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Suicidal Over My GPA

by jasal 12/8/2014

written by jasal

I didn’t realize I would write so much. TLDR: I’m doing poorly in my classes, I’ve relapsed pretty hard in terms of mental illness and self-harm, and I really, really want to stop the pain and disappointment and just kill myself, etc. etc.

(Fair warning, this entire post is very melodramatic.)

I am that horrible student who cannot accept anything less than an A. I am that piece of shit that needs a 4.0 to feel any sort of self-worth. I can’t even blame my parents anymore for this horrible mentality because I am not a child anymore. I am nearly 20, and though they care about […]

12/8/2014 8 comments

Location, Location, Location

by ViciousCircle 12/7/2014

written by ViciousCircle

Hi everyone – it’s been a while. Has anyone given any thought to the location when thinking about suicide. I have my method and date picked out, but I haven’t decided on a location. My method can travel anywhere with me (luckily, I have an allergy I can exploit very easily). The date is going to be my birthday (I always had some sort of weird pleasure walking around cemeteries and seeing graves where people died on their birthday… I’m weird like that). I never gave it much thought until now – I thought I would just die in my house, but now I’m thinking […]

12/7/2014 13 comments

by HereticBlood 11/24/2014

written by HereticBlood

Dear mind,

Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…

Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?

Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?

Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??

11/24/2014 1 comment

Having trouble concentrating…

by m_m 11/19/2014

written by m_m

I have so many things to do this week and I’m having trouble bringing myself to do them. I’m just focusing on how shitty I’ve been feeling these past few days. How do I snap out of it? I thought I was feeling better yesterday or at least beginning to feel better but I guess I wasn’t because now it’s coming all back. I can’t afford to feel this way right now. I feel like most of the time I try to suppress how I feel because I always have something to do. Something is always due, and I always have some sort of exam […]

11/19/2014 0 comment

an unexamined life

by cathy arsis 11/6/2014

written by cathy arsis

The world can be changed in a fort night by a person with a strong conviction to do so.
where does one find the strength, i wonder, to be the arbiter of their own fate, and still find
the means nessacary to empart their brand of wisdom on humanity
I understand now that I never had a chance against these convicted people, because I
flock to folly, I just cant stand against the tide of human emotion,its all just to fucking much to feel.
I am a runaway in my own skin, I am making a concious and concerted effort to check out, I just […]

11/6/2014 2 comments

decisions

by schema 11/6/2014

written by schema

I have a sort of big decision to make relatively soon. I hate change, I hate it so much, but it would save me money. I just don’t know how comfortable I’d feel living this way, with other people, when I’m already the world’s most passive push-over. I also pace a lot and need room and time to do that, so I don’t think that the other people I would be living with would like that. I’d also hate for them to figure me out and realize how I truly feel, how dead inside I am and how much this existence bothers me. I don’t […]

11/6/2014 1 comment

Seeking help making things worse

by uni 11/5/2014

written by uni

The more I tried to get help and was honest, it would seem that I hit some sort of systemic punishment. Over the years my diagnosis are getting longer, treating physicians are saying I’m too sick to be accepted, and I seem to get punished by care providers when I’m trying my best. I even went to the best facility in the US for an extraordinarily extended period of time. In the end, I learned that I could not speak my truth and was often demoralized at my attempts to combat my suicidality. Why am I the one to blame when the treatments are not […]

11/5/2014 2 comments

I like people… but I hate them.

by depressednihilist95 11/3/2014

written by depressednihilist95

I almost always feel comfortable around others in a business sort of setting. When it comes to casual meetings and activities, I want the fuck out. I remember back when I had friends, and we went out to go eat, but I was bored to death. What was there to talk about? We already discussed poop. We talked about sex and food too. What was the point? Friends don’t last, they just come and go. We all run out of things to say, and being stuck in an unfulfilling relationship is… unfulfilling. I don’t get why people are so happy on the TV and outside […]

11/3/2014 11 comments

Life goes on

by bipolary 10/25/2014

written by bipolary

When you are bipolar life is like a giant roller coaster. You go up and you go down… And if you’re really lucky you hit a plateau and you just sort of coast along for a while… I finally hit a plateau this morning. Yesterday I was so close to life being over… But this morning the fog lifted, and life goes on.

10/25/2014 0 comment

STOP. READ THIS.

by AJokeOfFate 10/16/2014

written by AJokeOfFate

Stop whatever you’re doing and read this. It’s important.

