For as long as I remember I was frightened. I feared other people as I wasn’t nearly as good as any of them. Then I joined the military and I was more scared. But then I started drinking and the fear left me. Being gay in a straight world (and a drunk) is not healthy. I was very frightened others would find out I was gay. My gay relationships were few – with occasional encounters – and after each encounter I feared people would know and I would have to leave the military. I never talked about my sexuality. Then through my alcohol addiction and a “disastrous” night I was […]
my friend introduced wicca to me and i’m soooo interested in it…we even did a séance to my dad…it was soooo emotional. I would like to start practicing but I have no idea where to start and me and her have lost connection….any ideas or references???
“cut my arm as many times as you would cut yours”
words from my sister, i told her that i would never hurt her the way i hurt myself.
I held her as tight as i could as she cried in my wounded arms. She cleaned the blood and bandaged me up and said never to do it again, and continued crying. Every time i think to cut i remember that, but it still doesn’t stop me. I am so messed up, i don’t hate it anymore. I can tolerate it, i can live with it now. Is that weird? Many think so, even my shrink thinks […]
You seemed so full of sweetness at the start
But like a big red rose that’s made of paper
There isn’t any sweetness in your heart
Paper Roses
Paper Roses
My parents don’t know im suicidal and ive been thinking about it more and more…Today i went out with my bestfriend whom they both trust. We went to a bonfire. Left. He got lost and when we got back to town we grabbed some food but the chef was gone and our food took forever. Basic basically i came home 30 minutes late and they start snapping on me. Talkimg about respect. I seriously hate them, they compare me to my brother who lies to them all the time and does a lot of drugs. But they don’t know that and flip on me for […]
Ive been in this bed for almost a year. I cant seem to make myself go outside and be a normal person and have a life. Almost every day I think about killing myself since i am a burden to my family and boyfriend. I am unmotivated and have social anxiety i dont know what to do with my life or even know where to start. The George Washington bridge all ways seems to be calling to me and the only thing that keeps me from going over the edge is the fear of what if i survive and making everyone i care about sad. […]
I am at the point I have already done everything I wanted to. That is within my reach anyway. Hope? For what? I have no family and don’t want one, working is hardly a reason to stick around. That’s all I do.
I love the sand and sea, but not enough to stay and I hardly doubt they will miss me.
Even at the end of a dream vacation thoughts of suicide start coming back out of their hiding place.
I have tried shamelessly to connect and create a life for myself and it just isn’t enough. The only thing I am proud of is how […]
Well lets start with this. My first suicide attempt was when i was 12, its only gotten worse from there. I was so horrified from even the thought of ever wanting to hurt myself. Then my mind just got so damaged with my own horrible thoughts. I tried to hang myself with a belt in my bedroom when no one was home. Back then no one knew about my depression. Not my family, friends, no one. Yeah, life sucks, right?
I don’t know where to start. I’m a girl, I’m 20 and I think I’ve completely ruined my life.
I have cheated on my boyfriend of three years several times when drunk. I had sex with one, and the others were kisses only.
what can I do? Well, I’ve told him. He forgave me. But I did it once more than he knows about. I don’t know what to do, I don’t think there’s any way out. I love him so much, I truly do. I don’t know why I do it when I’m drunk.
You can say it, I’m a complete *****. I know.
But guys, I think […]
Fuck it all.
I tried to make my friends understand what I go through,and the harsh reality hit me:I had no true friends.They were only using me while I was still usable and now that I am going through a hard time,all of them,absolutely all of them,dumped me.
I miss the days when I was together with my ex-girlfriend.We were both struggling with extreme suicidal thoughts and depression,among many other mental illnesses,and we were supporting each-other through this shit.I guess now that she got better she doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore.That’s good…It’s good…It’s all fucking good…Wish you fucking luck with that German guy you are […]
I’ve been depressed for years. Abused at an early age by a neaighbor.. That was the start. I got into trouble hung out with the assholes for no reason other them they were in pain too. I have a beautifal family who i love so much. It kills me to be the way i am. I went to prison i hurt people in fights and i paid dearly for it. I found out one day that i wasn’t like the sociopaths i was surrounded by and i had a massive nervous breakdown. I was. Sent to a psych ward and then i spent 18 months […]
Tonight I found myself driving my brother home because my uncle had made a statement implying that we’re both wasters living off the state. My brother was seething with anger and rejected the notion but for me it’s put things into perspective. All my life I’ve made excuses for myself and thought that I should be judged less harshly because I have a learning disability and suffer from anxiety and depression. I thought my family should love me no matter what. But now I realise the world doesn’t give a fuck about my problems, my weaknesses, or the bad cards it’s dealt. Â I can’t afford […]
It makes me sad to think more than a year ago I wrote my suicide note. I’ve been looking through my old diaries and posts and realised something,i’ve never really been happy in life. Even my diaries from my childhood I was writing about how sad I was. This past year has taught me a lot about myself and the world. I guess I never really had a chance in llife to start with. I grew up with a mother who constantly lies,use to be in a mental home and is horrible. MY dad is the only person I can rely on for the truth,but […]
Hi all, I’ll start with a quick intro of myself/my situtation. I’m 19, two para-suicides. I am now certain that I want to die. My last attempt was an overdose on anti-depressants and paracetamol which failed, before that, a cutting of the wrist. Now that I am sure, however, I’d like to go peacefully. I’ve refrained from giving anyone any hints and just really want to be left alone at this point, very tired. I don’t feel like I have the necessary skills required to function in this world and furthermore I have very little desire to do so. I live alone so suicide over […]
I haven’t posted in a while so thought I’d give an update for anyone who’s interested.
Also, I’m hoping it might give some people a bit of hope? Who knows.
Last time I posted I was literally at the point of ending it all. I’d already tried once but passed out; I’d been taken in by the police on a separate occasion and things were getting messy. I just wanted things over. There didn’t seem to be any other way that made sense. I had one last visit with my psych and they upped my meds. They told me they were putting me into day hospital. […]
life is useless for me…. i’m 40 years now…. i spent most of my life dealing with depression….. i took lot of antidepressents but for some reason i don’t feel i’m the same person after taking antidepressents for so long….. i wake up everyday thinking i have nothing to do, how will this day pass….. i try to sleep as much as possible but that doesn’t help always…. i have lived alone and don’t have friends so its gets tough… i feel i’m too old to make friends now…. i’m too old to start my life…. i have no goals, nothing to accomplish….. so why […]
I want to disappear.
I’m sick of this life and the people in it. I want to slip out quietly through the back door and start over somewhere new where no one knows me. Â I want to travel the world and find the place the I’m the happiest, a place that actually needs me.
Do you ever get the urge to spontaneously start dancing because the joy you feel is so overwhelming? There’s a song playing in your head, you’re beautiful, everyone loves you, and your future is sure to be awesome?
Does that ever happen to you?
Well, I will start in history, when I was 12. I was at father’s place, it was my home, but I started to have some creepy nightmare. Everything was so dark and in the end there was a demon, that was something like Satan and God in one. It dreamed that every night for 7 months. And after that I started noticing some problems my father have with my mother. And only one question changed everything. He was totally angry and he shouted at me “Go fucking kill yourself”. It was so painful.
That night I dreamed that same nightmare and when I woke up I […]
hey everyone needed ur help, hmmm don’t know where should i start from im 25 unemployed with a mba degree, i have a sister who is excellent at everything she does whether studies or in career. Lol i hate to say this but these days in getting jealous of her. She is loved by everyone around and always excel in anything she do as far as in concerned i don’t think that i even exist in this world. she overpowers me im like a shadow who is there but no one can feel its existence