Last night was really scary. I’m 18, I’ve had suicidal thoughts off and on for over a year now, but lately they are pretty relentless. Yesterday I was having them all day, I’m not even sure why. I also just relapsed with my eating disorder. Every day I either restrict calories or eat and then make myself sick. I threw up twice yesterday. When it came time to go to bed I could not think about anything other than killing myself. I started to drift off and as I did I started picturing everyone who knows me going to my funeral and reacting to my […]
Tag:
success
Since when did I start drinking every single night to the point of oblivion. And since when was not getting to that point a disappointment.
I am unhappily tipsy.
Hooray for success! I’m married! I own my own home! We have a backyard! We actually have money in our savings account!
Like that solves anything I mean really. I’m still alone tonight. I’m still sad and angry and crying tonight.
Hello.
Let me just start out by saying my life has been shitty since my teenage years. I started really feeling these types of feelings when I was 13. It was bad, really bad. My family life was not great and I had no social skills. I wasn’t abused, mistreated or any of the like. I just didn’t really develop those social skills you need to succeed in life. I started having these thoughts at 13 and it progressed as I got older and nothing really improved. There was something in the back of my mind which kept telling me things will get better, don’t give […]
I have my plan in place, I’ve always tried by pills with no success.  Wed I plan to go in front of a train. I have a meeting and after the meeting it should be dark enough I can do so without being seen until it’s too late.  Right now there is no fear but I am sure when it comes I will feel scared. At least I will feal something. At least I can put all these suicidal thoughts to rest.  I plan on burning all my print journals and closing all my social accounts wed morning. I don’t know if I want to […]
if you are reading this then i am hopfully be dead or at least in hospital! wish me luck and be happy my suffering has ended! 😀
I lack the ability to be persistent,so it’s the end of the line.
by jackraiden
written by jackraiden
Up till now, i have always tried to change my life.
I have tried to be consistent, in everything but failed..in everything.
Everything i try from losing weight to even brushing my teeth ends up not being done, and im sick of it, im sick of it all, life is a god damn chore that i don’t want to join, its sucks,i have no one else that understands me, no one, all i have are idiots around me, my family and friends will never understand me and how painful it is thinking this way, getting up to wash your face feels like climbing a mountain.
I will never […]
In fact, I’m an introverted person and prone to analyzing everything in my life. I always think over and over again about my mistakes, about what I should do and what I shouildn’t do, I always analyze my life. Sometimes I can’t sleep, because I think too much. I’m shy and I experience lack of self-confidence. I live like a vegetable. I want nothing, I have no goals, I don’t want to do anything. I’m 22 years old and this summer I’ll graduate from the university, but I don’t know what to do with my life…I’m depressed for a long time, I suppose approximately 9 […]
its may become memoriable day for me…………my birth was on 13th may 1995 ,4.45 am…………do u know till now i lived 6161 days…………i wanna make my life different from others…yes ill do…………i have exam on 27…ill try hard from now ………..coz it can take me to that world ,4 wat i am willing…………there r so many people who will tell you u cant i want 2 say them just WATCH ME ……………:)…………….now i am going to take a long bath then ill start my journey towards my success ………..”i want to fly,
up there in the sky
nd my dreams are my wings..”‘…..all my […]
I’ve read quite a few stories on here and found it helpful to put my own issues into perspective. It hurts to read how many people are suffering. I wish there was something I could do to help…but I can barely help myself. Every setback or failure makes me feel like I’m ready to let go…and every success or good thing makes me feel undeserving and on the verge of failure. It’s so difficult to see that things do get better. Especially when you’ve been alone for such a very long time and you know you’re not typical or normal or not sure you’re worth […]
To the people around me I’m just that average semi popular kid who has a lot of friends and is always smiling. If they only knew how much effort I have to use to pretend like I’m this happy person. When in reality all I think about is ending my life. I weigh 120 lbs I’m 5’7 and I’m almost 18. I’ve attempted suicide a couple times with no success, I don’t even know why I continue to live this miserable existence. I suffer from terrible anxiety, bi polar, and bpd. I’ve tried multiple medicines, years of therapy their isn’t much left to try. I […]
Laying around the past few days trying to get over this sinus infection before I go, my thoughts have revolved around possible failure. I do not fear success in killing myself but rather starting, and then waking up in a hospital bed with a breathing tube down my throat and my ankles and wrists in restraints.
That actually scares me since I have a terrible gag response to anything touching the back of my throat and even the thought of my arms being restrained would put me into claustrophobic panic. They could tie my feet and legs but not my arms being pinned down, as that […]
Seven years ago my husband left me and my one year old daughter. Â He was very verbally abusive and I never realized how much he tore me down. Â Since then it has been one bad relationship (if you can call them that) after another. Â I have been smacked around, forced to have sex, and used just for sex and I stupidly believed that people loved me when in fact they were just using me. Â I don’t think anyone has ever really loved me. Â The only person that has kept me going is my daughter but I am starting to think maybe she is better off […]
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