My bad attitude caused by frustration and self hatred has pushed those who used to care about me far far away. I know we’re all alone no matter what, but it kills me not to have at least that illusion making us feel as though we are not alone. I started cutting a few days ago and each day the  cut gets a  little deeper. I was just looking for a distraction from my emotional pain. I haven’t felt happiness all year. I’m beginning to question if there even is a possibility for me to feel happiness again. I used to rely on strangers to make me temporarily feel good when I couldn’t, but that doesn’t work for me anymore. I don’t get any pleasure out of it. It really hurts to know you’re not loved by those who used to love you. It hurts not being able to enjoy anything that used to bring joy into your life. I was contemplating on waiting to commit suicide after school is over, but death might come sooner than I initially planned. I miss the old me and I really miss my old friends, I miss my old relationship I had with my family. But now when I’m forced to be around them I can’t help but feel like a major burden. I’m broken and I really wish I could be fixed.
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It does hurt, but why do you cut your own body as your soul is already hurt? You need to get yourself away at least physicologically, by thinking about the future, or the good memories, or just imagination… When you start feeling good, soon you will realise that people get close to you. Unfortunately, people may prefer leaving you alone when you are upset. Though there’s always a choice to be okay..
you need to realize why do you have a bad attitude, soon as you fix that things will get better
Hmmm – dunkelheit and TheListener – bad atitude, always a choice to be ok? Seriously. Not the greatest of comments. Often, suicidal and depressive thoughts are not be choice, they are a series of desperate and hopeless feelings that take over the mind and lead someone down that dark and lonely path. Cutting is a way to alleviate those feelings, but really I do not think you should do this nothingmatters. If you have only just started then hopefully you can stop, you do not want to get to where I am with over 300 cuts on my forearm. I cut because I also want to distract myself from the emotional pain I am under. It has been over 1 year since I felt anything positive at all, any sense of anything remotely good happening. Have travelled, moved and done many of the things that usually make me happy, but nothing works.
If you want to be fixed/helped, that is a great start. Seek help from a professional and see if there is something there that can help you. Medication and counseling could work for you. I hope that you seek help as soon as possible and give it a chance.
I wish it were so simple.
Unfortunatly it is not.
You cannot choose your feelings, they just are, they are real and left to fester can make you think of killing yourself.
All this emotional pain needs to be released somehow.
Cutting can be that relief.
I wrote some posts on hear called;
the Cutter
the Suicide
the Black Velvet Curtain
Search for them
Read them
Please do not blame yourself for what’s happening to you.
You are describing symptoms of depression.
You are not crazy, broken, a burden, or expendable.
Don’t listen if people tell you it is your fault.
It is not your fault.
It will take time to heal, but you can do it.
You had the strength to share here, you will have the strength to heal.
You will need support.
But you can do it.
Om shanti
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