Tag:

suicidal ideation

giving up

by twodoxies 10/15/2015

written by twodoxies

There is a significant part of me that can’t believe I’m posting this kind of note on a public forum. Isn’t this supposed to be private, after all? But I think the anonymity makes it easier to be perfectly frank, and that seems like a laudable goal at this stage. So here goes…

First, I’ve had suicidal ideation episodically for years, but I have reached the point where it’s time to stop fantasizing and to act.

Second, objectively speaking, my life isn’t the worst. I still have a roof over my head and sufficient food, but I’m deeply in debt, earn too little to keep up, and […]

10/15/2015 6 comments

How not to share.

by Thatothersmightlive 10/3/2015

written by Thatothersmightlive

So I haven’t written in this blog for a while. Why? During my time away from this my depth of depression sunk deeper as I found that the world around me continue to push me aside, saying I was no longer physically able to work in my chosen fields. And since I was not working, that ment my knowledge of those fields was no longer of value.So it was best, they said in unspoken words, that I sit at home and wait to die.
So that’s what happened, but as I sat at home in physical pain from my chronic illness and the emotional pain […]

10/3/2015 2 comments

Introduction to Myself

by finish this waste of a life 7/23/2015

written by finish this waste of a life

Well… Hi. I just joined and I thought an introduction to myself might be a good idea so anybody commenting or replying to my posts would understand some of the circumstances and viewpoints of the person they are talking to.

I am pretty young, younger than probably most of the the people on here, but I have definitely met younger in situations similar to mine (as far as the whole depression thing goes). I am 14, my birthday is after the school year starts but before the new year so I am among the youngest of my class.

I am going into sophomore year in an IB […]

7/23/2015 3 comments

Don’t give in

by AfflictedSmile 7/10/2015

written by AfflictedSmile

Just wanted to share some love to all of you who are struggling.

Maybe you feel like you can’t go another day. You feel like taking your last breath. You feel the weight of the world on top of you, caving in on your chest. You feel it so much it’s went from just being mental, to a real physical pain. You feel you don’t belong or have a place in this world. You cry yourself to sleep some or most nights. You have suicidal ideation. You think about what this world would be without you, and probably feel it wouldn’t even notice your absence.

I’ve been […]

7/10/2015 4 comments

From a conversation with Salt and Randall

by bayareaguy 6/23/2015

written by bayareaguy

Randall and Salt had responded to my last post of Saturday afternoon which detailed the latest episode of exhaustion I had on Friday/Saturday. They asked some good questions about what may happen to the mind if a person chooses to take their life by jumping from a height. I was grateful for the honest and kind way they approached the subject and respected my spiritual beliefs. Below is my response to them. I am hoping others (or the two of them) will continue to respond, because their words, questions and observations, really did make me think. And with the large number of posts on the […]

6/23/2015 1 comment

Ariii

by ariii 6/19/2015

written by ariii

This is a long story, so bear with me.

From the beginning: I’m a female, live in a pretty rural setting, was 20 years old when things got really bad. I’ve experienced complex trauma and was pretty angry, violent, self-destructive, depressed etc. all through childhood and adolescence. I moved to a new town in my late teens, got a job at a local social services agency, and moved into an apartment, which after about 9 months my partner moved into also. Mid December — right before finals week at college, actually — my partner and I ended things and she moved out. We had been together the […]

6/19/2015 5 comments

my parents left on a trip and I feel like it’s my time to leave this world

by treefrog 5/30/2015

written by treefrog

I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life. I struggle with mental illnesses, one being chronic suicidal ideation. I’ve lost everyone, no one understands me. My parents told me to do it, just not in their house. So I’ve found a place where I won’t disrespect my parents or their home. Just one problem. I have two beautiful, loving, loyal cats who have saved my life on multiple occasions. I don’t know if they’ll ever find a home with someone who loves them more than me. I’m not saying that cuz I think I’m anything special, but they are my very best friends. I […]

5/30/2015 4 comments

First post

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 5/4/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

This is my first time posting anything here, so I feel like I should introduce myself a bit. My name is Rae. I’m transgender, my preferred pronouns are his/him. I’m asexual and aromantic. I write sometimes, draw even less. I read a lot, though. I was going to go to college for psychology and philosophy, but I probably won’t make it that far. My favorite colors are white, gold, red, and black, in that order. I really love flowers and reptiles and am constantly torn between the two. Alright, this is just turning into me babbling about myself, but whatever.

Anyway, I found this site and […]

5/4/2015 4 comments

PPD

by sy 1/1/2015

written by sy

I have had postpartum depression for a few months now aggravated to suicidal ideation by medications. In a short period of time, my world fell apart and I don’t feel like myself anymore. It’s hard to live but it’s also so difficult to die:( Anyone feel similar?

