This is my story and i hope it gives all of you out there some hope.
I was always a good girl. I had friends not many but yea. First everything was good. I wasn’t the thinnest but I was happy with who I am. But when I came to 5th grade, all my friends were away. All of them were on another school. I thought it couldn’t be that hard to make new friends but it was. No one in my new class liked me. They called me names like fattie. Everyday I got home I went in my room and cried. I just cried, […]
I am on the edge. Trying to determine whether or not it’s time for me to die. I just want the curse to be lifted. I want to be set free. Happy again.
But what if dying is not as wonderful as it seems?
I don’t necessarily want to kill myself. But i think most of us on this site have contemplated it at least once before.
I recently made the decision not to eat any more. My stomach is too large. My thighs are too bulky. My arms are too fat. i hate being ugly. it sucks.
“Suicide is never the answer.” yeah, okay, i get that. But […]
I am obviously perfect. I am the best person possible.
I am the most talented person who ever lived. Not being able to do anything well is the most important and amazing ability anyone could have.
I am the most handsome and good looking person ever. Who could ever say lazy eyes, thick messy hair, big head, giant thighs stomach and face, and an annoying voice is ugly?
I am the nicest and sociable person ever. Everyone loves how I say the most awkward things possible and the blank looks they give me mean they think I am the greatest person ever.
This doesn’t work at all.
I cant breath I cry and I am facing a pillow I ralize I cant breath and I am holding my breath half of my mind is telling me its okay and my body is screaming WHAT ARE U DOING START BREATHINGSTOP BEING STUPID AND IS CUSSING I looked info on suicide and how people act I noticed I am like that ii cry and say how did I get here and I realize my mom is a drunk and druggie she dint even care enough when I was in her stomach to not do drugs not me or my lil sist. but my […]
So I’ve been dealing with depression for awhile, and it’s been in different forms each time if that makes sense? Like meaning the way I see myself and others around me. Beginning in highschool and through it I had a rough time dealing with others, by my junior year I was into death metal and planning on getting a gun to kill everyone in school. Even now I’m not as shaken by that statement as I should be and that’s what lead me to my next part of depression. By my second year of college I was alone, sure I had family and friends who would see me, sometimes […]
I have lost the will to live it takes alot to make me smile and hardly anything to upset me. I have no energy anymore have lost intrest in my favirote things. I first started starveing myself around age 16 because i always felt fat, ugly and stupid comared to everyone eles. Ill go a couple days without eating then give in and consume a sick amount of food only to feel horrible afterwards. Food is an enemy i regret every meal i eat.
Self hatred has caused me to cut myself which turned into an everyday vice. Iv developed a blood lust waiting and […]
I have an empty, but knotted feeling in my stomach. It almost makes me want to cry. I’m being constantly ignored when I need to talk. It’s almost as if I want to talk to someone, no ones here. The more I write, the more I get that feeling. I hate it. I can’t say why though. Why I’m so, so.. I don’t know. I just want to die. If life just stays in a negative path, what’s the point of living. I’m known as one of the oldest veterans on Suicide Projects, maybe I won’t be a veteran anymore..
Every day I wake up wishing that I hadn’t.
I’m always tired. That fatigue I feel cannot be cured by a good nights sleep or a nap. Sometimes I feel that it will only ever truly be satisfied by death. Does anyone know what that’s like?
To wake up every morning sick to your stomach because you’re alive?
But-I try to bribe myself out of bed. I know that I have to keep myself busy-constantly run my brain because if I stop-those thoughts will catch up with me. I desperately try to find solace in the world. Feel the warmth of the sun, watch funny YouTube videos, draw…Â but it’s like trying […]
Today, I turned 18 years old.
On my 16th birthday, after crying myself to sleep, I vowed to never cry over my family again. Instead of focusing on all of the things that were destroying me, I focused on the diet I had started about 10 days prior. It took control of my entire life. By July I weighed less than 100 pounds, my bones stuck out, but I still wanted to be skinnier. I rarely ate, but when I did, I made sure to throw it up.
