When you’re just sitting enjoying yourself then suddenly stop and pause then your whole mood changes and it’s kinda hard to breathe and it feels like your insides are crying…
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stop
When I first started writing on this website, which is February 2012, I was going through little things. I was a senior in high school worried about the way I look. Like crying everyday because I thought I was ugly, or crying because my peers would make fun of me and somebody told me to kill myself. And as I look back at those moments, I wish I didn’t let that little stuff bother me. Because It was nothing. It was little. Let’s fast forward to my third year of college. I am at the point in my life where death and the afterlife does […]
Life isn’t perfect it’s hard to manage. Life is a ***** and doesn’t let you live it how you want it. Well the people that also live in this so called world. So I leave you here to figure out the world without me because I was never good at a fight. I’m not a fighter I look at the reasons and there is only one way to stop this pain. Suicide sorry that it has to come to this sorry that I wasn’t up for the good life. Sorry that I let you down sorry that I made you sad.. but they good part […]
Finally done with a horrible relationship and most of the pain that came with it. There are days when I still can’t believe that it has happened and that I am where I am. I am jealous that he has good things and I don’t I constantly compare my life to his. He was a horrible person and yet he has managed to move on find someone who accepts him and cares about him, has good friends, everything I want. I am a better person than him I feel like I deserve those small things more than he does and it is unfair. Someone told […]
So I just spent the last 3 and a half days in the hospital with inflammation of my appendix and lower GI. Long story short, it wasn’t a pleasant stay. Although when is going into the hospital ever fun? Being probed, scanned, x-rayed, and treated like a human pin cushion isn’t my idea of a swell time. Can’t sleep in there for more than 30 minutes at a time with hourly vital check ups, lab works, and of course unannounced visitors. Not to say I’m not thankful for the friends and family who did come see me. Which is more than what I can say […]
I.Feel.Like.Shit! I can never stop feeling like shit. It feel like I was born to feel like shit because it never goes away.Nothing ever takes me away from feeling so down. I got to counseling but it never helps. The only time I feel good is when I am with other people ! When I am alone …..I just think I think about the absolute worst!!!! I can’t stop the thoughts, it’s like I can’t breathe . I consider killing myself almost everyday but I’m Afraid. I just want to get out of this hell of a life. This shitty ass life that I can’t […]
I find it so difficult to exist, to be.
Am I the only one that feels existence is horrible? That to exist is too much. That the possibility of being trapped in eternity existing is so overwhelming that I can’t breath.
I can’t run away from existence, I am even petrified that when I kill myself I will still be trapped in existence. One is so powerless and out of control. Just trapped for all eternity if eternity exists. Unable to get away from being. Unable to not be. I wish it could all stop. I can stop. Just an end. Nothing more, nothing less. Just stop
Let me tell you a story.
In the little town of Chaonite there are little minions called Chaonites. There is a group of Chaonites called Chrischaonites and they claim to know the one and only truth. They say that machaonites can only fuck fechaonites, and fechaonites can only fuck machaonites. Everything goes according to plan until one day, a fechaonite desides she wants to fuck another lovely little fechaonite. The Chrischaonites don’t like this, not one bit. They tie up this strange evil fechaonite and process her in their holy slaughterhouse, where the blood is drained out of her pretty body and mixed with sugar and put […]
Mum asked me today if I have any plans for next week.
No mum, nothing much.
Yes mum, I’m going to kill myself if you give me half a chance.
I want to comfort her in advance but she’d stop me.
I have to do this for myself…
Or die trying.
That’s the idea anyway.
Sorry, lol. The clock won’t stop screaming and there’s only one way to make it stop.
Going to use one of those industrial strength zip ties on my hands next time, so even if I want to I won’t be able to save myself.
I am so fucked up.
I’ve hesitated putting anything on here for a couple of days, because I don’t have anything to say anymore.
I wish I didn’t live with people, or at least with people who care so damn much. Checking up on me every hour.
If I was on my own I could spend my last day how I want to. And then the day could wind down to an end and I could just drift off.
So fucking bored […]
standing at the bus stop and a guy pulled over and gave me his number… just a little perk that made me smile today.
its the little things that pull you through.
Shame its effect didn’t last long before the thoughts came back…
I’ll be fine, less down. going about my day, and WHAM, a sense of despair, of sadness, of desperation strong enough to metaphorically (and sometimes literally) drop me to the ground will slam into me. Just out of nowhere, the pain is so much, too much. I don’t want this anymore. Please, make it stop. If there’s a higher power, if there’s a dash of kindness in the universe, make it stop. Make me stop. Let me die. I can’t handle this. I don’t want to feel this anymore. There isn’t anywhere for me on this […]
i’m working at my dream job. it is stressful but meaningful that i have some “uh-huh life is good” moments from time to time.
but every time when i sit down quietly, i can feel the pain. i feel the emptiness in my chest. i still wish i were dead.
seems like i see the good things as separate incidents while blaming all the bad things on life as a whole.
i never thought the day would come that oomf wouldn’t love me anymore. It’s hard every night knowing that yeah yall go together , but they still do everything that makes you mad. They don’t care anymore to see what’s wrong with you, even if you do tell them they’re not gonna listen. Suicide is the best way to stop the pain, right?
I can’t even muster up the will to write more than a few lines. It hurts and I want it to stop
Why does it hurt so much
Why does everyone hate me
OK so I’m 16 years old and I am really close with a teacher at my school. She’s keeping a secret from everyone else that I do drugs (Pain killers) and she’s trying to help me bring up my grades by DRAGGING me to tutorials. And talking to me about why I feel so empty. But she is trying to get me to stop taking drugs and cutting myself, and I cant. She shows me how much she loves and cares about me, and I love it. But I’m hurting her by continuing to do the bad things that I do. So I just decided to […]
I just recently was discharged from a psych ward. This was my second hospitalization. I’m still suicidal and have been for a long time. My parents told me today that I need to “try harder to be happy.” I’m just sick of hearing shit like this.
I just feel like dying, how am I supposed to stop all of a sudden. I just don’t understand their logic. I’ve been struggling with depression and self harm for about 8 years now (since I was 10 years old). And haven’t felt happy to be alive in about 2 years. My suicidal thoughts / planning have increased and became […]
Have you ever just felt unappreciated? You go above and beyond for everyone and some way some how you’re always lacking something. Nothing you do is good enough, who you are isn’t good enough. It gets lonely at that point and all you want is someone who sees how rare you really are and appreciates it and holds on to you as long as they can because they know for a fact another like you won’t come along.
You begin to feel stuck and don’t know what else to do with yourself. It weighs in heavier and heavier, the depression, the sadness, the emptiness, and […]
Hey, Dead Girl!! Don’t cry for me.
It was a tragic existence,
this life you leave.
No ones to blame , but this for sure,
They hated your beauty, something you misunderstood.
You lived in a Bird cage on your own accord.
A cage of ugliness,
With an unlocked door.
They called you “fat”
They called you “whore”
But it was false, you never felt the touch of a lovers hand before.
So….. To your tormentors,
You sow the seeds of that mornings ghastly, ghoulish deed.
It was at the bus stop,
For your prosecutors to see.
You hang by your neck,
From the […]