1/1/2015 5 comments

People hurt.

by jasal 12/29/2014

written by jasal

They really do. They hurt so much that sometimes I really wish I could be all alone in this world. I wish I had no family or friends, that I could live entirely on my own. And sometimes I envision a future where that’s how I really live. Phone calls to my parents, occasionally, gifts mailed out during the holidays to some of my relatives, but nothing more than those few interactions. Nothing face-to-face or substantial. The only downside to this grand future is that I am inherently extroverted, and isolation feeds my depression and anxiety and ultimately makes me feel worse. I need people […]

12/29/2014 0 comment

Live, ye awesome motherfuckers!

by Procel 12/29/2014

written by Procel

With a new year approaching I can never help but to ponder. Ponder the years gone by and the year to come. I’ve gotta admit for the most part looking back I feel three emotions above all others. Pride, embarrassment and sadness. Pride at coming this far, despite picking out a go date, more than once, despite getting hold of method after method, most painless and most sure fire. Despite every descision I took that screwed my life up I somehow stayed with it. I’m gonna be proud about that if ye don’t mind. And embarrassed at the way I usto be, way back when. […]

12/29/2014 10 comments

fuck

by schema 12/22/2014

written by schema

looking at my classes for next semester are making me feel fucking sick and disgusted. i hate meeting new people and having to leave the old ones behind. i am no good at people–i don’t understand them and they do not like me very much, not at all. i wish i could be in a high-school system where i’d have to deal with the same kids for a year and then switch; even then, it would be very possible to have a lot of the same people i know in my classes from year to year. in college, it’s definitely a gamble. you’ll probably get […]

12/22/2014 1 comment

by schema 11/22/2014

written by schema

Someone told me a few days ago that their birthday was April 20th and that got me thinking about Columbine again. Of course, thinking about Columbine got me started on death and suicide again, so I watched a bunch of videos with shootings ending in suicide, and looking up suicide obituaries. I secretly thought I was moving forward, but I guess I’m not. I tried to look up how to tie a bedsheet noose, but it’s a lot different than an actual noose, judging by the photos online. I wasn’t even feeling suicidal until I started trying to make it, and then it just hit […]

11/22/2014 1 comment

Oceans Between Us

by GalaxyEyesXx 11/19/2014

written by GalaxyEyesXx

This is my first post on this site though I have read many stories that I relate to deeply. I have had depression since pre-pubescent years and suicidal ideation since fourth grade. A feeling of worthlessness has always presided over my life; I have never been able to fit in and because of that it only reinforces the fact that I don’t belong here. After many attempts to free myself from this world, I am composing a final plan to sever the silver chorde. Before you say that I need to seek help, let me assure you that I decided to seek help for years […]

11/19/2014 7 comments

Pens

by schema 11/12/2014

written by schema

I love pens. I love finding them on the ground or on a desk and taking them for myself. I don’t know what it is about having a lot of pens that makes me feel good. I just bought 108 pens on Amazon just now for pretty cheap. I feel guilty, though, because I am from a very poor family that never had the money to buy pens or pencils for school. We’d have a few that we used, the rest were my dad’s pens which we couldn’t use since he wanted to keep them for himself. Maybe I get it from my dad. I […]

11/12/2014 4 comments

therapy

by schema 11/4/2014

written by schema

I’ve only been to one therapy session before. It was rather recent–maybe two or so weeks ago. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I made the appointment in a moment of desperation (I tried to interact with a person and it didn’t exactly work out). I though that instead of crying and cutting over it, I would be appropriate and handle my porcelain emotions carefully and not break myself. As soon as I called to make the appointment, I found out that I had to wait like 3 weeks. I lost it after I hung up and ended up cutting myself, […]

11/4/2014 4 comments

New with Conflicting Thoughts

by Chandelier203 9/21/2014

written by Chandelier203

Hello all. I am new to the website. Recently I’ve had depressive moments to the point in where I wanted to leave the world. I was ready to overdose today, but I felt guilty when it came to thinking about leaving my boyfriend and friends. I convinced myself that I have to die, in order to end the suffering and bad thoughts. But alas, here I am. I hate being alive. We are to be in charge of our own lives yet we can’t take it away…hmmm.

9/21/2014 2 comments

What am I still doing here?

by Scarlett Dawn 8/23/2014

written by Scarlett Dawn

I question my existence every waking minute. It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep, I live within nightmares whether lucid or subconsciously. I have tried everything to change my mind but there is nothing left for me here. I fear myself to be a burden to those whom I love and in my demise I feel as though I would free them of their constant angst due to the worry they possess for me. The problem is; I don’t want to die! But I am not living. This is not living. I am merely respiring, merely going through the motions of being alive. Yet […]

8/23/2014 3 comments

Suicidal Ideation and Knives

by P03T3SS 7/4/2014

written by P03T3SS

Whenever I wash the dishes, it’s always the knives that get to me. I’m very careful when washing and drying knives by hand. I am particularly careful with chef or butcher knives, especially at my grandfather’s house.

But today, as well as the previous day, I’ve felt suicidal. There are many reasons why I hate knives, and suicide or self-harm is one (or rather two) of those reasons…

Me washing a big knife, drying it, and then putting it into the drawer (with all the other chef knives)… It makes me feel so numb. There I am, standing there, envisioning myself stabbing diagonally, into my chest, from […]

7/4/2014 2 comments

Wanting to Die… for Over 30 years.

by dancebackthesea 6/21/2014

written by dancebackthesea

My mother has always suffered from severe, chronic (mono-polar) depression, and constant suicidal ideation. My brother and I inherited/learned this, but I am the only one in our family who has become “actively” suicidal. So far I’ve been committed more than a dozen times to various laughing academies for the spiritually bewildered, not to mention 3 comas, and other extended stays in hospital ICU’s due to my addiction to self abbreviation. I was even dead for more than two glorious, velvet black minutes, before they revived […]

6/21/2014 51 comments

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