As mentioned in my earlier post today, I have decided to end it all. If that’s not selfish enough, I don’t want to be alone when it happens. I want someone there to hold my hand as I lose consciousness and finally stop breathing and to remove my hood so that when I am discovered the trauma on whomever finds me will hopefully be reduced. Even if it isn’t possible to have someone there, I am still going to do it. This is just a thought….
Tag:
Suicide
This is the beginning of my end, it is all my fault so I blame no one even though my parents and friends will all blame themselves. I’ve been researching the best way to end my own life for a few days now but I can’t decide which way I want to accomplish the deed. I think I am going to try helium, it sounds the easiest and least painful way (even though I probably deserve to feel pain since I am such a disappointment to everyone). I have plans to visit the local party store to rent a helium tank as well as acquire […]
I’ve met someone, I should be happy right? The problem is they are so far away, we both have confessed our love, but before I met them I was debating whether to commit suicide. Here I am sitting at my computer completely sad and alone, I feel like this all the time, but I can tell my mum how I feel… Can I? My friends are gradually getting more worried about me, but I am unable to talk to anyone every time I try to talk I end up in tears.
I don’t know what to do, no one I know can truly understand. I have […]
I have had a plan since the age of 17 to commit suicide on the eve of my 25th birthday. However, as the years have passed by and my life has gradually declined into unemployment, heart break and despair I find myself contemplating my suicide earlier.
I am currently 22, turning 23 on the 15th April 2014.
I was blessed with being born to parents who had money through working from nothing to something. However, as is often the case, my Mother turned out to be an alcoholic and father, a control freak who smoked marijuana to control his tempers but which in fact made them worse.
IÂ began […]
I’m sorry, mom
I’m sorry, dad
I’m sorry, friends
I’m sorry, Family
I’m sorry, body
I’m sorry, mind
I’m sorry, teachers
I’m sorry, voice
I have failed all of you at one point… or every day.
Mom: I’m sorry I am not like my brother, I’m not made of gold and jewels. I am not skinny, smart, good looking, or good at anything. I am sorry I am failing school, I am sorry you are embarrassed to call me your daughter. I am sorry that you are ashamed to be in public with me because I am not thin like all the other girls. I am sorry I don’t do make-up and my hair, […]
alright, it’s been a while since i’ve been on here, but, i exist still
nothing has really changed. my anxiety isn’t AS bad, i guess. I’ve been having more panic attacks though. a while ago, i talked about seeing things- and i still do. worst than before. it’s an all day thing. i always see things, i feel like someone is watching me 24/7 i feel uncomfortable all the time.
i have depersonalization disorder, but it isn’t really as bad as it was. now that i can actually deal with reality, i have come to terms that i absolutely hate my body and the way i look. […]
I’ve always been the strong one. The one who held others up when they couldn’t take it. I never wanted to burden others with my problems, so I tend to fake a smile and say I’m okay. I hate to be viewed as weak. It started when I was little — I was born to teenage parents who had a taste for methanphetamines. They did try to get clean when I was born, as well as three years later when my little brother came into the world. But their lifestyle caused me to take care of myself at an early age. A funny story I’ve […]
Well this its my story on how my life is only getting worse And more painful. My name is Matthew and I live in Nelson new Zealand I am 14 years old and am year 10 at Nayland college.
It started around term 3 last year and till this day my life has been torture. In class of I bend over to Tie up my sore laces I get shoved over. If I’m doing sport they spare tackle me from behind. If I sit out to try Getty a break but they say get up and.play you fat Cont. Btw I weigh 78 kg. Every […]
I dont know what to do anymore. I feel as if walls are caving in on me. People hate me. And you know what? I hate me too. People that are around me think I have the perfect life. Im a cheerleader. I make good grades. I make everyone happy. Nothing can be wrong with me! But there is something wrong with me. I feel as if everyone around me hates me. Im not mad at them for that. I dont know what to do anymore. Im just done.
