I am on klonopin and abilify and it had been working really really well for a few months. But now, even though nothing in what I take, how I take it, and when, its stopped working and I have regressed. Now everything is worse than it was before, I rarely feel anything and when I do its usually intense anger or sadness and I have started cutting again. My therapist wants me to consider inpatient therapy but there is such a stigma that I am afraid because I dont want people looking at me like I am a crazy person. Suicide is a thought that […]
Tag:
Suicide
I don’t know how long I can keep doing this for. I had planned my suicide for last Tuesday but I got really drunk on Monday and told my auntie so my mum took me to hospital. Now everyone’s pretending like it didn’t happen. I have my exams in less than a week and it’s just another insignificant thing on top of everything else. Although it isn’t a priority teachers and college in general are making me feel lazy and stupid. I wish I could just end it now, go to sleep and never wake it. I’m not scared or upset that I want to die anymore, […]
Got this website while browsing, like my heading state im 30 going on 31 and still want to die every day, some days worse then the others. I would never commit suicide, but i do know that if I could die for someone, if I could go in someone elses place that still want this earth, I would gladly take her.his place. I have searched for 30 years for my purpose which i believe i did what i had and was expected of me -yet dying is what i live for.
This is my first time on the website, so I hope I don’t break any rules or something.
My story is pretty standard: a strict family, crippingly high expectations, and an inability to ever deliver what they wanted culminated in chronic depression and very bad self esteem. I once brought home a B+ for a 7th grade science class. My parents screamed at me and insulted me until I was literally on my knees, sobbing, begging them to stop.
In high school I was absolutely miserable. Because I was shy and socially awkward, I was unpopular, completely ignored. I did well in my classes, but of course not nearly well enough to please my parents. Nobody talked to […]
So I have s terrible family, no friends, I’ve totally ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t see much reason in moving on any more, I’ve been stuck in this rut for my entire life… I’ve wanted to die for so long, and I’ve only ever once attempted suicide when I was 11 (17 now). So yeah, I have no hope and no faith in this life. The only thing that’s been really holding me back from killing myself is that I don’t want people to feel bad over my death (stupid right?), but the agony of living it is worth them feeling […]
The long, sad story of my self-hate and depression:
I know there’s something wrong with me.. i feel there’s something wrong with me.. there HAS to be something wrong with me. I miss my old self. I miss being normal. I’m just getting more and more pathetic day by day. I can’t really explain what’s happening to me. I try to make sense out of it and i can’t. I’ve heard there’s a period of self-hate during life, but it’s just been getting stronger and stronger. Maybe some people just never grow out of it?
To break it down.. i’m a useless piece of sh_t. I have no […]
I’m done. There’s nothing I want more than to die. This isn’t an impulsive decision; I’ve thought long and hard about it and it is really what I want. The problem is that I don’t know how. I’m too afraid to try because I’m afraid it would fail. I need a foolproof, quick, easy way. Something easily accessible. I live alone and don’t leave home, I’m dependent on my mother for almost everything. I can’t exactly ask her to go out and buy a suicide bag for me. I need something I can do by myself. I hate that physician-assisted euthanasia is illegal. I’m not asking how […]
just another day
just another pill
just another life
just another girl
hateing her life
hateing the world
grabbing for the knife
ends all the pain
My bad attitude caused by frustration and self hatred has pushed those who used to care about me far far away. I know we’re all alone no matter what, but it kills me not to have at least that illusion making us feel as though we are not alone. I started cutting a few days ago and each day the  cut gets a  little deeper. I was just looking for a distraction from my emotional pain. I haven’t felt happiness all year. I’m beginning to question if there even is a possibility for me to feel happiness again. I used to rely on strangers to […]
I know you are all suicidal but I just have one request. I wouldn’t say I am against suicide I believe that it is fully the persons choice. I just want you to consider what your problems are becuase I see som many posts on here about people saying they are going to kill themselves over relationships and arguements and I want you to ask If: 1 in five years will this still matter or affect you? 2 Is this permanent or temporary? 3 Is there anything you can do now to get relief from it? 4 how long has this been a problem? 5 […]
 I wish I could turn a clock and go back to the day before I was born. I wish I could make my mom and dad to change their minds and not have another child.
Now I am hanging here, trying to keep up whit life. I always end up crashing down. It´s funny that I know that I can never commit suicide but I´m thinking about death awfully lot.