Okay, chances are, you’re probably on this website because you had a terrible day or worse; a terrible childhood. Or some sort of traumatic experience. But you know what the other reason for you being here is? The much bigger and more important reason? The fact that you’re alive and a sentient being.
You have free will to a certain extent. Your mental capacity is nigh on infinite. You’re a beautiful and complex person. What’s more is that you matter. You’re important. You are amazing and awesome and genuine. So don’t let anyone else tell you […]

10/16/2014 10 comments

atleast im breading

by onkerio 9/16/2014

written by onkerio

Hi again all you humans. Its been awil since I last posted. But today I randomly felt like I should… well what ive decided on saying is this… this is my messege of hope to every one out there. Don give up. Sometimes things might take awil to get better or change. They might never change. But we have to keep fighting. Oblivion is inevitable people. Early or late it happens… we cant change that… there are many reasons a person could feel these ways. We feel… lose of a loved one. Child hood abuse. bullies. Hating yourself. Negetivity. Etc. Milions of reasons. I might […]

9/16/2014 0 comment

I just don’t care about anything anymore

by oldage 9/12/2014

written by oldage

Aside from TV shows/movies and videogames there isn’t much that keeps me going. I messed up my education by being lazy (BSO, in belgium that’s the lazy person’s course where they don’t actually teach you shit) so I have barely any motivation for college that I’m starting next week but hey, gotta keep the parents happy. Ideal situation would be some sort of disease that doesn’t hinder me too much but kills me after 3 years, so I atleast know how game of thrones ends (can’t be assed to wait for the books, knowing grrm we’ll have the last book when I’m 40). Too much […]

9/12/2014 2 comments

Limbo/ Culmination

by tai 9/10/2014

written by tai

I’m in that space right now where I can’t tell if I’m depressed because of the meds (Xanax and Prozac) or depressed because of me. I felt so blank on the way home it was hard to keep myself from just driving off the highway. I feel confused, and tired of being confused, and apathetic to the act of breathing. It’s so strange…. Yet again, I’m not sad, I’m not mad, I just feel like I could wink out of existence at any moment. Like, just slip into death. I’m already 27, aren’t I too old for this sort of melodrama?

I love to see beauty, […]

9/10/2014 3 comments

New here…and just needed to type/vent/be…

by BethChilds 9/9/2014

written by BethChilds

Ugh. What’s brought me here tonight. My blood is so heavy. I’m exhausted. Really been feeling the physical symptoms of depression for the last 2 weeks. I’ve had two attempts about 4 years ago. I will admit they were probably more a cry for help than anything else. I wanted…needed my pain to be seen and I chose a stupid way to do that. Both times were embarrassing. Hospital time and then 72 miserable hour holds. I swore to myself I’d never do it again unless I knew I could succeed, which leaves me in this really shitty position I’ve been in for awhile now. […]

9/9/2014 1 comment

by HereticBlood 9/4/2014

written by HereticBlood

Dear mind,

Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…

Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?

Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?

Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??

****found the [edit] button sorry

9/4/2014 7 comments

Strangers are easier to talk to.

by Rebels_at_Stagnation 8/7/2014

written by Rebels_at_Stagnation

And that makes me sad, sort of.

My middle name is Maree, and I’ve had serious depression for about three-and-a-half years now. I believe the causes have an older age, but most of it is a bit foggy. Do I write “had” depression, as if it was an object? I had a hat that I used to wear everyday, no matter the weather, but now I don’t anymore. Or is it more of a condition: I’ve been depressed for three-and-a-half years, and the fact that it hasn’t let up tremendously shows it’s more that a bit of the blues.

I’m straying from the point. I don’t know […]

8/7/2014 5 comments

When I’m Alone

by TheStranger17 8/5/2014

written by TheStranger17

Being alone for me, can be good or bad. It’s never really either, there is peace in being alone sometimes, but other times… I’d do anything for someone to be near me.

It’s weird, craving company, for me anyway. I never really was a social kid – I’ve said before I found it difficult to fit in and I was never really bothered about going out too much. But I don’t know, something changed in secondary school; I found myself wanting to be… accepted? Wanted? Included?

I changed my habits I guess – I stopped reading and writing so much fanfiction, stopped holing myself in my room […]

8/5/2014 2 comments

Easy does it

by tbd 8/2/2014

written by tbd

I’m feeling really defective right now.

I went to a special “designer” research hospital in New York last month. Today, the super bill came with the diagnosis codes. I haven’t received their final report yet, but one of the diagnoses has sort of kicked me in the gut and I don’t feel like I can talk with any family member about it lest they throw it in my face.

It has to do with cognitive impairment which can arise from head trauma or prolonged medical treatments. Full recovery is rare. I guess you’d have to see what I have trouble with now, compared […]

8/2/2014 15 comments

I can’t even tell anyone

by I.cant.breathe! 7/20/2014

written by I.cant.breathe!

No one can know that im going down, not even my boyfriend. All i can think about lately.is killing myself. But I was on top of this tower and i had the oportunity to tip over the edge into oblivion but I dont know what stopped me. It wasnt the barriers, no, i couldve jumped over. It wasnt the many eyes watching as i leant over the edge and felt nothing but a sort of high, no, They wouldnt of mattered. It wasnt my so called best friend talking to the guy she ditched me for, she wouldnt of noticed. I was just scared. Scares […]

7/20/2014 8 comments

I Am My Feet

by RealTalk30 7/17/2014

written by RealTalk30

I am my feet, and my ways. Guided by peace to this day. I need my needs, cause I am sand. So I will slip in to your hands, and beyond your reach.
I speak the words holding me, like clashing these bricks and these swords, cutting deep through my soul. I reap the rewards for good seeds and still retain some sort of piece to myself.
I am my feet, no, not my name. Guided by hate through this game. I need release from this place and the chains still draining me until this day.
I am my search and my sins. Guided by […]

7/17/2014 1 comment

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