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Inspiration

by Cordless 2/22/2016

written by Cordless

You guys keep posting neat music stuff you’ve done….
It’s made me want to compose something too.

I ordered some composition software for the laptop so I can write stuff during the days/nights when I’m stuck in bed and can hardly move. It will be good therapy for me, because it will remind me that even though my body is falling apart, my mind still (sort of) works.

I ordered the same software I’ve used previously for composing symphony stuff, but for some reason I’m in the mood to write a piano solo now.
Possibly piano plus cello.

Stay tuned.

(Ha! See what I did there? Music? Tuned?)

2/22/2016 34 comments

Dad killed himself, why can’t I?

by headupunderdarkcloud 2/22/2016

written by headupunderdarkcloud

It’s almost 8 years to the day now when I got the call, that mom needed to come over to tell me something, and seated in the worn-out dingy couch on the porch, dark outside, the words spilling from her into me, something that could not be taken back, something final, a new reality shocked into me.
I remember somehow taking it so well, the determination to be strong overcoming any flirtation with falling apart or to pieces about it. It was his decision, and that’s what he did, he is no longer in pain, there’s nothing that can be done about it and we’ll […]

2/22/2016 5 comments

Life isn’t for everyone

by Drowning 2/13/2016

written by Drowning

2/13/2016 21 comments

I just don’t know anymore

by Drowning 2/12/2016

written by Drowning

well to add to my mental state my doctor is sending me to get me checked to see if I have personality disorder which means I’ll have another mental Illness to add to the others great but will sort of explain why I find it hard to keep a relationship maybe because I don’t let people get to close but after 8 years u would think that u would be able to let someone get close well not me I always manage to sabatage anything that’s going well in my life iv become everything that I didn’t want to become im at a cross road […]

2/12/2016 2 comments

Couple pills and no one to stop me

by red_river 12/27/2015

written by red_river

I’ve been feeling like shit lately, turns out holidays and depression isn’t a good combination.Today was shittier than most, just one of those days you know? My parents know about my depression so they got me antidepressant and a roster of other goodies to turn those frowns around. Did you know if you take a lot all at once you feel shittier because they aren’t working and they just sort of numb you but it’s more depressing because you have to realize the only way to handle pain is popping useless pills. So then you grab a razor or a gun and you hold it […]

12/27/2015 2 comments

Decided to put on the breaks

by SoVeryTired 12/19/2015

written by SoVeryTired

I pulled the emergency break on my downward slide. I decided that putting up a decent fight is the least I owe my sons. If things don’t get better, suicide is always there as an option later. So I saw a doctor this morning, and she straight away organised admission to a psychiatric facility for me – and that’s where I’m now. Just unpacked my bag. I am lucky that I have private health insurance, and can use the private mental health system, and as a voluntary patient I’m not locked up. Still, I’m numb and exhausted and just relieved that I will have a […]

12/19/2015 10 comments

Not sure how to start.

by SleepingClover 11/30/2015

written by SleepingClover

The past hour has been dedicated through reading posts, comments and conversations on this site. It sort of helped relieve this constricting feeling in my chest, to know that there are others experiencing the near exact feelings that i’ve kept to myself for years. As well as finally feeling like this is a safe place to discuss aforementioned feelings.

I’ve had a private journal for some time on another site. I like to use it to attempt to look back at my past mind sets, and see that i’ve progressed past those terrible moments in time. Lately though, the entries have become painful reminders and bring […]

11/30/2015 6 comments

Hanging in suspense

by TheRoadSoFar 11/25/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

I hate myself.

I think I’m falling in love with a very close friend, who doesn’t love me back, naturally. But she doesn’t know it.
At the same time, I’ve been sort of in love with my best friend, who, of course, doesn’t love me back in that way. But she doesn’t know it either. She is in love with a guy who also is in love with her. But he’s an idiot.
Still, he knows… I’ve never talked to him ever, but somehow he knew instantly that I’m in love with the 2 other girls I mentioned. I don’t know how. He just knew it […]

11/25/2015 1 comment

I think I’m going to do it

by tandb 11/14/2015

written by tandb

There are only a handful of things keeping me from doing it, and they’re all people. My wife, whom I don’t want to leave to pick up my shit. My little brother, who will be so confused. My parents, who will be ravaged. My employees, who will not understand.

But the reasons not to are starting to be outweighed by the feeling that I need to do it.

I feel like the moments where I think about doing it are the only moments of clarity in my life and that everything else is fake.

I think that the fact that I don’t want to do it, but feel […]

11/14/2015 6 comments

Tired

by justa_girl 10/23/2015

written by justa_girl

I just want my life back.. Swim team, varsity soccer captain, cheer squad, student council… A perfect boyfriend, and perfect friends. I had a life, and an amazing future to look forward to.

The thing is, I was amazing at faking it. I put on a smile and didn’t let anyone ever see it fade. And now too much has happened and I’m exhausted from lying and being someone I can’t be anymore.

I want my mom back.

I want to be that blissfully happy teenager who had no worries. Instead of this depressed anxiety-ridden maniac that walks around like the living dead. I might be alive, but […]

10/23/2015 5 comments

by deerdezz 10/11/2015

written by deerdezz

If I am weak or selfish shouldn’t I take responsibility for that?