I just wish that I could be someone else- someone who could just smile and be happy, someone who didn’t care that there is no sense on this world, someone who would just enjoy the fact of […]
Why must there be so many people here? Feel like everyone is watching me closely. I’m on trial everyday it seems, I have had alot of repressed memories revived,… everyday since its happened i can do nothing but think about it. My girlfrind, and mother of my child, cant even look at me anymore because she can tell i am just paranoid all of the time. She isnt very opened minded but i still love her. I love my daughter, but im afraid im going to grow to be an old paranoid recluse, which i basically am now. My judgement is so clouded suicide has to be […]
It’s been at the back of my mind for a while. But now I’ve come to realise that it’s more than just suicidal thoughts. I’ve gotten to a point where I just have this really strong feeling that there’s something not right about me being alive. It’s not a result of bullying or any sort of trauma, it’s just a feeling, a really strong one. Over the past few weeks I’ve been putting myself through relatively dangerous “tests” to see whether I belong here or not. So far, I’ve survived them (clearly) but they’re not enough proof for me that I belong anymore. I just […]
Yesterday, I got arrested for obstructing justice. My parents were not pleased, obviously. Especially my father. I don’t have a close relationship with my father, so I think it was pretty easy for him to disown me as his son. My mom tried to defend me and say that I’ve accompolished a lot in my lifetime, but then my dad pointed a finger at me and said, “when the fuck was the last time this stupid son of a ***** did ANYTHING right? Give me date!”. I wanted to stab him so bad… But then I realized he was right. I haven’t done shit with […]
After reading posts here I’ve noticed a few similarities. Â Sensitive, articulate people, who are lonley and hurting. Â Feeling like outcasts, loners, misunderstood and longing for someone to care. Â Most have been abused by people in their lives, who sound like a bunch of stupid douchebags.
Here’s the closest I can get to a ‘positive thought’ tonight: Why should I feel bad because some asshole was mean to me? Â Fuck that asshole! Â I’m not going to commit suicide, just so I can outlive that bastard and deface his grave!
“Who’s laughing now, *****?! Â Not you, cuz you’re dead!”
(I might be a miserable person, but I still got a […]
I can’t do this anymore…I’ve tried to stay happy but I just can’t. There’s no one I can turn to cause no one cares anymore, I need help I know I do but I can’t afford it and i’m too scared. I don’t want to self harm anymore, I don’t want to feel this pain, I have so many cuts and my arms are so sore everynight. I miss the old me, I miss being happy. I just want to smile but it’s always so much of an effort, I’m breaking apart right in front of the people who I thought had onced cared but […]
Today I was braver than I have been in a long time.
Last year I began starving and throwing up to lose weight. It became a major problem but I made sure no one told. It got better for a few weeks, then took a plunge in December. Coaches, teachers, and friends grew extremely concerned, but I tried making everyone believe I was fine. They saw through me and I started having routine visits to our guidance counselor to check up on me. I lied to her. She found out I lied. I was forced into counseling. At first, I thought I would try, but I […]
I’ve lost someone to suicide. It’s the most enraging experience I’ve been through. There is always that little part of you that can never grieve or get over it, because they chose to end their life. It’s one of the most selfish acts I’ve ever know.
So then, how did I end up thinking about it? First objectively – I don’t want to die, don’t be stupid. I can just understand why some people feel it’s their only way out.
Then, less objectively – I still don’t want to die, per se. I just want to be someone else. I have no idea how I managed to […]
It seems like I walk threw life pretending. I am the poser, the faker. I seem to be happy, seem to have it together, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I am lost, I am scared, I am unable to speak. I look around at the people in my life searching for someone who can handle what I have to say. I feel like I am watching my life crawl along with no meaning, no relief, no peace, no way out. Suicide, yes contemplated many times but I am trapped here by the guilt of making my loved ones suffer. I wish I […]
Just ever feel like your at a ‘breaking point’ when you feel so depressed you just can’t take it anymore? Well that’s me…
All my friends who said they would be there for me all gave up on me or don’t really care. Everynight.Everyday. I’m crying. It’s not like my life is bad. I do have people picking on me but its nothing. I’m not really sure why I’m so depressed….but I know I don’t like it and I don’t want anymore of it. Though I’m not sure what to do. I thought of suicide but I thought I was stupid for thinking of such a […]