Lie in a bed of white, buried in cotton
Feeling empty, lost and hopelessly forgotten
Prescription bottles on the nightstand
Next to a rusted wedding band
Half-empty champagne glasses litter the floor
And there’s no where to turn anymore
So you climb into the bathtub and clutch the blade
Hoping that the voices in your head will fade
Everything that ever mattered slips away
And you engrave all the words that you couldnt say
As blood trickles down your legs, you cry
Because finally, you feel alive
what exactly are we meant to do when the world is pushing so many of us away? This is meant to be our souls temporary homes, our bodies are meant to be our temples yet we despise them, hurt them, try to mold them into something they are not. Â so many of us feel as if we have ruined any chance of happiness we had in this life but is that true? Â Sometimes I feel it is, and there’s a voice telling me it’s not, but sometimes I feel it isn’t and there’s an even bigger voice telling me it certainly is. So many that […]
In this Martian, barren land
Upon a rustic hill I stand
on this ground no being breathes
to allow for ghastly, ghoulish deeds.
Phantoms reek of mystic smells,
And devils ring their wailing bells
Whose voices warn of blasphemy
And sing of brewing agony.
No protest comes from those deceased,
Their bodies slain with frightful ease.
A sickle formed of lust and greed
Carried out this gruesome deed.
Gods bear witness to my crime
Condemning this sold life of mine.
The children vanish in the sand
and out protrudes their withered hands
I feel my burning blood on fire
As I amass this desert […]
When he found out I was cutting, he tried not to help the urge. Then he used it as a threat. He then got scared if others found out. Now he’s back to yelling, pushing me to cut or commit. I wish I could. The worst I can so is cut. I can’t commit. I am able too. I do not fear Death. But milady said to not disappear. So, I will pursue some hope in this pit of Hell.
I made a promise to never disappear and bring sadness. So, before I can disappear I have to ask people close to me if I can, if I’m still needed. If only one says yes to if I can disappear, then I will. 4 of 5 said I can’t. One will not answer me, thanks to that asshole who ruins my life. So, I must stay. Until I am no longer needed. We will see on Monday.
Why is it still snowing!? I’m in Michigan and I, more than ever, need some sunlight and some relief from the snow… but it just won’t quit. At least give me a good scary thunderstorm to appreciate.
Otherwise… I’m trying Lexapro and it’s taken a month to finally kick in (I think). I only realized it when I noticed I was humming a song at work. I never do that.
You’d think I’d be into the clear but I can’t seem to let my exit bag / tank go. I don’t want to get rid of it. It gives me strength and security to deal with my […]
It was so quiet when the music stopped
So empty when the bottom dropped
So somber when the dreamers lay
Down to die, their heartstrings frayed
The waking hours became too real
No dreams to conjure up their zeal
And then the night, too, ceased to give
A single dream to help them live
It withered them like winter does
But coated them with soot and rust
It caked their lungs in deathly plaque
And left their souls a ghastly black
Oh how they would have sacrificed
To find and bring their dreams to life
A hope on which their eyes to fix
Like miracles […]
Well I was busy and she was not, so she poked around found the key! Opened my hiding place, found two tanks of helium, I was smart enough not to keep all the components together, I scattered them in separate places, the regulator, tubing, and so on, she asked what I had those tanks for! I said for blowing up balloons, she said where are the balloons? I said I haven’t gotten them yet, I said it was a surprise! I was throwing a party! She said what party? I said well it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you! Ha ha! ïŠ Little […]
especially at work. I was talking to my friend who’s a cashier, and I ended up telling him that a friend of mine said I should start dating again. Apparently my ex was listening in and now he’s all sad and pissy with me because he think’s I’m over him. I’m BEYOND over him. What I’m wondering is why he gets to have an opinion, when I wasn’t allowed to care that he kept telling me that the barista at the starbucks where we had our first date is hot, and how his friend in las vegas thinks he’s cute and wants to go and […]
So I made a post of burial sites (asking which was your style) which I quickly learned everybody would prefer to be cremated. Â So now I will post the urns.