Shouldnt I just get out of everyone’s way?

A hindrance is still an issue even if it only effects a few, it won’t get better til some sort of action is taken right…

10/11/2015 8 comments

Divorce in process

by repitition 10/7/2015

written by repitition

Two years, a recent attempt. A short trip. I get released just as easily. A mistake in calling, not knowing the trip would happen, or that it would be mandatory. They make me feel like shit, but at this point much anyone and anything does that. A rock could do that. Im too sensitive and not in a good way, I remain bitter. I try to operate from a place of rightous anger. At this moment, I’m surrounded by people I am aware do not like me. I was supposed to accept it, but when you feel… like that sort of weird, unapprochable person for […]

10/7/2015 4 comments

Positivity

by Take a Deep Breath 10/3/2015

written by Take a Deep Breath

So I know some of you saw my earlier post… It was a negative little bugger, wasn’t it? I’m sorry for posting it. So, instead of being a Debbie Downer (heh), I want to impart something positive for the day. I know many, many people who dislike far, far too many things about themselves, whether they be mental or physical (myself included). So, I challenge those of you who have insecurities created by some jackass who told you that you weren’t good enough, etc., or insecurities created by some sort of self-loathing to look in the mirror and say something you love about yourself. Wether […]

10/3/2015 13 comments

Last straw

by whydoiwantto 10/1/2015

written by whydoiwantto

This is it… I’m done with pretending, I’m done with false allegations, lies that intend only to harm me. I have almost come to a sort of peace with death, that this is maybe a way to expediate the inevitable. I was born pure but was broken early, broken over and over until there was no possible recovery.

Death is my recovery. I know it’s time. The crying and pain has lessened and a sense of calm has washed over me. I feel so ready and sure. It is the most sure I have ever felt about anything in my life.

The planning stage is complete. I […]

10/1/2015 5 comments

I’m not supposed to be here

by OddOneOut 9/23/2015

written by OddOneOut

Just a rant…
Living in South Korea right now, and one thing I noticed is that this place will literally suck the ambition, desire – any sort of force that drives me forward in life – out of me. I hate this place, and I have to stay here another 3 months before I can even think of moving to another place.

I used to have dreams, have a heart full of things I wanted to do. Plans to do those things, the WILL to do those things…
But…it’s something about this country. The lifestyle here…Maybe it’s just me that can’t get used to it or, […]

9/23/2015 2 comments

I Have Returned

by LivingQuietly 9/20/2015

written by LivingQuietly

Hello, whoever uses this site.
A few years ago, I used to post here. Sometimes quite regularly. I’m sat by myself in an empty room, and something possessed me to re-read all my old posts and I thought, why not update my life a little. I’m sure all the people who used this site when I did are gone, maybe even dead. But I do hope that there are still people here.
It’s been almost 2 years and one of the main changes in myself, is that I am appalling at explaining my feelings and emotions now. I am slightly jealous of my old selfs […]

9/20/2015 11 comments

5 days after my release….hindsight

by wndozh8er 9/15/2015

written by wndozh8er

I thought the therapy was great at the time while I was in the psyche ward. Problem is, what really helped was the “friends” I thought I made. I have severe attachment issues and can’t stand to be alone and rejection brings out my PTSD. If they was going to do therapy, it should have been some sort of 1 on 1 thing. Now I feel this huge empty void again but without the suicidal thoughts. Because nobody returned my calls and deleted my friends request on Facebook, my self confidence is one again in a graveyard. I’d be right where I was if I […]

9/15/2015 13 comments

Opiates

by Nobody915 9/10/2015

written by Nobody915

Hi everyone,

Hope you’re all well.

I was diagnosed with [condition] where I was prescribed codeine (sort of like morphine) to ease the horrible, physical pain. However, it really makes my head spin which also makes the sadness go away. In fact, I feel almost happy. I know this can happen when you take opiates and i’m trying my best not to become addicted to them (which I am not) but sometimes, I just wish I could take one whenever I feel down. It’s horrible thinking but I was just wondering if people on here know what I mean.

Comments are really appreciated. Thanks

Your Nobody.

9/10/2015 8 comments

Diagnostic report and I

by cocoki 9/7/2015

written by cocoki

The feelings started coming back again that sort of empty worthless feeling and I’m still trying to fight it even now my trying not to cry

I read my Diagnostic report today for the forst time ever and I was like someone literally put all my bad quality in a “nice” little box and I realised just how pointless I really am I use to think that I can use what I DO have to my advantage but what I do have isn’t going to help me be successful in a ordinary part time job and I isn’t going to make me progress onto being happy and […]

9/7/2015 0 comment

A life – moving on

by bayareaguy 9/4/2015

written by bayareaguy

This morning I drove 6 hours from Phoenix to Los Angeles to spend a couple of days with the most beautiful human being I have ever known. He is an elderly, British gentleman, a Royal Chaplain (meaning he was once assigned by the Archbishop of Canterbury in England, to take charge of a small chapel in Wales which is still under the “protection” of the Crown), a Franciscan Friar, and my friend.

A week ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. At 84 years of age, after two previous battles with cancer, he is too frail to undergo a strenuous attempt at fighting it […]

9/4/2015 3 comments

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