I think the root of the problem is that I haven’t got a reason to live.
Everybody else does, for everybody’s got that one special someone, special hobby, or special band. Sure, I listen to some bands and I have a few friends and hobbies, but it’s never enough.
Let me tell you something; being depressed, it’s obvious. There is a kid in my math class, and he often asked if I was depressed and suicidal and gave me hugs all of the time. Keep in mind that this kid is rather odd and dramatic. Most people just think him annoying, but I was fairly decent friends with […]
I’m not for sure how I want to go. I really want to just die and the only way I can do it right now is cutting too deep and I’m scared that I won’t cut deep enough and I will just have big cuts on my arms. I either don’t want them there or I do but I would rather be dead, ya know? Like I don’t want anyone to find out that I tried to kill myself. Anyway I’ve looked for sleeping pills but I can’t find any. All I can find are 4 bottles of freaking ibuprofen. I really just want to […]
Title says it all. Would you leave a suicide note? Why? Why not?
Withdrawn.
I don’t know if I’m depressed, or just going through some seriously effed up hormonal phase that all teenagers go through. To be honest, I have nothing to complain about. My parents fight, sure, but it’s not like bottles are being thrown around the house. Except I remember one night my dad punched down his bedroom door. But my dad usually isn’t like that. That was a first. He’s no drunk either , and he loves me. I’m pretty sure about that. My mom and I don’t like each other. She has a maternal love for me, and that’s about it. I understand that. I love her […]
Where do I turn when no one will listen?
The suicide hotline is of no use to me.
If I attempt to call them, I’ll just be referred to a mental health facility.
My family?
They don’t understand. I tried to talk about my problems stemming from my depression. Their responses: Why do you feel that way? Why can’t you get over it?
My girlfriend I could never talk to about this.
Even though I care about her deeply, Â she doesn’t understand. I talk to her about this, she makes jokes about suicide and cutting.
So I ask,
Where do I turn when no one will listen?
The feeling of failing a suicide attempt is excruciating because you feel worthless for not being able to kill yourself, which only pushes you to want to attempt again. Each time you fail, your need to die only grows and grows, and it feels like torture.
i feel like i cant become anyting like there is no hope for me no future
it seems like im a dissapointment to everyone
why wont i be a good person and take my own life it feels like thats the way to go then i cant dissapoint anyone then i cant hurt anyone
the pain of my loss will fade, the pain if i will stay will be worse
the only reason im still here is for her the one person in my live, but she is 4000 miles away
the power of a single person kept me alive while the poeple near me dont […]
My wrist lifelessly dangled off the edge of the porcelain tub; a stream of red tracing the lines on my hand. A pool of crimson waited below. The bath water looked like a distilled merlot. I lay silently, salty tears racing down my face. My mascara sat idly under my eyes tired of running. With the little will I had left, I turned my head to look at the self inflicted mutilations. The word “ Help†was carved into my soft, white, flesh. Under that, “Save ME†screamed for some attention, fresh blood still dripping down from the bottom of the E. My head jolted […]
I have never attempted suicide before and probably will never do that in the future, although I am suicidal. The depressing thought cannot get out of my head. Only watching people who are also suicidal can make me feel much better, because I tend to dispassionately analyze their feelings and so I become an observer rather than a sufferer.
There’s no point to live, but there’s no point to die either, from my perspective. That’s why I’m still alive. There’s no point to do anything. Suicide is such a luxury, an aggregation of  courage, ego, curiosity, perseverance, nonchalance about collective unconsciousness, motivation, liberation, freedom of self-expression, […]
Hey,
So this is my story of my Depression and search for help.
I live in London and when I made the transition to year 7 it was very hard for me as I’m not great at changes and my aunt died of cancer recently, so I started seeing the school councillor. So it was all going well and helping with the death of my aunt, but after about two year when I was in year 9 another of my aunts died this time it affected me hugely so my mood dropped, so with this I started self harming. So I kept up with the self harm. […]