleep
rinse/repeat
weekend!!!!!!!!
take care of my brother
get high
go to sleep
I do other things but…. I’m sitting here willing myself to get up and go back to my moms house for the evening but I just can’t. Even if I had my own apartment again, it’s all so unsatisfying. I want.. i dunno. A woman? That doesn’t sound right but I’m sure it’s what my body wants. My mind is the problem. My body is healthy and fit.. my mind just doesn’t want. Doesn’t want anything, […]
can i go to sleep and never wake up? can i stay in my dream land forever and never return to reality??
-Morgan….RawrImaTurtle
I am sad. Yesterday was horrible! I just broke down onto the floor. I don’t know how long I was on the floor, but it feels like quite a long time. I was saying ‘I can’t do this, I can’t fucking do this’. And I cut, and I played with my own blood. My floor has white and black squares, like a chess-board. And I was bleeding onto one of the white squares, and I was just playing with it. Then I cleaned my floor and put some alcohol onto my arm so that I wouldn’t get any weird infections. Later that night I was […]
I don’t know whats been going on lately. I’ve been feeling worse and worse. And it just feels like I’ve been cutting off everyone from my life even more, which I didn’t think was possible Not that I was a social butterfly to begin with, I have never invited someone over to the house and I detest parties so I don’t go to them. But lately its just been worse. I haven’t texted anyone in the last two weeks, haven’t seen or talked to anyone I call a friend in three weeks. I probably wouldn’t have said a single word if I didn’t speak to […]
I was one of those people that were always like killing yourself is stupid. I realize now that was because I had it pretty close to I prefect life. But I worked hard to do that too. I had all As and great friend. And I was so pretty. In my freshman year of high my mom told me we were moving. I didn’t want too. But would any teenager want to move 1,000 miles away from their life, friends, everything. I throw I fit but I knew I was making it harder on myself so I told her I would be good and go. […]
Why do I have to be depressed? Am I not aloud to enjoy life? Instead of being sad all the time, always wanting to cut when I can’t handle it, and thinking about killing myself. Maybe if I kill myself the pain will go away! Please I hate this!
I go to sleep every night hoping that whn I wake up I’ll be better. Or that I won’t wake up at all… I usually cry myself to sleep and wake up with puffy eyes….. Why did I have to get depression? Why does it even existe?
Make it go away…that’s all I want…. I want […]
Well i found this site like 6 months ago and found it really helpful cause i could see people going through the same thing as me. Am a 13 year old girl….who has a family who loves her a lot but am really depressed. I have been depressed for a year now and i cut myself. i cut myself because it makes me feel alive again. I have gone through the death of my grandpa moved 3 times in 2 years and have found out that my two siblings are adopted. And the biological mother of my sister is going to court against my parents. […]
i feel him crawling inside, crawling inside my mind and body
what is he trying to find, i feel so ugly
screaming inside no words leave my lips
no! no never! my body he grips
it doesn’t count if you don’t say it
im crying now, it hurts
i want to tell him “go eat shit”
but my mouth still speaks no words
he keeps trying to give me something,
but its something i dont want
he says that it dont mean a thing
and makes me taste my ****.
oh Jesus, God where is it now? wheres the blessed light?
im sure that i could maybe,so why dont i put up a fight?
so high, so drunk, so […]
My husband and I moved to this new country for his work, and I’ve never been lonelier. Â I’m not legally allowed to work and so I try to fill my days with menial tasks and errands, and I might see 1,000 people in the course of the day, but really interact with none. Â My husband commutes a fair distance and works long hours on top of that, and of course when he comes home he wants to relax, or sleep, or spend time pursuing solo interests.
I’m not asking for pity, but for a favor: Â Please say hi to a stranger when you’re out today. Â Talk […]
So i have been having horriable thoughts lately and i am not sure i want them be real ..people treat me like crap and i can’t pretend its ok all the time. it bothers me all the time. i can’t stay here. my ex is engaged .. i loved him more than anyone .. and he let his fiance talk down to me .. ive been talked down to my whole life.. i can’t keep being a push over .. i know that im not pretty .. im not skinny … im not good enough for anyone .. all my friends are happy .. my […]
School is almost the day after tomorrow. I haven’t finished my homework and I am stressing.
Yesterday I fell into a random little depressed state where I couldn’t sleep or speak to anyone. This morning my sister went to the family counselor about her cycling coach who ended up being a perverted pedophile. She’s now pressing charges. While they were gone I was lying in bed thinking. I was thinking about what would happen if I overdosed while they were out or if I cut my wrists and didn’t stop bleeding until I was dead. The urge was the greatest it had been in a while.
I […]