I started recovering last summer, June 2012. It went well for awhile, but once school started back […]
I am putting a lot of thought into my pending exit from this world. I have what I need to do it and do it right. I have a departure statement that I am working on for mass consumption, to be posted on FB as a note with tags to a select group of people who will act as hubs for anyone else who needs to know and I have done my personal apologies where possible. I have figured out how to make sure I am found right away by the police and not some random sap that likely doesn’t need that kind of interruption […]
I just read a post here by the user JerzyBoy. It broke my heart to read that such a beautiful soul hurts so much. Dear JerzyBoy, I love you too. I must not know what it feels like to be at the end of the rope if God doesn’t even seem to help. I can’t possibly imagine your pain and your broken spirit and mind. I hope you continue to live and something miraculous happens to make your life worth while for you. To imagine you dying is breaking my mind, to be honest. To imagine you taking your own life churns my stomach and I […]
I have always been a lost child in the wonders of how this world work, felt different, alone, unwanted. My perception of life was so different from others to the point I was unsure what the definition of life was… to me life was what we based it on what we create of it, not repetition and constant drills to form us into all similar beings. I never understood peoples fascination with money when I was younger, it was paper… why did people fight over it. As I grew I started becoming more frustrated with the world in lack of understanding the point of it […]
It’s one of those nights when I feel so alone. There’s a hole in my stomach that holds a faint physical pain and a tremendous emotional one. It’s as if I died right this second I’d be okay with that and not a single person would miss me. I want to cut myself to sleep, and if I never wake up that’s all the better. I haven’t wanted to kill myself in months, but right now… I forgot how bad it felt, honestly. My minds racing and it’s focusing on all the stupid crap I’ve done, I want to cut so bad, but my dad’s […]
I don’t know. my parents were addicted to meth. To be honest my mom did meth through out the time I was in her stomach. I did not come out wrong I was never normal though. My parents loved me of course but they were always to busy doing drugs and stealing from the government to really take good care of me. My mom eventually went to prison for 5 year. I was sad of course but she left all the time anyways so it was normal. My dad quit meth. He started drinking. Most people would be happy but my dad was worse when […]
Well, I am here now, after I couldn’t figure out where to go finally I found this site, and I hope this is gonna help me.Â
I had severe depression for two and a half-three years. My story started when I turned four or five, my brother started to act weird. First he was hurting me all the time, he was nine at the time, but it was okay, this is no big deal between siblings. I was always the type of kid who is playing alone and trying to stay out of trouble. My brother started to fight with my parents, first it wasn’t […]
All I can produce are tears. Tears of anger, frustration, irritation or just sadness. I really can’t tell the difference. I can just feel the wetness run down my cheeks and the salty taste on my lips. My chest caving in and a sharp pain in my stomach, as if someone piercing it with a knife. My heart is spinning and I can’t seem to tie down on a single thought…I’m lost..and it feels like I’m in this dark corner, forever alone, sadness consuming.
had a thought today what if i did actually kill myself? one of my siblings or my mother finding me? then telling the whole family/close people relating to my death..tears streamed down my face, yes i do feel sad at times and suicidal and when turning to God i feel He isn’t helping me…although God has a plan for me and things happen for a reason..i cannot see or feel that things are picking up but seeing hurt upon my mother’s eyes? even though i would be dead..my mother going through life with pain and hurt from losing a child, her baby who grew in […]
i live with my parents (again) and i’m 28 years old, nearly 29. i work on computers for 40 hours a week. over the past year i have cleared up a lot of debt (largely in part because mom and dad have not charged me rent and put a dinner on the table for me). i’m coming up on a year at my current job; the end of May marks both my 1-year anniversary and my birthday.
about this time last year i was calling the police on some dumb ***** and her self-centered daughter when she threatened my life. i was such a wreck, racing […]
Pain overriding any rational thoughts
only feeling what I want most not too
Churning in my stomach, and burning in my chest
How did this happen, I ask
Only to be reminded that there is no explanation
No concrete answer to the question I’m seeking
I just have to accept what is.
Accepting a reality of isolation, loneliness and solitude
Feeling imprisoned by my own being
Trapped in a world I can’t escape
Following me wherever I go.
My mind plagues my every thought
The inner bully condemning every part of me
Ruthless, harsh and callous
Never stopping with its relentless bashing.
Only sleep gives […]
So, I found out that one of my friends that I had made a gift bag for didn’t like me, so I decided to mark out her name and put Trevor’s. Well, I didn’t get to give it to him. I went to get my trumpet, and he was in there with two of his friends, Jack and Jacob. They were pointing at my friends, calling them names. I said “If anybody points at me, it ain’t gonna be pretty!’ And of course, all three of them pointed at me. Trevor was closest to me, so I stepped up to him (OH MY GOD HE […]
Please log in to report posts