Or if you want to be scattered into a hurricane like clevername (not a bad idea)
Or if drowning and being digested by a shark is your style, that’s fine.
Or perhaps being shipped into space
When I take that blade to my wrist
no one in the world exists.
And when when I think about it, cause I do
I truly do not think of you.
So why be sad or disappointed
when your not the one that I anointed.
So why care ? Cause you do
but why care? Â I wouldn’t if I were you.
I’m positive that feeling alone is universal, but that seems to be the force behind my depression. Like being together with people yet being isolated. As if I purposely hold myself back from being alive or living metaphorically of course. To me life is punishment. ironically I am a hypocritical hypocrite. I say I hate stuff and then I do that stuff and hate myself for hating to do it will hating myself for thing my self. Did any of that make sense? Self loathing comes and goes a lot, but I sit here thinking of obscure ways to end it all….and I stare at my […]
Many people want to end there lives so what the hell makes me any more special then all the other kids. Why am I posting this? I really don’t know I guess I have some things to get off my chest. I’m defiantly not a happy person so you say I’m Severely depressed and I don’t want to change, Â I’m the fuck up and the dumb fuck in my family though everyone thinks I’m the smart happy kid I’m not. people who say I’m too young to be broken, to young to be sad, too young to not know what pain feels like they obviously […]
today is probably the worst day of my life. My girlfriend a few months back charged me with 6 different offenses, and that caused a lot of stress on me and one day I just got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to hang myself and just before I jumped I called her and she picked up as said she would come see me, and at no point did I think the cops would come because we’ll I trusted her, and she saved my life and after 4 mon this of that it was over but then she wanted to become […]
So, I’m really starting to think that I am insane, I swear I keep hearing people when I’m alone…
So I guess I’m staying alive… For her. I told her about it and she started freaking out (which is normal) and made me promise I wouldn’t kill myself. What made me agree though, was that she started crying when she realized, if I did kill myself after the next band concert, we would have less than 10 days. And she doesn’t cry in front of people so that was a big gigantic sign that she cares. So I’m stayin’ alive
So yeah, im new here and its really hard to write here although noone knows the hell who i am. Have been here now 2-3 months or so, watching other peoples posts n stuff. I can t believe its hard to write here bout my feelings, i mean noone here knows me and most guys here are quite nice. The void in my soul just so gigantic. Ist hurts so much. Its anxiety, i Know it. Sounds weird although i seemingly feel nothing anymore, i know im scared.
So this ist where i am. Feel free to just skip this post now. Im doing this cause […]
You were that foundation
Never gonna be another one, no.
I followed, so taken
So conditioned I could never let go
Then sorrow, then sickness
Then the shock when you flip it on me
So hollow, so vicious
So afraid I couldn’t let myself see
That I could never be held
Back or up no, I’ll hold myself
Check the rep, yep you know mine well
Forget the rest let them know my hell
There and back yet my soul ain’t sell
Kept respect up,the best they fell,
Let the rest be the tale they tell
I think that there are bad times and good times. There has to be us sad loser folks to show the giddy happy people how they DON’T want to be. Light and darkness. We are the dark people, and we are meant to see darkness. We are the martyrs who are cursed to show everyone else how blessed they are. People never learn by education alone. They have to be shown. We don’t ever know what we have until it’s gone. Dark things happen to everyone, but you know the ones that are destined to darkness. They are the ones that don’t make it, so they can show the lighted people […]
So for awhile now I’ve been trying to hold on, and I know what I need to do is call a suicide hotline, but today right after school I caught myself looking at pill bottles, freaking pill bottles to see if  a side effect was death.
I just don’t know anymore.
Their is this one girl who I like, and she likes me, and we tell everything to each other. She knows about my depression, self harm and suicide attempt and thoughts, but I don’t think I can ever tell her about today.
Feels like the only place I can freely talk about this stuff […]